Donut Mag Issue 1 (UK) (128K) (1995) (Version Basic 1.1) [DISCMAG].dsk
HexaDumpAscii only
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0002D0: 21 22 23 24 25 26 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 !"#$%&..........
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000380: 00 44 4F 4E 55 54 4D 41 47 32 A0 20 00 00 00 2F .DONUTMAG2. .../
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0003D0: 4C 4D 4E 4F 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 LMNO............
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000430: 5D 5E 5F 60 61 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ]^_`a...........
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000A00: 00 44 4F 4E 55 54 4D 41 47 20 20 20 00 00 00 00 .DONUTMAG ....
000A10: 00 00 00 00 00 70 01 00 73 07 00 00 00 00 00 00 .....p..s.......
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000A80: 27 00 0A 00 C5 20 44 4F 4E 55 54 20 4D 41 47 20 '.... DONUT MAG
000A90: 2D 20 53 54 41 52 54 45 44 20 4F 4E 20 33 30 2F - STARTED ON 30/
000AA0: 35 2F 31 39 39 35 00 D7 00 14 00 C5 20 4D 55 53 5/1995...... MUS
000AB0: 49 43 20 54 41 4B 45 4E 20 4F 55 54 20 43 4F 4D IC TAKEN OUT COM
000AC0: 50 4C 45 54 45 4C 59 20 4F 4E 20 35 2F 36 2F 31 PLETELY ON 5/6/1
000AD0: 39 39 35 20 42 27 43 4F 5A 20 46 4F 52 20 53 4F 995 B'COZ FOR SO
000AE0: 4D 45 20 52 45 41 53 4F 4E 20 54 48 45 20 52 4F ME REASON THE RO
000AF0: 55 54 49 4E 45 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 43 4F 55 UTINE COU
000B00: 4C 44 4E 27 54 20 43 4F 50 45 20 57 49 54 48 20 LDN'T COPE WITH
000B10: 41 20 53 49 4D 50 4C 45 20 4D 45 4D 4F 52 59 20 A SIMPLE MEMORY
000B20: 43 4F 50 59 20 52 4F 55 54 49 4E 45 20 41 4E 44 COPY ROUTINE AND
000B30: 20 55 4E 4B 4E 4F 57 4E 20 42 55 47 53 20 53 4C UNKNOWN BUGS SL
000B40: 49 50 50 45 44 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 49 4E 2E IPPED IN.
000B50: 2E 2E 2E 2E 20 49 46 20 59 4F 55 20 57 41 4E 4E .... IF YOU WANN
000B60: 41 20 43 4F 4D 50 4C 41 49 4E 2C 20 47 4F 20 46 A COMPLAIN, GO F
000B70: 55 43 4B 20 59 4F 55 52 53 45 4C 46 21 00 5F 00 UCK YOURSELF!._.
000B80: 1E 00 C5 20 44 45 42 55 47 47 49 4E 47 20 46 49 ... DEBUGGING FI
000B90: 4E 49 53 48 45 44 20 4F 4E 20 32 33 3A 34 37 3A NISHED ON 23:47:
000BA0: 33 30 20 35 2F 36 2F 31 39 39 35 20 28 45 41 52 30 5/6/1995 (EAR
000BB0: 4C 49 45 52 20 49 46 20 49 27 44 20 46 4F 55 4E LIER IF I'D FOUN
000BC0: 44 20 4D 59 20 57 41 54 43 48 20 20 20 20 20 20 D MY WATCH
000BD0: 20 20 20 20 53 4F 4F 4E 45 52 21 29 00 4B 00 28 SOONER!).K.(
000BE0: 00 C5 20 41 20 44 4F 4E 55 54 20 53 59 53 54 45 .. A DONUT SYSTE
000BF0: 4D 20 50 52 4F 44 55 43 54 49 4F 4E 20 49 4E 20 M PRODUCTION IN
000C00: 31 39 39 35 20 2D 20 43 4F 50 59 52 49 47 48 54 1995 - COPYRIGHT
000C10: 20 31 39 39 34 2F 31 39 39 35 20 44 4F 4E 55 54 1994/1995 DONUT
000C20: 20 53 59 53 54 45 4D 00 06 00 32 00 C5 00 17 00 SYSTEM...2.....
000C30: 3C 00 C5 20 44 4F 4E 55 54 20 4D 41 47 21 20 49 <.. DONUT MAG! I
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000CC0: 00 E3 01 AA 20 1C C0 3F 01 A8 20 22 64 6F 6E 75 .... ..?.. "donu
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000E60: 00 03 00 00 F4 EF 22 53 4C 49 43 45 20 70 72 65 ......"SLICE pre
000E70: 73 65 6E 74 73 22 01 9F 20 1E 4A 01 00 2B 00 96 sents".. .J..+..
000E80: 00 03 00 00 F4 EF 22 41 20 44 4F 4E 55 54 20 53 ......"A DONUT S
000E90: 59 53 54 45 4D 20 70 72 6F 64 75 63 74 69 6F 6E YSTEM production
000EA0: 22 01 9F 20 1E 4A 01 00 1C 00 A0 00 03 00 00 F4 ".. .J..........
000EB0: EF 22 49 74 27 73 20 67 72 65 61 74 22 01 9F 20 ."It's great"..
000EC0: 1E 4A 01 00 1A 00 AA 00 03 00 00 F4 EF 22 49 74 .J..........."It
000ED0: 27 73 20 6E 65 77 22 01 9F 20 1E 4A 01 00 28 00 's new".. .J..(.
000EE0: B4 00 03 00 00 F4 EF 22 49 74 27 73 20 31 32 38 ......."It's 128
000EF0: 4B 62 20 6F 6E 6C 79 2C 20 73 6F 72 72 79 22 01 Kb only, sorry".
000F00: 9F 20 1E 4A 01 00 19 00 BE 00 03 00 00 F4 EF 22 . .J..........."
000F10: 49 74 27 73 2E 2E 2E 22 01 9F 20 1E 4A 01 00 39 It's...".. .J..9
000F20: 00 C8 00 03 00 00 F4 EF 22 49 74 27 73 2E 2E 2E ........"It's...
000F30: 20 28 73 6F 72 72 79 2C 20 73 6C 69 67 68 74 20 (sorry, slight
000F40: 74 65 63 68 6E 69 63 61 6C 20 66 61 75 6C 74 29 technical fault)
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0083A0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
0083B0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
0083C0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
0083D0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
0083E0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
0083F0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
008400: 7E 48 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 4D 41 43 42 45 54 48 ~H MACBETH
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008480: 42 45 54 48 2C 20 4D 41 43 42 45 54 48 20 44 41 BETH, MACBETH DA
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0085D0: 0A 4D 41 43 42 45 54 48 3A 20 54 68 61 74 27 73 .MACBETH: That's
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008600: 54 72 61 63 6B 2D 49 6E 66 6F 0D 0A 00 00 00 00 Track-Info......
008610: 07 00 00 00 02 09 4E E5 07 00 C1 02 00 00 00 02 ......N.........
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008630: 07 00 C4 02 00 00 00 02 07 00 C5 02 00 00 00 02 ................
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009450: 20 68 61 64 20 62 65 65 6E 0D 0A 64 75 67 20 75 had been..dug u
009460: 70 21 20 42 75 74 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 77 61 73 p! But there was
009470: 20 61 6C 73 6F 20 61 20 63 6C 75 65 2E 20 41 68 also a clue. Ah
009480: 61 21 20 20 54 68 65 20 61 73 73 68 6F 6C 65 20 a! The asshole
009490: 6C 65 66 74 20 61 20 63 61 72 64 2E 20 49 20 72 left a card. I r
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0094B0: 61 73 74 61 72 64 2C 20 74 61 78 69 64 65 72 6D astard, taxiderm
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0094D0: 73 2E 20 20 20 43 61 6C 6C 20 20 31 2D 38 30 30 s. Call 1-800
0094E0: 2D 53 54 55 46 46 22 2E 20 20 49 20 72 61 63 65 -STUFF". I race
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0095B0: 4C 41 4D 21 2A 20 2A 42 4C 41 4D 21 2A 20 2A 42 LAM!* *BLAM!* *B
0095C0: 4C 41 4D 21 2A 2E 20 42 65 66 6F 72 65 20 74 68 LAM!*. Before th
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009640: 20 62 65 66 6F 72 65 20 49 20 73 74 65 70 70 65 before I steppe
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009690: 20 6A 75 73 74 20 6C 69 6B 65 20 74 68 61 74 2E just like that.
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009780: 6D 79 20 62 65 73 74 2E 0D 0A 20 20 41 6E 79 77 my best... Anyw
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009840: 20 20 22 54 68 69 73 20 49 53 20 61 6E 20 65 6D "This IS an em
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009860: 64 2E 0D 0A 20 20 22 42 75 6C 6C 73 68 69 74 2C d... "Bullshit,
009870: 22 20 73 68 65 20 72 65 70 6C 69 65 64 20 61 73 " she replied as
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009890: 20 28 69 73 20 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 20 73 75 63 (is there suc
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0098D0: 20 20 22 4C 69 73 74 65 6E 20 6C 61 64 79 2C 22 "Listen lady,"
0098E0: 20 49 20 74 6F 6C 64 20 20 68 65 72 20 74 68 72 I told her thr
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009900: 54 72 61 63 6B 2D 49 6E 66 6F 0D 0A 00 00 00 00 Track-Info......
009910: 08 00 00 00 02 09 4E E5 08 00 C1 02 00 00 00 02 ......N.........
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009930: 08 00 C4 02 00 00 00 02 08 00 C5 02 00 00 00 02 ................
009940: 08 00 C6 02 00 00 00 02 08 00 C7 02 00 00 00 02 ................
009950: 08 00 C8 02 00 00 00 02 08 00 C9 02 00 00 00 02 ................
009960: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
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0099B0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
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009A30: 20 6F 72 20 74 75 72 6E 20 69 6E 74 6F 20 67 69 or turn into gi
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009B20: 68 65 72 2C 20 73 6F 20 49 20 6C 65 76 65 6C 6C her, so I levell
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009B70: 74 68 61 74 27 64 20 70 6F 75 72 20 6F 75 74 20 that'd pour out
009B80: 69 73 20 73 61 77 64 75 73 74 20 62 75 74 20 77 is sawdust but w
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009BA0: 20 22 41 72 65 20 79 6F 75 20 74 68 72 65 61 74 "Are you threat
009BB0: 65 6E 69 6E 27 20 6D 65 3F 22 20 73 68 65 20 61 enin' me?" she a
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009C00: 6C 61 75 6E 63 68 65 72 20 28 72 6F 63 6B 65 74 launcher (rocket
009C10: 20 6C 75 6E 63 68 65 72 3F 29 2E 0D 0A 20 20 46 luncher?)... F
009C20: 65 61 72 2E 20 49 20 77 61 73 20 61 66 72 61 69 ear. I was afrai
009C30: 64 2E 20 41 20 64 75 6D 62 20 62 72 6F 61 64 20 d. A dumb broad
009C40: 20 70 75 6C 6C 73 20 20 61 20 20 72 6F 63 6B 65 pulls a rocke
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009C60: 2C 20 61 6E 64 20 49 20 67 6F 74 74 61 0D 0A 65 , and I gotta..e
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009CC0: 74 69 6D 65 20 66 6F 72 20 6D 79 20 20 6C 61 75 time for my lau
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009CF0: 2E 20 47 6F 74 20 74 6F 20 64 61 73 68 2C 22 20 . Got to dash,"
009D00: 49 0D 0A 65 78 63 6C 61 69 6D 65 64 2C 20 61 6E I..exclaimed, an
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009E90: 49 20 74 75 72 6E 65 64 20 6F 6E 20 74 68 65 20 I turned on the
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009ED0: 6F 6D 65 20 66 72 6F 6D 3F 22 20 49 20 61 73 6B ome from?" I ask
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009F00: 62 65 68 69 6E 64 20 20 61 20 20 63 68 61 69 72 behind a chair
009F10: 2E 20 20 22 4D 79 20 20 68 75 73 62 61 6E 64 2C . "My husband,
009F20: 20 68 65 27 73 20 61 20 74 61 78 69 64 65 72 6D he's a taxiderm
009F30: 69 73 74 2C 22 20 73 68 65 0D 0A 72 65 70 6C 69 ist," she..repli
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00A020: 20 68 65 20 6B 6E 65 77 20 77 68 6F 20 49 20 77 he knew who I w
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00A040: 74 6F 20 72 75 6E 2C 20 62 75 74 20 49 20 74 61 to run, but I ta
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00A060: 20 74 68 61 74 0D 0A 61 73 73 68 6F 6C 65 20 61 that..asshole a
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00A0A0: 70 75 6C 6C 65 64 20 6F 75 74 20 6D 79 20 70 69 pulled out my pi
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00A0D0: 22 54 68 69 73 20 6F 6E 65 27 73 20 66 6F 72 20 "This one's for
00A0E0: 47 6F 65 72 67 65 2C 22 20 49 20 74 6F 6C 64 20 Goerge," I told
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00A100: 74 68 65 20 62 75 6C 6C 65 74 20 62 6C 61 73 74 the bullet blast
00A110: 65 64 20 74 68 72 6F 75 67 68 20 68 69 73 0D 0A ed through his..
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00A250: 69 74 2E 20 54 68 65 20 65 6E 64 2E 0D 0A 1A 1A it. The end.....
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00A270: 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A 1A ................
00A280: 68 65 20 77 61 73 20 63 6C 69 6E 67 69 6E 67 20 he was clinging
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00A2D0: 22 54 68 69 73 20 6F 6E 65 27 73 20 66 6F 72 20 "This one's for
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00A300: 74 68 65 20 62 75 6C 6C 65 74 20 62 6C 61 73 74 the bullet blast
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00A3F0: 73 20 6F 66 20 6D 75 72 64 65 72 2C 20 77 68 69 s of murder, whi
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00A410: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00A420: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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00A4A0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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00A500: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00A510: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00A520: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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00A5F0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00A600: 7E 48 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 54 48 ~H TH
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00A620: 4C 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 54 48 45 L THE
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00A640: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 2D 2D 2D 2D ----
00A650: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 0D 0A 42 -----------....B
00A660: 79 20 7E 42 53 6C 69 63 65 2F 44 53 7E 4E 20 77 y ~BSlice/DS~N w
00A670: 69 74 68 20 74 68 61 6E 78 20 74 6F 20 7E 42 44 ith thanx to ~BD
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00A6E0: 72 69 6D 65 20 74 68 65 79 20 64 69 64 20 63 6F rime they did co
00A6F0: 6D 6D 69 74 2E 20 54 68 65 79 20 77 65 72 65 20 mmit. They were
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00A740: 68 65 79 20 6E 6F 77 20 77 6F 72 6B 20 61 73 20 hey now work as
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00A770: 6A 75 73 74 69 63 65 22 20 62 61 63 6B 20 20 74 justice" back t
00A780: 6F 0D 0A 74 68 65 20 67 6F 6F 64 20 6F 6C 27 20 o..the good ol'
00A790: 55 53 20 6F 66 20 41 2E 20 49 66 20 79 6F 75 20 US of A. If you
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00A7D0: 70 75 74 0D 0A 79 6F 75 20 69 6E 74 6F 20 65 76 put..you into ev
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00A7F0: 2D 20 63 61 6C 6C 20 20 74 68 65 20 20 62 28 6F - call the b(o
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00A820: 61 64 61 61 21 0D 0A 64 65 72 6E 65 72 6E 65 72 adaa!..dernerner
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00A840: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00A850: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00A860: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00A870: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00A880: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 0D 0A ______________..
00A890: 0D 0A 54 48 45 20 54 45 41 4D 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E 42 ..THE TEAM....~B
00A8A0: 4D 55 52 44 45 52 4F 43 4B 7E 4E 3A 20 46 61 6E MURDEROCK~N: Fan
00A8B0: 63 69 65 73 20 68 69 6D 73 65 6C 66 20 61 73 20 cies himself as
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00A8D0: 79 2C 20 62 75 74 20 69 73 6E 27 74 2E 0D 0A 20 y, but isn't...
00A8E0: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 41 47 45 3A 20 33 AGE: 3
00A8F0: 34 0D 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 4D 45 4.. ME
00A900: 4E 54 41 4C 20 41 47 45 3A 20 36 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E NTAL AGE: 6....~
00A910: 42 48 41 4E 4E 49 42 41 4C 20 22 54 48 45 20 43 BHANNIBAL "THE C
00A920: 41 4E 4E 49 42 41 4C 22 20 53 4D 49 54 48 7E 4E ANNIBAL" SMITH~N
00A930: 3A 20 4C 65 61 64 65 72 20 61 6E 64 20 70 61 72 : Leader and par
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00A950: 6C 6D 20 73 74 61 72 2E 0D 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 lm star...
00A960: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20
00A970: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 41 47 45 3A 20 34 32 AGE: 42
00A980: 0D 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 ..
00A990: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20
00A9A0: 20 4D 45 4E 54 41 4C 20 41 47 45 3A 20 39 0D 0A MENTAL AGE: 9..
00A9B0: 0D 0A 7E 42 42 4F 52 49 53 20 41 52 54 49 43 48 ..~BBORIS ARTICH
00A9C0: 4F 4B 45 20 41 42 41 43 55 53 7E 4E 3A 20 42 6C OKE ABACUS~N: Bl
00A9D0: 61 63 6B 20 68 61 72 64 20 67 75 79 2C 20 77 68 ack hard guy, wh
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00AA00: 20 74 6F 74 61 6C 0D 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 total..
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00AA20: 20 76 61 6C 75 65 20 77 6F 75 6C 64 20 62 65 20 value would be
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00AA50: 3A 20 33 31 0D 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 : 31..
00AA60: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 4D 45 ME
00AA70: 4E 54 41 4C 20 41 47 45 3A 20 75 6E 62 6F 72 6E NTAL AGE: unborn
00AA80: 20 62 61 62 79 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E 42 46 41 45 43 45 baby....~BFAECE
00AA90: 20 4D 41 4E 7E 4E 3A 20 54 68 69 6E 6B 73 20 68 MAN~N: Thinks h
00AAA0: 65 27 73 20 61 20 72 6F 6D 65 6F 20 6C 6F 76 65 e's a romeo love
00AAB0: 72 2C 20 62 75 74 20 69 73 6E 27 74 2E 20 44 72 r, but isn't. Dr
00AAC0: 69 76 65 73 20 61 72 6F 75 6E 64 20 69 6E 20 61 ives around in a
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00AB30: 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 42 41 20 . BA
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00AB60: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 41 47 45 3A 20 32 37 0D 0A AGE: 27..
00AB70: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 4D 45 4E 54 41 MENTA
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00ABB0: 0A 0D 0A 42 41 3A 20 42 0D 0A 46 41 45 43 45 20 ...BA: B..FAECE
00ABC0: 4D 41 4E 3A 20 46 0D 0A 4D 55 52 44 45 52 4F 43 MAN: F..MURDEROC
00ABD0: 4B 3A 20 4D 0D 0A 48 41 4E 4E 49 42 41 4C 3A 20 K: M..HANNIBAL:
00ABE0: 48 0D 0A 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F H.._____________
00ABF0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00AC00: 54 72 61 63 6B 2D 49 6E 66 6F 0D 0A 00 00 00 00 Track-Info......
00AC10: 09 00 00 00 02 09 4E E5 09 00 C1 02 00 00 00 02 ......N.........
00AC20: 09 00 C2 02 00 00 00 02 09 00 C3 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00AC30: 09 00 C4 02 00 00 00 02 09 00 C5 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00AC40: 09 00 C6 02 00 00 00 02 09 00 C7 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00AC50: 09 00 C8 02 00 00 00 02 09 00 C9 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00AC60: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00AC70: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00AC80: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00AC90: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00ACA0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00ACB0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00ACC0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00ACD0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00ACE0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00ACF0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00AD00: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00AD10: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00AD20: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00AD30: 5F 5F 5F 0D 0A 0D 0A 53 54 4F 52 59 20 2D 20 22 ___....STORY - "
00AD40: 42 41 20 47 45 54 53 20 41 20 4E 41 50 50 59 20 BA GETS A NAPPY
00AD50: 43 48 41 4E 47 45 22 0D 0A 0D 0A 53 43 45 4E 45 CHANGE"....SCENE
00AD60: 20 31 3A 20 22 67 61 6E 67 20 68 75 74 22 2E 20 1: "gang hut".
00AD70: 42 41 20 68 61 73 20 63 61 63 6B 65 64 20 68 69 BA has cacked hi
00AD80: 6D 73 65 6C 66 2E 20 4D 75 72 64 65 72 6F 63 6B mself. Murderock
00AD90: 20 69 73 20 70 6C 61 79 69 6E 67 20 20 74 68 65 is playing the
00ADA0: 20 20 68 61 72 6D 6F 6E 69 63 61 0D 0A 77 69 74 harmonica..wit
00ADB0: 68 20 68 69 73 20 62 75 74 74 6F 63 6B 73 2C 20 h his buttocks,
00ADC0: 48 61 6E 6E 69 62 61 6C 20 68 61 73 20 70 69 63 Hannibal has pic
00ADD0: 6B 65 64 20 75 70 20 61 20 73 74 69 63 6B 20 6F ked up a stick o
00ADE0: 66 20 64 79 6E 61 6D 69 74 65 20 77 68 69 63 68 f dynamite which
00ADF0: 20 68 65 20 74 68 69 6E 6B 73 20 69 73 0D 0A 61 he thinks is..a
00AE00: 20 63 69 67 61 72 2C 20 46 61 65 63 65 20 4D 61 cigar, Faece Ma
00AE10: 6E 20 69 73 20 6C 6F 6F 6B 69 6E 67 20 69 6E 20 n is looking in
00AE20: 74 68 65 20 6D 69 72 72 6F 72 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 42 the mirror.....B
00AE30: 3A 20 4D 75 72 64 65 72 6F 63 6B 20 79 6F 75 20 : Murderock you
00AE40: 66 6F 6F 6C 2C 20 63 68 61 6E 67 65 20 6D 79 20 fool, change my
00AE50: 64 69 61 70 65 72 21 0D 0A 4D 3A 20 50 69 73 73 diaper!..M: Piss
00AE60: 20 6F 66 66 20 42 6F 72 69 73 2C 20 49 27 6D 20 off Boris, I'm
00AE70: 62 75 73 79 20 74 72 79 69 6E 67 20 74 6F 20 62 busy trying to b
00AE80: 65 20 66 75 6E 6E 79 2E 0D 0A 42 3A 20 43 68 61 e funny...B: Cha
00AE90: 6E 67 65 20 69 74 20 6F 72 20 49 20 63 72 61 63 nge it or I crac
00AEA0: 6B 20 79 6F 75 72 20 68 65 61 64 2C 20 66 6F 6F k your head, foo
00AEB0: 6C 21 0D 0A 4D 3A 20 4F 6B 61 79 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A l!..M: Okay.....
00AEC0: 28 4D 55 52 44 45 52 4F 43 4B 20 63 68 61 6E 67 (MURDEROCK chang
00AED0: 65 73 20 42 41 27 73 20 6E 61 70 70 79 29 0D 0A es BA's nappy)..
00AEE0: 0D 0A 48 3A 20 49 20 6C 6F 76 65 20 69 74 20 77 ..H: I love it w
00AEF0: 68 65 6E 20 61 20 70 6C 61 6E 20 63 6F 6D 65 73 hen a plan comes
00AF00: 20 74 6F 67 65 74 68 65 72 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 28 48 together.....(H
00AF10: 41 4E 4E 49 42 41 4C 20 6C 69 67 68 74 73 20 22 ANNIBAL lights "
00AF20: 63 69 67 61 72 22 2E 20 46 41 45 43 45 20 4D 41 cigar". FAECE MA
00AF30: 4E 20 73 75 64 64 65 6E 6C 79 20 73 63 72 65 61 N suddenly screa
00AF40: 6D 73 29 0D 0A 0D 0A 46 3A 20 4F 68 20 6E 6F 2C ms)....F: Oh no,
00AF50: 20 49 27 76 65 20 67 6F 74 20 61 20 73 70 6F 74 I've got a spot
00AF60: 21 20 4D 79 20 67 69 72 6C 66 72 69 65 6E 64 20 ! My girlfriend
00AF70: 77 69 6C 6C 20 68 61 74 65 20 6D 65 21 0D 0A 42 will hate me!..B
00AF80: 3A 20 54 77 6F 20 6D 69 73 74 61 6B 65 73 2E 20 : Two mistakes.
00AF90: 4F 6E 65 2C 20 79 6F 75 20 61 69 6E 27 74 20 67 One, you ain't g
00AFA0: 6F 74 20 6E 6F 20 67 69 72 6C 66 72 69 65 6E 64 ot no girlfriend
00AFB0: 2C 20 66 6F 6F 6C 2E 20 41 6E 64 20 74 77 6F 2C , fool. And two,
00AFC0: 20 74 68 61 74 20 22 73 70 6F 74 22 20 69 73 0D that "spot" is.
00AFD0: 0A 20 20 20 79 6F 20 68 65 61 64 21 20 46 6F 6F . yo head! Foo
00AFE0: 6C 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 28 46 41 45 43 45 20 4D 41 4E l.....(FAECE MAN
00AFF0: 20 73 68 6F 6F 74 73 20 68 69 6D 73 65 6C 66 2E shoots himself.
00B000: 20 53 75 64 64 65 6E 6C 79 20 48 41 4E 4E 49 42 Suddenly HANNIB
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00B030: 6F 6F 6C 2C 20 48 61 6E 6E 69 62 61 6C 21 20 49 ool, Hannibal! I
00B040: 20 6F 75 67 68 74 61 20 63 72 61 63 6B 20 79 6F oughta crack yo
00B050: 75 72 20 68 65 61 64 21 0D 0A 4D 3A 20 48 61 6E ur head!..M: Han
00B060: 6E 69 62 61 6C 2C 20 63 6F 6D 65 20 68 65 72 65 nibal, come here
00B070: 21 0D 0A 0D 0A 28 4D 55 52 44 45 52 4F 43 4B 20 !....(MURDEROCK
00B080: 77 68 69 73 70 65 72 73 20 74 6F 20 48 41 4E 4E whispers to HANN
00B090: 49 42 41 4C 29 0D 0A 0D 0A 4D 3A 20 4C 65 74 73 IBAL)....M: Lets
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00B0B0: 2C 20 68 65 27 73 20 6D 79 20 66 72 69 65 6E 64 , he's my friend
00B0C0: 21 0D 0A 0D 0A 28 73 75 64 64 65 6E 6C 79 20 42 !....(suddenly B
00B0D0: 41 20 63 72 61 63 6B 73 20 48 41 4E 4E 49 42 41 A cracks HANNIBA
00B0E0: 4C 27 73 20 68 65 61 64 29 0D 0A 0D 0A 4D 3A 20 L's head)....M:
00B0F0: 59 6F 75 72 20 66 72 69 65 6E 64 20 65 68 2C 20 Your friend eh,
00B100: 48 61 6E 6E 69 62 61 6C 3F 0D 0A 0D 0A 28 4D 55 Hannibal?....(MU
00B110: 52 44 45 52 4F 43 4B 20 73 68 6F 6F 74 73 20 42 RDEROCK shoots B
00B120: 41 20 77 69 74 68 20 61 20 77 61 74 65 72 20 70 A with a water p
00B130: 69 73 74 6F 6C 2C 20 42 41 20 69 73 20 73 68 6F istol, BA is sho
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00B150: 73 20 68 69 73 20 63 68 65 73 74 29 0D 0A 0D 0A s his chest)....
00B160: 42 3A 20 59 6F 75 20 67 6F 74 20 6D 65 21 0D 0A B: You got me!..
00B170: 0D 0A 28 42 41 20 66 61 6C 6C 73 20 6F 76 65 72 ..(BA falls over
00B180: 20 61 6E 64 20 64 69 65 73 2E 20 4D 55 52 44 45 and dies. MURDE
00B190: 52 4F 43 4B 20 73 68 6F 6F 74 73 20 68 69 6D 73 ROCK shoots hims
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00B1B0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00B1C0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00B1D0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00B1E0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00B1F0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 0D 0A 0D 0A 53 54 4F 52 59 20 ______....STORY
00B200: 2D 20 22 41 20 4D 59 53 54 45 52 59 20 54 4F 20 - "A MYSTERY TO
00B210: 53 4F 4C 56 45 22 0D 0A 0D 0A 53 43 45 4E 45 20 SOLVE"....SCENE
00B220: 31 3A 20 41 74 20 41 75 6E 74 20 46 61 6E 6E 79 1: At Aunt Fanny
00B230: 73 20 68 6F 75 73 65 2E 20 20 48 41 4E 4E 49 42 s house. HANNIB
00B240: 41 4C 20 20 68 61 73 20 20 73 68 6F 74 20 20 54 AL has shot T
00B250: 69 6D 6D 79 20 74 68 65 20 64 6F 67 2E 20 46 41 immy the dog. FA
00B260: 45 43 45 20 4D 41 4E 20 69 73 0D 0A 70 6C 61 79 ECE MAN is..play
00B270: 69 6E 67 20 73 6E 61 70 20 77 69 74 68 20 4D 55 ing snap with MU
00B280: 52 44 45 52 4F 43 4B 2E 20 42 41 20 69 73 20 67 RDEROCK. BA is g
00B290: 65 74 74 69 6E 67 20 64 72 75 6E 6B 20 6F 6E 20 etting drunk on
00B2A0: 73 6F 6D 65 20 67 69 6E 67 65 72 20 62 65 65 72 some ginger beer
00B2B0: 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 28 73 75 64 64 65 6E 6C 79 20 48 .....(suddenly H
00B2C0: 41 4E 4E 49 42 41 4C 20 68 65 61 72 73 20 61 20 ANNIBAL hears a
00B2D0: 6E 6F 69 73 65 2E 20 48 65 20 20 72 75 6E 73 20 noise. He runs
00B2E0: 20 6F 75 74 20 20 6F 66 20 20 74 68 65 20 72 6F out of the ro
00B2F0: 6F 6D 20 61 6E 64 20 72 65 74 75 72 6E 73 20 77 om and returns w
00B300: 69 74 68 20 61 0D 0A 6C 65 74 74 65 72 20 69 6E ith a..letter in
00B310: 20 68 69 73 20 68 61 6E 64 2E 29 0D 0A 0D 0A 42 his hand.)....B
00B320: 3A 20 47 69 6D 6D 65 20 74 68 61 74 2C 20 66 6F : Gimme that, fo
00B330: 6F 6C 2E 0D 0A 48 3A 20 4E 6F 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 28 ol...H: No.....(
00B340: 48 41 4E 4E 49 42 41 4C 20 6F 70 65 6E 73 20 6C HANNIBAL opens l
00B350: 65 74 74 65 72 20 61 6E 64 20 72 65 61 64 73 20 etter and reads
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00B8F0: 0A 28 42 41 20 65 6E 74 65 72 73 29 0D 0A 0D 0A .(BA enters)....
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00BA70: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00BA80: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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00BB00: 7E 48 54 68 65 20 61 64 76 65 6E 74 75 72 65 73 ~HThe adventures
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00BB70: 2D 2D 2F 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2F 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D --/-------/----.
00BB80: 0A 0D 0A 42 79 20 7E 42 53 6C 69 63 65 2F 44 53 ...By ~BSlice/DS
00BB90: 7E 4E 20 28 74 68 69 73 20 63 6F 75 6C 64 20 61 ~N (this could a
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00BBC0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00BBD0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00BBE0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00BBF0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00BC00: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 0D -------------...
00BC10: 0A 7E 57 50 41 52 54 20 4F 4E 45 20 2D 20 54 48 .~WPART ONE - TH
00BC20: 45 20 45 47 47 57 48 49 53 4B 0D 0A 0D 0A 42 6F E EGGWHISK....Bo
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00BCB0: 20 54 68 65 20 65 67 67 77 68 69 73 6B 2E 20 54 The eggwhisk. T
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00BD40: 20 74 6F 20 20 73 61 74 69 73 66 79 20 20 68 69 to satisfy hi
00BD50: 73 0D 0A 67 61 6D 62 6C 69 6E 67 20 61 64 64 69 s..gambling addi
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00BE30: 2E 20 48 65 6C 6C 2E 20 54 72 69 62 65 73 2E 20 . Hell. Tribes.
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00BE50: 20 4F 68 20 68 65 6C 6C 2C 20 6C 65 74 73 20 67 Oh hell, lets g
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00BE70: 0D 0A 20 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 65 6E 74 65 72 65 .. Boris entere
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00BEE0: 2E 20 41 76 6F 69 64 69 6E 67 20 70 6F 72 6E 6F . Avoiding porno
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00BF00: 54 72 61 63 6B 2D 49 6E 66 6F 0D 0A 00 00 00 00 Track-Info......
00BF10: 0A 00 00 00 02 09 4E E5 0A 00 C1 02 00 00 00 02 ......N.........
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00BF40: 0A 00 C6 02 00 00 00 02 0A 00 C7 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00BF50: 0A 00 C8 02 00 00 00 02 0A 00 C9 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00BF60: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00BF70: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
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00BFF0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00C000: 27 6C 6C 20 6D 6F 76 65 20 73 77 69 66 74 6C 79 'll move swiftly
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00C0B0: 2E 20 22 59 6F 6F 6F 75 20 68 61 76 65 20 74 6F . "Yooou have to
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00C100: 72 65 6C 69 63 2E 20 54 68 65 20 70 72 6F 66 65 relic. The profe
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00C130: 74 68 73 20 74 6F 20 42 6F 72 69 73 2E 20 22 59 ths to Boris. "Y
00C140: 6F 75 20 77 61 6E 20 73 68 75 6D 2C 20 65 68 3F ou wan shum, eh?
00C150: 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 4E 6F 2C 20 49 20 64 6F 6E 27 ".. "No, I don'
00C160: 74 20 64 72 69 6E 6B 2C 22 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 t drink," Boris
00C170: 72 65 70 6C 69 65 64 2E 0D 0A 20 20 22 54 68 65 replied... "The
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00C190: 2A 22 20 74 68 65 20 70 72 6F 66 65 73 73 6F 72 *" the professor
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00C1D0: 73 20 62 6F 74 74 6C 65 20 69 6E 74 6F 20 42 6F s bottle into Bo
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00C1F0: 61 68 21 22 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 65 78 63 6C 61 ah!" Boris excla
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00C210: 20 68 69 73 20 62 61 6C 61 6E 63 65 0D 0A 61 6E his balance..an
00C220: 64 20 66 65 6C 6C 20 66 6C 61 74 20 6F 6E 20 68 d fell flat on h
00C230: 69 73 20 72 65 61 72 2E 20 22 49 27 6C 6C 20 62 is rear. "I'll b
00C240: 72 65 61 6B 20 79 61 20 20 66 75 67 67 69 6E 27 reak ya fuggin'
00C250: 20 20 77 69 6E 64 75 7A 21 20 20 41 72 20 20 62 winduz! Ar b
00C260: 6C 6F 61 72 67 68 21 22 2E 20 20 54 68 65 0D 0A loargh!". The..
00C270: 70 72 6F 66 65 73 73 6F 72 20 76 6F 6D 69 74 65 professor vomite
00C280: 64 20 61 67 61 69 6E 20 62 65 66 6F 72 65 20 74 d again before t
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00C2A0: 69 67 20 6F 66 20 74 68 65 20 6D 65 74 68 73 2E ig of the meths.
00C2B0: 20 22 59 6F 75 20 64 6F 6E 27 74 20 20 77 61 6E "You don't wan
00C2C0: 0D 0A 73 6F 6D 65 20 6D 65 74 68 73 3F 20 57 68 ..some meths? Wh
00C2D0: 79 3F 20 59 61 20 6D 65 20 62 65 73 68 74 20 6D y? Ya me besht m
00C2E0: 61 74 65 2C 20 49 27 6D 20 67 6F 6E 6E 61 20 66 ate, I'm gonna f
00C2F0: 75 67 67 69 6E 20 62 72 61 69 6E 20 20 79 61 2E uggin brain ya.
00C300: 2E 2E 2E 2E 22 2E 20 20 48 69 73 20 20 76 6F 69 ....". His voi
00C310: 63 65 0D 0A 74 72 61 69 6C 65 64 20 6F 66 66 20 ce..trailed off
00C320: 61 73 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 64 75 67 20 74 68 65 as Boris dug the
00C330: 20 73 61 6D 75 72 61 69 20 73 77 6F 72 64 20 69 samurai sword i
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00C360: 20 68 69 6D 0D 0A 69 6E 73 74 61 6E 74 6C 79 2E him..instantly.
00C370: 20 22 44 69 63 6B 68 65 61 64 2C 22 20 42 6F 72 "Dickhead," Bor
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00C3A0: 6C 6B 65 64 20 6F 75 74 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 20 20 22 lked out..... "
00C3B0: 41 6C 6C 20 49 20 6B 6E 6F 77 20 69 73 20 74 68 All I know is th
00C3C0: 61 74 20 74 68 65 20 73 61 63 72 65 64 20 65 67 at the sacred eg
00C3D0: 67 77 68 69 73 6B 20 69 73 20 74 68 65 20 20 73 gwhisk is the s
00C3E0: 74 61 72 20 20 70 72 69 7A 65 20 20 66 6F 72 20 tar prize for
00C3F0: 20 74 68 65 20 20 77 69 6E 6E 69 6E 67 0D 0A 74 the winning..t
00C400: 72 69 62 65 20 69 6E 20 74 68 65 20 61 6E 6E 75 ribe in the annu
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00C420: 20 41 70 70 61 72 65 6E 74 6C 79 20 69 74 20 77 Apparently it w
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00C440: 68 65 20 53 72 65 6D 61 6C 20 74 72 69 62 65 0D he Sremal tribe.
00C450: 0A 62 79 20 74 68 69 73 20 67 75 79 2C 20 77 68 .by this guy, wh
00C460: 61 74 20 77 61 73 20 68 69 73 20 6E 61 6D 65 3F at was his name?
00C470: 20 45 72 6D 2E 2E 2E 2E 2E 22 2E 20 42 6F 72 69 Erm.....". Bori
00C480: 73 20 20 68 61 73 20 20 63 6F 72 6E 65 72 65 64 s has cornered
00C490: 20 20 61 20 20 67 75 79 20 20 69 6E 20 20 74 68 a guy in th
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00C4B0: 6D 61 6E 64 65 64 20 69 6E 66 6F 72 6D 61 74 69 manded informati
00C4C0: 6F 6E 2E 0D 0A 20 20 22 48 75 72 72 79 20 75 70 on... "Hurry up
00C4D0: 20 79 6F 75 20 73 68 69 74 20 66 6F 72 20 62 72 you shit for br
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00C4F0: 64 20 68 69 6D 2E 0D 0A 20 20 22 41 68 20 79 65 d him... "Ah ye
00C500: 73 2C 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 2E 2E 2E 20 2A 61 68 s, it was... *ah
00C510: 21 21 21 21 21 2A 22 20 54 68 65 20 6D 61 6E 20 !!!!!*" The man
00C520: 66 65 6C 6C 20 6F 76 65 72 2E 0D 0A 20 20 22 41 fell over... "A
00C530: 20 62 61 64 20 67 75 79 20 6E 61 6D 65 64 20 41 bad guy named A
00C540: 68 3F 20 4E 65 76 65 72 20 68 65 61 72 64 20 6F h? Never heard o
00C550: 66 20 68 69 6D 21 22 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 74 68 f him!" Boris th
00C560: 6F 75 67 68 74 2C 20 61 73 20 68 65 20 20 74 75 ought, as he tu
00C570: 72 6E 65 64 20 20 61 72 6F 75 6E 64 0D 0A 74 6F rned around..to
00C580: 20 6C 65 61 76 65 2E 20 22 59 6F 75 20 61 69 6E leave. "You ain
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00C5A0: 21 22 20 73 61 69 64 20 61 20 76 6F 69 63 65 2E !" said a voice.
00C5B0: 20 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 20 73 77 69 76 65 6C 6C Boris swivell
00C5C0: 65 64 20 20 61 72 6F 75 6E 64 20 20 74 6F 0D 0A ed around to..
00C5D0: 66 69 6E 64 20 61 20 73 68 6F 72 74 20 62 6C 61 find a short bla
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00C5F0: 75 6E 67 6C 61 73 73 65 73 2E 20 49 6E 20 68 69 unglasses. In hi
00C600: 73 20 6C 65 66 74 20 68 61 6E 64 20 77 61 73 20 s left hand was
00C610: 61 20 74 61 62 6C 65 73 70 6F 6F 6E 2E 0D 0A 20 a tablespoon...
00C620: 20 22 57 68 61 74 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 6C 6C 20 "What the hell
00C630: 61 72 65 20 79 6F 75 20 6F 6E 3F 22 20 42 6F 72 are you on?" Bor
00C640: 69 73 20 61 73 6B 65 64 2E 0D 0A 20 20 22 41 68 is asked... "Ah
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00C680: 79 6F 75 21 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 4F 68 2E 20 46 6F you!".. "Oh. Fo
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00C6F0: 20 20 22 59 61 20 6D 75 6D 6D 79 20 61 69 6E 27 "Ya mummy ain'
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00C710: 77 68 65 6E 20 49 20 73 63 6F 6F 70 20 79 65 72 when I scoop yer
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00C780: 20 73 75 6E 6C 69 67 68 74 2E 0D 0A 20 20 22 57 sunlight... "W
00C790: 68 6F 2E 2E 2E 20 77 68 6F 20 73 65 6E 74 20 79 ho... who sent y
00C7A0: 6F 75 3F 22 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 61 73 6B 65 64 ou?" Boris asked
00C7B0: 2C 20 68 6F 6C 64 69 6E 67 20 62 61 63 6B 20 74 , holding back t
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00C7F0: 20 6F 66 20 42 6F 72 65 6F 2C 20 6E 6F 77 20 73 of Boreo, now s
00C800: 68 75 74 20 20 75 70 21 22 20 20 54 68 65 20 20 hut up!" The
00C810: 62 6C 61 63 6B 20 20 64 75 64 65 0D 0A 61 64 76 black dude..adv
00C820: 61 6E 63 65 64 20 74 6F 77 61 72 64 73 20 42 6F anced towards Bo
00C830: 72 69 73 2E 20 53 75 64 64 65 6E 6C 79 20 74 68 ris. Suddenly th
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00C860: 20 61 6E 64 20 20 73 6D 61 73 68 65 64 0D 0A 69 and smashed..i
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00C880: 65 61 64 2E 20 22 59 6F 75 20 61 69 6E 27 74 20 ead. "You ain't
00C890: 45 67 67 68 65 61 64 21 22 20 74 68 65 20 62 6C Egghead!" the bl
00C8A0: 61 63 6B 20 67 75 79 20 63 72 69 65 64 2E 0D 0A ack guy cried...
00C8B0: 20 20 22 54 68 69 73 20 69 73 6E 27 74 20 42 61 "This isn't Ba
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00C8D0: 68 65 20 61 64 76 65 6E 74 75 72 65 73 20 6F 66 he adventures of
00C8E0: 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 69 6E 20 42 6F 72 65 64 6F Boris in Boredo
00C8F0: 6D 20 6C 61 6E 64 60 2E 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 57 68 m land`.".. "Wh
00C900: 6F 6F 70 73 21 20 57 72 6F 6E 67 20 73 63 72 69 oops! Wrong scri
00C910: 70 74 21 22 0D 0A 20 20 54 68 65 20 62 6C 61 63 pt!".. The blac
00C920: 6B 20 67 75 79 20 70 72 6F 64 75 63 65 64 20 61 k guy produced a
00C930: 20 63 68 61 69 6E 73 61 77 2C 20 62 75 74 20 42 chainsaw, but B
00C940: 6F 72 69 73 20 72 61 6E 20 6F 66 66 20 20 6A 75 oris ran off ju
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00C970: 0D 0A 20 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 77 61 73 20 61 6C .. Boris was al
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00C990: 74 6F 20 67 6F 2E 20 20 53 65 61 70 6C 61 6E 65 to go. Seaplane
00C9A0: 2E 20 20 54 6F 6F 74 68 70 61 73 74 65 2E 20 20 . Toothpaste.
00C9B0: 49 6E 73 65 63 74 20 20 72 65 70 65 6C 6C 61 6E Insect repellan
00C9C0: 74 2E 0D 0A 41 64 76 65 6E 74 75 72 65 72 73 20 t...Adventurers
00C9D0: 65 71 75 69 70 6D 65 6E 74 2E 20 48 61 74 2E 20 equipment. Hat.
00C9E0: 28 4B 69 6E 6B 79 29 20 77 68 69 70 2E 20 42 6C (Kinky) whip. Bl
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00CA40: 6C 65 73 20 20 64 75 65 20 20 4E 6F 72 74 68 2E les due North.
00CA50: 20 20 42 6F 72 69 73 20 20 77 61 73 20 20 62 61 Boris was ba
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00CA70: 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 0D 0A 50 61 .....-----....Pa
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00D000: 7E 48 20 54 68 65 20 44 61 79 20 53 61 6E 74 61 ~H The Day Santa
00D010: 20 43 6C 61 75 73 20 43 61 6D 65 20 54 6F 20 56 Claus Came To V
00D020: 69 73 69 74 2E 2E 2E 2E 2E 0D 0A 7E 4C 20 54 68 isit.......~L Th
00D030: 65 20 44 61 79 20 53 61 6E 74 61 20 43 6C 61 75 e Day Santa Clau
00D040: 73 20 43 61 6D 65 20 54 6F 20 56 69 73 69 74 2E s Came To Visit.
00D050: 2E 2E 2E 2E 0D 0A 7E 57 20 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ......~W -------
00D060: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00D070: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D ---------------.
00D080: 0A 0D 0A 41 20 73 68 6F 72 74 20 73 74 6F 72 79 ...A short story
00D090: 20 77 69 74 68 20 61 20 63 68 69 6C 6C 69 6E 67 with a chilling
00D0A0: 20 65 64 67 65 20 6A 75 73 27 20 66 6F 72 20 43 edge jus' for C
00D0B0: 68 72 69 73 74 6D 61 73 2E 2E 2E 2E 2E 0D 0A 0D hristmas........
00D0C0: 0A 57 65 6C 6C 2C 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 43 68 .Well, it was Ch
00D0D0: 72 69 73 74 6D 61 73 20 77 68 65 6E 20 49 20 77 ristmas when I w
00D0E0: 72 6F 74 65 20 69 74 2E 20 42 79 20 53 6C 69 63 rote it. By Slic
00D0F0: 65 2F 44 53 0D 0A 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F e/DS..__________
00D100: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00D110: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00D120: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00D130: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00D140: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 0D 0A 0D 0A 54 48 45 20 54 49 ______....THE TI
00D150: 4D 45 3A 20 38 3A 30 39 70 6D 20 28 45 53 54 29 ME: 8:09pm (EST)
00D160: 20 32 34 74 68 20 44 65 63 65 6D 62 65 72 0D 0A 24th December..
00D170: 54 48 45 20 50 4C 41 43 45 3A 20 41 20 6B 69 74 THE PLACE: A kit
00D180: 63 68 65 6E 20 69 6E 20 61 20 68 6F 75 73 65 20 chen in a house
00D190: 69 6E 20 73 75 62 75 72 62 69 61 20 28 6F 77 6E in suburbia (own
00D1A0: 65 64 20 20 62 79 20 20 74 68 65 20 20 48 65 61 ed by the Hea
00D1B0: 64 2D 4C 6F 63 6B 20 20 66 61 6D 69 6C 79 29 2C d-Lock family),
00D1C0: 0D 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 73 6F 6D .. som
00D1D0: 65 77 68 65 72 65 20 69 6E 20 74 68 65 20 55 53 ewhere in the US
00D1E0: 41 2E 2E 2E 2E 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 22 4D 6F 6D 6D 79 A........."Mommy
00D1F0: 20 6D 6F 6D 6D 79 2C 20 49 27 6D 20 61 6E 20 61 mommy, I'm an a
00D200: 54 72 61 63 6B 2D 49 6E 66 6F 0D 0A 00 00 00 00 Track-Info......
00D210: 0B 00 00 00 02 09 4E E5 0B 00 C1 02 00 00 00 02 ......N.........
00D220: 0B 00 C2 02 00 00 00 02 0B 00 C3 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00D230: 0B 00 C4 02 00 00 00 02 0B 00 C5 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00D240: 0B 00 C6 02 00 00 00 02 0B 00 C7 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00D250: 0B 00 C8 02 00 00 00 02 0B 00 C9 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00D260: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00D270: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00D280: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00D290: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00D2A0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00D2B0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00D2C0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00D2D0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
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00D300: 6E 6E 6F 79 69 6E 67 20 41 6D 65 72 69 63 61 6E nnoying American
00D310: 20 62 72 61 74 21 22 20 73 63 72 65 61 6D 65 64 brat!" screamed
00D320: 20 74 68 65 20 73 69 78 20 20 79 65 61 72 20 20 the six year
00D330: 6F 6C 64 20 20 6E 61 6D 65 64 0D 0A 4D 61 72 74 old named..Mart
00D340: 69 6E 2E 20 22 49 20 6B 6E 6F 77 2C 20 64 65 61 in. "I know, dea
00D350: 72 2C 22 20 72 65 70 6C 69 65 64 20 68 69 73 20 r," replied his
00D360: 22 6D 6F 6D 22 2C 20 44 6F 72 69 73 2C 20 61 73 "mom", Doris, as
00D370: 20 73 68 65 20 70 72 65 70 61 72 65 64 20 74 68 she prepared th
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00D390: 64 20 28 49 20 68 61 64 20 73 6F 6D 65 20 70 75 d (I had some pu
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00D3D0: 6D 20 73 6F 6D 65 6F 6E 65 20 20 77 68 6F 0D 0A m someone who..
00D3E0: 77 69 6C 6C 20 73 74 61 79 20 75 6E 2D 6E 61 6D will stay un-nam
00D3F0: 65 64 20 77 72 6F 74 65 29 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 20 20 ed wrote).....
00D400: 41 74 20 74 68 69 73 20 70 6F 69 6E 74 20 74 68 At this point th
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00D440: 6E 2E 20 20 57 65 6C 6C 2C 20 20 73 68 65 0D 0A n. Well, she..
00D450: 77 61 64 64 6C 65 64 20 69 6E 20 27 63 6F 73 20 waddled in 'cos
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00D510: 53 61 6E 74 61 20 62 72 69 6E 67 20 20 6D 65 20 Santa bring me
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00D560: 74 68 69 73 20 79 65 61 72 3F 22 20 73 68 65 20 this year?" she
00D570: 61 73 6B 65 64 2E 20 22 41 6E 27 20 77 69 6C 6C asked. "An' will
00D580: 20 53 61 6E 74 61 20 43 6C 61 75 73 20 62 72 69 Santa Claus bri
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00D5A0: 65 72 20 4D 45 47 41 20 42 6C 61 73 74 65 72 20 er MEGA Blaster
00D5B0: 63 6F 6E 73 6F 6C 65 20 74 68 69 73 20 43 68 72 console this Chr
00D5C0: 69 73 74 6D 61 73 3F 22 20 70 69 70 65 64 20 75 istmas?" piped u
00D5D0: 70 20 4D 61 72 74 69 6E 2E 0D 0A 20 20 22 48 6F p Martin... "Ho
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00D610: 64 6F 6E 27 74 20 20 64 65 6C 69 76 65 72 20 20 don't deliver
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00D690: 2D 4C 6F 63 6B 20 28 74 6F 20 67 69 76 65 20 68 -Lock (to give h
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00D700: 0A 72 61 6E 67 2E 20 44 75 6E 64 65 72 20 67 6F .rang. Dunder go
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00D720: 74 68 65 20 64 6F 6F 72 20 2D 20 74 6F 20 20 62 the door - to b
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00D740: 46 61 74 68 65 72 20 20 43 68 72 69 73 74 6D 61 Father Christma
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00D7F0: 77 61 6E 74 3F 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 57 65 20 77 69 want?".. "We wi
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00D8D0: 20 61 74 20 20 68 65 72 20 20 74 6F 6F 2E 20 48 at her too. H
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00D920: 20 28 68 6D 6D 2E 2E 2E 2E 2E 29 2E 20 4A 75 73 (hmm.....). Jus
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00E130: 54 20 54 48 45 20 53 50 4F 4F 4E 4D 41 4B 45 52 T THE SPOONMAKER
00E140: 0D 0A 7E 57 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 2D 2D ..~W --
00E150: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00E160: 2D 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E 49 28 54 68 61 6E 78 20 74 6F -....~I(Thanx to
00E170: 20 48 59 50 4E 4F 4D 45 47 41 20 66 6F 72 20 73 HYPNOMEGA for s
00E180: 65 6E 64 69 6E 67 20 6D 65 20 74 68 69 73 20 61 ending me this a
00E190: 72 74 69 63 6C 65 20 2D 20 53 6C 69 63 65 29 0D rticle - Slice).
00E1A0: 0A 0D 0A 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ...-------------
00E1B0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00E1C0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00E1D0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00E1E0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
00E1F0: 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 0D 0A 48 69 20 44 75 64 65 73 21 ---....Hi Dudes!
00E200: 20 54 68 69 7A 20 73 74 6F 72 79 20 69 27 76 65 Thiz story i've
00E210: 20 66 6F 75 6E 64 20 73 6F 6D 65 2D 77 68 65 72 found some-wher
00E220: 65 20 6F 6E 20 74 68 65 20 43 44 20 6F 66 20 55 e on the CD of U
00E230: 6C 74 69 6D 61 20 56 49 49 49 2E 20 49 74 27 73 ltima VIII. It's
00E240: 20 70 72 65 74 74 79 0D 0A 63 6F 6F 6C 2E 2E 2E pretty..cool...
00E250: 2E 20 41 70 70 65 6E 64 69 58 0D 0A 0D 0A 20 20 . AppendiX....
00E260: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20
00E270: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 53 70 6F Spo
00E280: 74 20 74 68 65 20 53 70 6F 6F 6E 6D 61 6B 65 72 t the Spoonmaker
00E290: 0D 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 ..
00E2A0: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20
00E2B0: 20 20 20 20 62 79 20 52 2E 20 43 6F 72 65 6C 6C by R. Corell
00E2C0: 0D 0A 0D 0A 4F 6E 63 65 20 75 70 6F 6E 20 61 20 ....Once upon a
00E2D0: 74 69 6D 65 2C 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 77 61 73 20 time, there was
00E2E0: 61 20 66 61 6D 69 6C 79 20 6F 66 20 70 65 6E 67 a family of peng
00E2F0: 75 69 6E 73 20 74 68 61 74 20 6C 69 76 65 64 20 uins that lived
00E300: 69 6E 73 69 64 65 20 61 20 20 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F inside a meatlo
00E310: 63 6B 65 72 0D 0A 6A 75 73 74 20 6F 75 74 73 69 cker..just outsi
00E320: 64 65 20 6F 66 20 61 20 67 61 73 20 73 74 61 74 de of a gas stat
00E330: 69 6F 6E 2C 20 6A 75 73 74 20 6F 75 74 73 69 64 ion, just outsid
00E340: 65 20 6F 66 20 57 61 78 61 68 61 63 68 69 65 2C e of Waxahachie,
00E350: 20 20 54 65 78 61 73 2E 20 20 55 70 6F 6E 20 20 Texas. Upon
00E360: 62 69 72 74 68 2C 0D 0A 65 61 63 68 20 63 68 69 birth,..each chi
00E370: 6C 64 20 77 61 73 20 61 73 73 69 67 6E 65 64 20 ld was assigned
00E380: 20 61 20 20 6E 61 6D 65 20 20 61 6E 64 20 20 61 a name and a
00E390: 6E 20 20 6F 63 63 75 70 61 74 69 6F 6E 2E 20 20 n occupation.
00E3A0: 4E 6F 77 2C 20 20 62 79 20 20 74 68 65 20 20 74 Now, by the t
00E3B0: 69 6D 65 20 20 74 68 65 0D 0A 0D 0A 74 77 65 6E ime the....twen
00E3C0: 74 79 2D 73 65 76 65 6E 74 68 20 73 6F 6E 20 77 ty-seventh son w
00E3D0: 61 73 20 62 6F 72 6E 2C 20 61 6C 6C 20 74 68 65 as born, all the
00E3E0: 20 67 6F 6F 64 20 70 65 6E 67 75 69 6E 20 6E 61 good penguin na
00E3F0: 6D 65 73 20 20 6C 69 6B 65 20 20 51 75 65 74 7A mes like Quetz
00E400: 61 6C 63 6F 61 74 6C 20 20 61 6E 64 0D 0A 57 6F alcoatl and..Wo
00E410: 67 6F 73 68 6F 6F 6E 62 65 72 72 79 20 77 65 72 goshoonberry wer
00E420: 65 20 74 61 6B 65 6E 20 61 6E 64 20 74 68 65 72 e taken and ther
00E430: 65 20 72 65 61 6C 6C 79 20 77 65 72 65 6E 27 74 e really weren't
00E440: 20 61 6E 79 20 6D 6F 72 65 20 6F 63 63 75 70 61 any more occupa
00E450: 74 69 6F 6E 73 20 6C 65 66 74 20 20 69 6E 0D 0A tions left in..
00E460: 74 68 65 20 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 2E 20 the meatlocker.
00E470: 53 6F 2C 20 74 68 65 20 74 77 65 6E 74 79 2D 73 So, the twenty-s
00E480: 65 76 65 6E 74 68 20 73 6F 6E 20 77 61 73 20 20 eventh son was
00E490: 61 72 62 69 74 72 61 72 69 6C 79 20 20 64 65 63 arbitrarily dec
00E4A0: 6C 61 72 65 64 20 20 53 70 6F 74 20 20 74 68 65 lared Spot the
00E4B0: 0D 0A 53 70 6F 6F 6E 6D 61 6B 65 72 2E 20 53 70 ..Spoonmaker. Sp
00E4C0: 6F 74 20 64 69 64 6E 27 74 20 72 65 61 6C 69 7A ot didn't realiz
00E4D0: 65 20 74 68 61 74 20 61 6C 6C 20 6F 66 20 74 68 e that all of th
00E4E0: 69 73 20 77 61 73 20 61 72 62 69 74 72 61 72 79 is was arbitrary
00E4F0: 20 61 6E 64 20 68 65 20 73 65 74 20 6F 75 74 20 and he set out
00E500: 54 72 61 63 6B 2D 49 6E 66 6F 0D 0A 00 00 00 00 Track-Info......
00E510: 0C 00 00 00 02 09 4E E5 0C 00 C1 02 00 00 00 02 ......N.........
00E520: 0C 00 C2 02 00 00 00 02 0C 00 C3 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00E530: 0C 00 C4 02 00 00 00 02 0C 00 C5 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00E540: 0C 00 C6 02 00 00 00 02 0C 00 C7 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00E550: 0C 00 C8 02 00 00 00 02 0C 00 C9 02 00 00 00 02 ................
00E560: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E570: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E580: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E590: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E5A0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E5B0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E5C0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E5D0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E5E0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E5F0: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
00E600: 74 6F 0D 0A 62 65 20 74 68 65 20 76 65 72 79 20 to..be the very
00E610: 62 65 73 74 20 73 70 6F 6F 6E 6D 61 6B 65 72 20 best spoonmaker
00E620: 68 65 20 63 6F 75 6C 64 20 62 65 2E 20 41 6C 6C he could be. All
00E630: 20 6F 66 20 74 68 65 20 64 61 79 20 61 6E 64 20 of the day and
00E640: 61 6C 6C 20 20 6F 66 20 20 74 68 65 20 20 6E 69 all of the ni
00E650: 67 68 74 2C 0D 0A 53 70 6F 74 20 77 6F 75 6C 64 ght,..Spot would
00E660: 20 66 65 72 76 65 6E 74 6C 79 20 63 72 61 66 74 fervently craft
00E670: 20 68 69 73 20 73 70 6F 6F 6E 73 20 61 6E 64 20 his spoons and
00E680: 63 6F 6E 74 65 6D 70 6C 61 74 65 20 68 69 73 20 contemplate his
00E690: 6F 63 63 75 70 61 74 69 6F 6E 2E 20 20 42 75 74 occupation. But
00E6A0: 20 20 53 70 6F 74 0D 0A 77 61 73 20 73 6F 6F 6E Spot..was soon
00E6B0: 20 63 6F 6E 73 75 6D 65 64 20 77 69 74 68 20 6E consumed with n
00E6C0: 61 67 67 69 6E 67 20 64 6F 75 62 74 73 2E 20 57 agging doubts. W
00E6D0: 65 72 65 20 68 69 73 20 73 70 6F 6F 6E 73 20 74 ere his spoons t
00E6E0: 68 65 20 62 65 73 74 20 74 68 65 79 20 20 63 6F he best they co
00E6F0: 75 6C 64 20 20 62 65 3F 0D 0A 57 65 72 65 20 74 uld be?..Were t
00E700: 68 65 72 65 20 6F 74 68 65 72 20 73 70 6F 6F 6E here other spoon
00E710: 73 20 69 6E 20 74 68 65 20 77 6F 72 6C 64 3F 20 s in the world?
00E720: 4F 74 68 65 72 20 73 70 6F 6F 6E 6D 61 6B 65 72 Other spoonmaker
00E730: 73 3F 20 57 61 73 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 6D 6F 72 s? Was there mor
00E740: 65 20 74 6F 20 6C 69 66 65 2C 0D 0A 74 68 65 20 e to life,..the
00E750: 75 6E 69 76 65 72 73 65 2C 20 61 6E 64 20 65 76 universe, and ev
00E760: 65 72 79 74 68 69 6E 67 20 74 68 61 6E 20 74 68 erything than th
00E770: 65 20 63 6C 61 6D 6D 79 20 69 6E 74 65 72 69 6F e clammy interio
00E780: 72 20 6F 66 20 61 20 6D 6F 6C 64 79 20 6D 65 61 r of a moldy mea
00E790: 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 3F 20 20 48 65 0D 0A 62 65 tlocker? He..be
00E7A0: 67 61 6E 20 74 6F 20 77 6F 6E 64 65 72 20 69 66 gan to wonder if
00E7B0: 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 77 65 72 65 20 61 20 77 6F there were a wo
00E7C0: 72 6C 64 20 6F 75 74 73 69 64 65 20 74 68 65 20 rld outside the
00E7D0: 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 2C 20 61 20 20 77 meatlocker, a w
00E7E0: 6F 72 6C 64 20 20 66 75 6C 6C 20 20 6F 66 0D 0A orld full of..
00E7F0: 6E 6F 74 20 6F 6E 6C 79 20 73 70 6F 6F 6E 73 2C not only spoons,
00E800: 20 62 75 74 20 66 6C 61 74 77 61 72 65 20 6F 66 but flatware of
00E810: 20 61 6C 6C 20 6B 69 6E 64 73 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 53 all kinds.....S
00E820: 70 6F 74 20 77 65 6E 74 20 74 6F 20 68 69 73 20 pot went to his
00E830: 66 61 74 68 65 72 20 61 6E 64 20 73 61 69 64 2C father and said,
00E840: 20 22 46 61 74 68 65 72 2E 2E 2E 22 20 61 6E 64 "Father..." and
00E850: 20 68 69 73 20 66 61 74 68 65 72 20 73 61 69 64 his father said
00E860: 2C 20 22 57 68 6F 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 6C 6C 0D , "Who the hell.
00E870: 0A 61 72 65 20 79 6F 75 3F 22 20 61 6E 64 20 53 .are you?" and S
00E880: 70 6F 74 20 73 61 69 64 2C 20 22 49 20 61 6D 20 pot said, "I am
00E890: 79 6F 75 72 20 74 77 65 6E 74 79 2D 73 65 76 65 your twenty-seve
00E8A0: 6E 74 68 20 73 6F 6E 2C 20 53 70 6F 74 2E 22 0D nth son, Spot.".
00E8B0: 0A 20 20 22 53 70 6F 74 3F 20 4F 68 2E 2E 2E 75 . "Spot? Oh...u
00E8C0: 68 2E 2E 2E 79 65 61 68 2C 20 73 75 72 65 2E 20 h...yeah, sure.
00E8D0: 49 20 63 61 6E 27 74 20 74 65 6C 6C 20 61 6E 79 I can't tell any
00E8E0: 20 6F 66 20 79 6F 75 20 61 70 61 72 74 2E 22 0D of you apart.".
00E8F0: 0A 20 20 22 46 61 74 68 65 72 2C 20 61 73 20 74 . "Father, as t
00E900: 68 65 20 66 61 6D 69 6C 79 20 53 70 6F 6F 6E 6D he family Spoonm
00E910: 61 6B 65 72 2C 20 49 20 77 6F 75 6C 64 2E 2E 2E aker, I would...
00E920: 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 53 70 6F 6F 6E 6D 61 6B 65 72 ".. "Spoonmaker
00E930: 3F 20 57 68 61 74 20 61 72 65 20 79 6F 75 20 74 ? What are you t
00E940: 61 6C 6B 69 6E 67 20 61 62 6F 75 74 3F 20 45 68 alking about? Eh
00E950: 3F 22 20 48 65 20 74 68 65 6E 20 77 61 6E 64 65 ?" He then wande
00E960: 72 65 64 20 61 77 61 79 2C 20 61 73 20 68 65 20 red away, as he
00E970: 68 61 64 0D 0A 6E 6F 20 61 74 74 65 6E 74 69 6F had..no attentio
00E980: 6E 20 73 70 61 6E 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 42 75 74 20 53 n span.....But S
00E990: 70 6F 74 20 77 61 73 20 75 6E 64 61 75 6E 74 65 pot was undaunte
00E9A0: 64 2E 20 48 65 20 77 61 73 20 61 20 53 70 6F 6F d. He was a Spoo
00E9B0: 6E 6D 61 6B 65 72 2E 20 48 65 20 77 61 73 20 74 nmaker. He was t
00E9C0: 68 65 20 62 65 73 74 20 53 70 6F 6F 6E 6D 61 6B he best Spoonmak
00E9D0: 65 72 20 20 69 6E 20 20 74 68 65 0D 0A 77 6F 72 er in the..wor
00E9E0: 6C 64 2E 20 41 73 20 66 61 72 20 61 73 20 68 65 ld. As far as he
00E9F0: 20 6B 6E 65 77 2E 20 53 6F 20 68 65 20 67 61 74 knew. So he gat
00EA00: 68 65 72 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 66 61 6D 69 6C 79 hered the family
00EA10: 20 74 6F 67 65 74 68 65 72 20 20 61 6E 64 20 20 together and
00EA20: 6D 61 64 65 20 20 61 20 20 62 6F 6C 64 0D 0A 61 made a bold..a
00EA30: 6E 6E 6F 75 6E 63 65 6D 65 6E 74 2E 20 22 4D 79 nnouncement. "My
00EA40: 20 66 61 6D 69 6C 79 2C 22 20 73 61 69 64 20 68 family," said h
00EA50: 65 2C 20 22 49 20 70 6C 61 6E 20 74 6F 20 6A 6F e, "I plan to jo
00EA60: 75 72 6E 65 79 20 74 6F 20 74 68 65 20 77 6F 72 urney to the wor
00EA70: 6C 64 20 6F 75 74 73 69 64 65 20 20 74 68 65 0D ld outside the.
00EA80: 0A 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 2E 22 0D 0A 0D .meatlocker."...
00EA90: 0A 54 68 65 72 65 20 77 61 73 20 61 20 67 65 6E .There was a gen
00EAA0: 65 72 61 6C 20 70 61 6E 69 63 2E 20 20 22 49 74 eral panic. "It
00EAB0: 73 20 20 64 61 6E 67 65 72 6F 75 73 20 20 6F 75 s dangerous ou
00EAC0: 74 20 20 74 68 65 72 65 21 22 20 20 74 68 65 79 t there!" they
00EAD0: 20 20 73 61 69 64 2E 20 20 22 54 68 65 72 65 27 said. "There'
00EAE0: 73 0D 0A 6E 6F 74 68 69 6E 67 20 6F 75 74 20 74 s..nothing out t
00EAF0: 68 65 72 65 21 22 20 74 68 65 79 20 73 61 69 64 here!" they said
00EB00: 2E 20 48 69 73 20 66 61 74 68 65 72 20 73 70 6F . His father spo
00EB10: 6B 65 2C 20 22 43 68 69 6E 63 68 69 6E 63 68 69 ke, "Chinchinchi
00EB20: 6B 69 6B 61 2C 20 49 20 64 6F 6E 27 74 2E 2E 2E kika, I don't...
00EB30: 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 53 70 6F 74 2C 20 44 61 64 2C ".. "Spot, Dad,
00EB40: 20 53 70 6F 74 2E 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 57 68 61 74 Spot.".. "What
00EB50: 65 76 65 72 2E 20 59 6F 75 20 63 61 6E 27 74 20 ever. You can't
00EB60: 67 6F 20 6F 75 74 20 74 68 65 72 65 2C 20 79 6F go out there, yo
00EB70: 75 27 6C 6C 20 67 65 74 20 65 61 74 65 6E 20 62 u'll get eaten b
00EB80: 79 20 20 61 20 20 77 61 6C 72 75 73 2C 20 20 6A y a walrus, j
00EB90: 75 73 74 20 20 6C 69 6B 65 0D 0A 79 6F 75 72 20 ust like..your
00EBA0: 55 6E 63 6C 65 20 42 6F 62 21 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 Uncle Bob!".. "
00EBB0: 42 75 74 20 55 6E 63 6C 65 20 42 6F 62 20 69 73 But Uncle Bob is
00EBC0: 20 72 69 67 68 74 20 6F 76 65 72 20 74 68 65 72 right over ther
00EBD0: 65 20 69 6E 20 74 68 65 20 63 6F 72 6E 65 72 2E e in the corner.
00EBE0: 22 0D 0A 20 20 22 4F 68 2E 20 49 20 63 61 6E 27 ".. "Oh. I can'
00EBF0: 74 20 74 65 6C 6C 20 61 6E 79 20 6F 66 20 79 6F t tell any of yo
00EC00: 75 20 61 70 61 72 74 2E 20 53 74 69 6C 6C 2C 20 u apart. Still,
00EC10: 69 74 73 20 74 6F 6F 20 64 61 6E 67 65 72 6F 75 its too dangerou
00EC20: 73 2E 22 20 54 68 65 20 72 65 73 74 20 6F 66 20 s." The rest of
00EC30: 74 68 65 0D 0A 66 61 6D 69 6C 79 20 63 6F 6E 63 the..family conc
00EC40: 75 72 72 65 64 20 77 69 74 68 20 68 69 73 20 73 urred with his s
00EC50: 61 67 61 63 69 6F 75 73 20 61 64 76 69 63 65 2C agacious advice,
00EC60: 20 75 72 67 69 6E 67 20 53 70 6F 74 20 74 6F 20 urging Spot to
00EC70: 67 69 76 65 20 75 70 20 20 68 69 73 20 20 66 6F give up his fo
00EC80: 6F 6C 69 73 68 0D 0A 64 72 65 61 6D 2E 0D 0A 0D olish..dream....
00EC90: 0A 42 75 74 20 53 70 6F 74 20 77 61 73 20 61 20 .But Spot was a
00ECA0: 6D 61 6B 65 72 20 6F 66 20 20 53 70 6F 6F 6E 73 maker of Spoons
00ECB0: 2E 20 20 48 65 20 20 68 65 72 6F 69 63 61 6C 6C . He heroicall
00ECC0: 79 20 20 73 74 72 6F 64 65 20 20 74 6F 20 20 74 y strode to t
00ECD0: 68 65 20 20 64 6F 6F 72 20 20 6F 66 20 20 74 68 he door of th
00ECE0: 65 0D 0A 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 20 61 6E e..meatlocker an
00ECF0: 64 20 74 68 72 65 77 20 69 74 20 6F 70 65 6E 2E d threw it open.
00ED00: 20 54 68 65 20 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 2C The meatlocker,
00ED10: 20 61 73 20 68 61 73 20 62 65 65 6E 20 20 65 78 as has been ex
00ED20: 70 6C 61 69 6E 65 64 2C 20 20 77 61 73 20 20 6A plained, was j
00ED30: 75 73 74 0D 0A 6F 75 74 73 69 64 65 20 6F 66 20 ust..outside of
00ED40: 61 20 67 61 73 20 73 74 61 74 69 6F 6E 2C 20 6A a gas station, j
00ED50: 75 73 74 20 20 6F 75 74 73 69 64 65 20 20 6F 66 ust outside of
00ED60: 20 20 57 61 78 61 68 61 63 68 69 65 2C 20 20 54 Waxahachie, T
00ED70: 65 78 61 73 2C 20 20 77 68 65 72 65 20 20 69 74 exas, where it
00ED80: 20 20 77 61 73 0D 0A 6F 6E 65 2D 68 75 6E 64 72 was..one-hundr
00ED90: 65 64 20 61 6E 64 20 73 69 78 20 64 65 67 72 65 ed and six degre
00EDA0: 65 73 20 69 6E 20 74 68 65 20 73 68 61 64 65 2E es in the shade.
00EDB0: 20 54 68 65 20 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 20 The meatlocker
00EDC0: 77 61 73 20 6E 6F 74 20 20 69 6E 20 20 74 68 65 was not in the
00EDD0: 20 20 73 68 61 64 65 0D 0A 61 6E 64 20 61 6C 6C shade..and all
00EDE0: 20 74 68 65 20 70 65 6E 67 75 69 6E 73 20 64 69 the penguins di
00EDF0: 65 64 20 6F 66 20 68 65 61 74 20 70 72 6F 73 74 ed of heat prost
00EE00: 72 61 74 69 6F 6E 20 65 78 63 65 70 74 20 20 66 ration except f
00EE10: 6F 72 20 20 55 6E 63 6C 65 20 20 42 6F 62 2C 20 or Uncle Bob,
00EE20: 20 77 68 6F 20 20 77 61 73 0D 0A 65 61 74 65 6E who was..eaten
00EE30: 20 62 79 20 61 20 77 61 6C 72 75 73 2E 0D 0A 0D by a walrus....
00EE40: 0A 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 .
00EE50: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20
00EE60: 20 20 20 20 20 20 54 68 65 20 45 6E 64 0D 0A 1A The End...
00EE70: 20 48 59 50 4E 4F 4D 45 47 41 20 66 6F 72 20 73 HYPNOMEGA for s
00EE80: 6F 6C 69 73 68 0D 0A 64 72 65 61 6D 2E 0D 0A 0D olish..dream....
00EE90: 0A 42 75 74 20 53 70 6F 74 20 77 61 73 20 61 20 .But Spot was a
00EEA0: 6D 61 6B 65 72 20 6F 66 20 20 53 70 6F 6F 6E 73 maker of Spoons
00EEB0: 2E 20 20 48 65 20 20 68 65 72 6F 69 63 61 6C 6C . He heroicall
00EEC0: 79 20 20 73 74 72 6F 64 65 20 20 74 6F 20 20 74 y strode to t
00EED0: 68 65 20 20 64 6F 6F 72 20 20 6F 66 20 20 74 68 he door of th
00EEE0: 65 0D 0A 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 20 61 6E e..meatlocker an
00EEF0: 64 20 74 68 72 65 77 20 69 74 20 6F 70 65 6E 2E d threw it open.
00EF00: 20 54 68 65 20 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 2C The meatlocker,
00EF10: 20 61 73 20 68 61 73 20 62 65 65 6E 20 20 65 78 as has been ex
00EF20: 70 6C 61 69 6E 65 64 2C 20 20 77 61 73 20 20 6A plained, was j
00EF30: 75 73 74 0D 0A 6F 75 74 73 69 64 65 20 6F 66 20 ust..outside of
00EF40: 61 20 67 61 73 20 73 74 61 74 69 6F 6E 2C 20 6A a gas station, j
00EF50: 75 73 74 20 20 6F 75 74 73 69 64 65 20 20 6F 66 ust outside of
00EF60: 20 20 57 61 78 61 68 61 63 68 69 65 2C 20 20 54 Waxahachie, T
00EF70: 65 78 61 73 2C 20 20 77 68 65 72 65 20 20 69 74 exas, where it
00EF80: 20 20 77 61 73 0D 0A 6F 6E 65 2D 68 75 6E 64 72 was..one-hundr
00EF90: 65 64 20 61 6E 64 20 73 69 78 20 64 65 67 72 65 ed and six degre
00EFA0: 65 73 20 69 6E 20 74 68 65 20 73 68 61 64 65 2E es in the shade.
00EFB0: 20 54 68 65 20 6D 65 61 74 6C 6F 63 6B 65 72 20 The meatlocker
00EFC0: 77 61 73 20 6E 6F 74 20 20 69 6E 20 20 74 68 65 was not in the
00EFD0: 20 20 73 68 61 64 65 0D 0A 61 6E 64 20 61 6C 6C shade..and all
00EFE0: 20 74 68 65 20 70 65 6E 67 75 69 6E 73 20 64 69 the penguins di
00EFF0: 65 64 20 6F 66 20 68 65 61 74 20 70 72 6F 73 74 ed of heat prost
00F000: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F010: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F020: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F030: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F040: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F050: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F060: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F070: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F080: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F090: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F0A0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F0B0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F0C0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F0D0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F0E0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F0F0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F100: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F110: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F120: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
00F130: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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00F200: 7E 48 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 ~H
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00F250: 2F 2D 0D 0A 0D 0A 48 61 6C 6C 6F 21 20 49 74 27 /-....Hallo! It'
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00F3E0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00F3F0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
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00F410: 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E 57 53 43 48 41 44 45 4C 20 44 45 ....~WSCHADEL DE
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00F6A0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00F6B0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00F6C0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00F6D0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00F6E0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E ___________....~
00F6F0: 57 57 4F 4D 45 4E 20 41 4E 44 20 44 52 41 47 4F WWOMEN AND DRAGO
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00FB30: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00FB40: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00FB50: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00FB60: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
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00FF80: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00FF90: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
00FFA0: 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F 5F ________________
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00FFC0: 57 4D 41 47 45 27 53 20 22 42 45 53 54 22 20 44 WMAGE'S "BEST" D
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015300: 7E 48 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 ~H
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015420: 0A 0D 0A 45 44 49 54 4F 52 3A 20 42 72 69 61 6E ...EDITOR: Brian
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0154D0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 42 41 43 4B 47 52 4F 55 4E 44 ----..BACKGROUND
0154E0: 3A 20 41 20 6D 75 6C 74 69 2D 66 6F 72 6D 61 74 : A multi-format
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015550: 20 54 68 65 72 65 20 69 73 6E 27 74 20 6D 75 63 There isn't muc
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015720: 12 00 C2 02 00 00 00 02 12 00 C3 02 00 00 00 02 ................
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0192B0: 54 45 46 41 4E 20 61 6E 64 20 41 4E 44 52 45 2E TEFAN and ANDRE.
0192C0: 20 57 68 61 74 20 69 73 20 74 68 65 20 66 61 62 What is the fab
0192D0: 6C 65 64 20 73 65 76 65 6E 74 68 20 22 63 6F 64 led seventh "cod
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0192F0: 20 70 6C 65 61 73 65 0D 0A 74 65 6C 6C 20 6D 65 please..tell me
019300: 21 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E 57 56 4F 59 41 47 45 20 31 39 !....~WVOYAGE 19
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019320: 7E 57 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ~W--------------
019330: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 54 6F 20 66 69 ---------..To fi
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019360: 75 67 67 65 72 73 20 20 22 50 69 78 65 6C 69 73 uggers "Pixelis
019370: 65 64 20 20 56 65 63 74 6F 72 73 22 20 70 61 72 ed Vectors" par
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019390: 6F 6C 6C 2D 74 65 78 74 20 61 70 70 65 61 72 73 oll-text appears
0193A0: 2C 20 70 72 65 73 73 20 74 68 65 20 66 6F 6C 6C , press the foll
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0193C0: 6D 75 6C 74 61 6E 65 6F 75 73 6C 79 3A 0D 0A 0D multaneously:...
0193D0: 0A 3C 43 75 72 73 6F 72 20 6C 65 66 74 3E 20 3C .<Cursor left> <
0193E0: 53 50 41 43 45 3E 20 3C 45 4E 54 45 52 3E 20 3C SPACE> <ENTER> <
0193F0: 53 48 49 46 54 3E 20 3A 20 3B 20 5D 20 2E 20 2F SHIFT> : ; ] . /
019400: 20 5C 0D 0A 0D 0A 54 68 65 73 65 20 6B 65 79 73 \....These keys
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019420: 73 6F 20 74 68 65 20 20 6B 65 79 70 72 65 73 73 so the keypress
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019480: 20 20 70 72 6F 62 61 62 6C 79 20 20 64 6F 6E 27 probably don'
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0194F0: 2E 2E 2E 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E 57 4E 57 43 20 49 4E ........~WNWC IN
019500: 54 52 4F 20 62 79 20 53 6C 69 63 65 2F 44 53 0D TRO by Slice/DS.
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019520: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 41 20 20 76 65 72 --------..A ver
019530: 79 20 6F 6C 64 20 64 65 6D 6F 2C 20 62 75 74 20 y old demo, but
019540: 6F 6E 65 20 49 20 74 68 69 6E 6B 20 69 73 20 20 one I think is
019550: 76 65 72 79 20 67 6F 6F 64 2E 20 41 6E 79 77 61 very good. Anywa
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019570: 6E 20 43 50 43 36 31 32 38 2C 0D 0A 77 68 65 6E n CPC6128,..when
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019600: 20 73 68 6F 77 6E 2E 20 54 6F 20 73 65 65 20 74 shown. To see t
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019660: 0D 0A 57 68 65 6E 20 79 6F 75 20 61 72 65 20 70 ..When you are p
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0196B0: 29 2E 0D 0A 54 68 65 6E 2C 20 66 6F 72 20 73 6F )...Then, for so
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0196D0: 20 72 65 61 73 6F 6E 2C 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 reason, the fir
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019700: 7E 57 50 49 50 45 4D 41 4E 49 41 20 62 79 20 53 ~WPIPEMANIA by S
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019720: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
019730: 0D 0A 41 6C 6C 20 74 68 65 20 63 6F 64 65 73 20 ..All the codes
019740: 66 6F 72 20 74 68 69 73 20 66 72 61 6E 74 69 63 for this frantic
019750: 20 6E 6F 6E 2D 50 44 20 70 75 7A 7A 6C 65 72 2E non-PD puzzler.
019760: 0D 0A 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 35 3A 20 46 49 4E ....Level 5: FIN
019770: 45 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 39 3A 20 4E 45 57 53 E..Level 9: NEWS
019780: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 31 33 3A 20 46 41 49 4C ..Level 13: FAIL
019790: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 31 37 3A 20 53 41 49 4C ..Level 17: SAIL
0197A0: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 32 31 3A 20 45 52 49 43 ..Level 21: ERIC
0197B0: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 32 35 3A 20 54 41 50 45 ..Level 25: TAPE
0197C0: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 32 39 3A 20 53 4C 4F 57 ..Level 29: SLOW
0197D0: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 33 33 3A 20 41 43 48 45 ..Level 33: ACHE
0197E0: 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E 57 43 52 41 5A 59 20 43 4F 57 53 ....~WCRAZY COWS
0197F0: 20 62 79 20 53 6C 69 63 65 2F 44 53 0D 0A 7E 57 by Slice/DS..~W
019800: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
019810: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 54 6F 20 61 63 63 65 73 ------..To acces
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019830: 2C 20 74 79 70 65 20 66 36 20 66 34 20 66 32 20 , type f6 f4 f2
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019960: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 31 31 3A 20 41 52 54 59 ..Level 11: ARTY
019970: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 31 36 3A 20 46 4F 58 59 ..Level 16: FOXY
019980: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 32 31 3A 20 43 52 41 53 ..Level 21: CRAS
019990: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 32 36 3A 20 57 48 45 54 ..Level 26: WHET
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0199D0: 0D 0A 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 34 36 3A 20 45 4D 4D 41 ..Level 46: EMMA
0199E0: 0D 0A 0D 0A 7E 57 4D 49 43 52 4F 20 44 45 4D 4F ....~WMICRO DEMO
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019AC0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 0D 0A 41 52 43 41 ----------..ARCA
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019B30: 4C 65 76 65 6C 20 31 36 3A 20 53 54 41 54 45 0D Level 16: STATE.
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019D60: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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019E30: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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019F00: 7E 48 20 20 20 20 20 52 4F 55 54 45 50 4C 41 4E ~H ROUTEPLAN
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01C7F0: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
01C800: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
01C810: 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D 2D ----------------
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026110: 20 00 00 00 02 09 4E E5 20 00 C1 02 00 00 00 02 .....N. .......
026120: 20 00 C2 02 00 00 00 02 20 00 C3 02 00 00 00 02 ....... .......
026130: 20 00 C4 02 00 00 00 02 20 00 C5 02 00 00 00 02 ....... .......
026140: 20 00 C6 02 00 00 00 02 20 00 C7 02 00 00 00 02 ....... .......
026150: 20 00 C8 02 00 00 00 02 20 00 C9 02 00 00 00 02 ....... .......
026160: 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 ................
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02A1C0: E5 11 00 A2 E5 04 22 00 00 B3 22 22 33 E5 22 00 ......"...""3.".
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02F700: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F710: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F720: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F730: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F740: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F750: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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02F780: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F790: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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02F800: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F810: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
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02F850: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F860: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F870: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F880: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F890: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F8A0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F8B0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F8C0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F8D0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F8E0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
02F8F0: E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 E5 ................
RESULT OF SEARCH :
PRO=98 CHEA=9 COD=49 MUSI=31 COP=29 GRA=48 WRIT=49 198=0 199=29 STARTER=0 KBI=0 CAAV=0 L.TOURNIER=0
PRO=98 CHEA=9 COD=49 MUSI=31 COP=29 GRA=48 WRIT=49 198=0 199=29 STARTER=0 KBI=0 CAAV=0 L.TOURNIER=0
EXTENDED CPC DSK File SAMdisk100620( NDONUTMAG DONUTMAG1 'DONUTMAG1 DONUT
MAG1 w DONUTMAG1 $DONUTMAG1 DONUTMAG1 )!"#$%&DONUTMAG1 #'()*+DONUTMAG1 $,-./0DO
NUTMAG1 1234DONUTMAG1 5678DONUTMAG1 *9DONUTMAG2 /ABCDDONUTMAG2 8EFGHIJKDONUTMAG2
LMNODONUTMAG2 PQRSDONUTMAG2 GTUVWXYZDONUTMAG2 $aDONUTMAG2 bcdeDONUTMAG3 fDONUTM
AG4 VghijklmnopqDONUTMAG5 rstDONUTMAG6 4uvwxyzDONUTMAG7 TDONUTMAG8 DONUTMAG9 BDO
NUTMAGFTDONUTMAGHPDONUTMAGIXDONUTMAGITDONUTMAGSRE£DONUTMAGV DONUTMAGVW DONUTMAG
pss$6 , 6Z , 6 , 6 ,' DONUT MAG - STARTED ON 30/5/1995 MUSIC TAKEN OUT COMPL
ETELY ON 5/6/1995 B'COZ FOR SOME REASON THE ROUTINE COULDN'T COPE WITH A
SIMPLE MEMORY COPY ROUTINE AND UNKNOWN BUGS SLIPPED IN..... IF YOU WANNA
COMPLAIN, GO FUCK YOURSELF! DEBUGGING FINISHED ON 234730 5/6/1995 (EARLIER IF I'
D FOUND MY WATCH SOONER!)K( A DONUT SYSTEM PRODUCTION IN 1995 - COPYRIG
HT 1994/1995 DONUT SYSTEM2 DONUT MAG! INTROFP , , ,. , ,1 , , , , , "d
onutmag.int" , "donutmag.scr",tZ , "donutmag" "donutmag.scr", & B "donutmag
.fnt", T Vd , 0,9,18,22,1,2,11,23,3,6,15,24,26,10,0,0Zn C"" , ,( , ,
. , , , ,%x , (/) "SLICE presents" J+"A DONUT SYSTEM production" J"It
's great" J"It's new" J("It's 128Kb only, sorry" J"It's..." J9"It's... (sorry, s
light technical fault)" J"It's..." JC , C"" , G , OY , "donutmag.v
c" & "donutmag.viw"8 F col(E) col ,,",, , , , , , ," , , ,, , , ,6
J ac() ac ac , ac, cT , 6 , 6 , 6 , 6 , 6 , 6 , 6Z , 6 , 6 , 6 , 6 , 6 , 6 ,,
normal ld H EDITORIAL L EDITORIAL W
--------- Press (H) for help. Hi everybody! It's BSliceN from BDonut Sys
temN at the keyboard. Well, you may be thinking "What the hell is Slice doin
g with another discmag", so I'll explain. After the decision to quit Impact,
I gave most of the articles away to Digital Press and Tribal Mag (I was gonna
give some to SEX, but in the time between the decision to quit Impact and now
I recieved no reply from KOD and NRex. Later on, things were fine and dand
y, basically, apart from the fact that all of Malfunction's hard work coding ha
d gone to waste. However, today (technically yesterday) I recieved a reply
from Dreamer/TGS and CRT, and part of what he wrote was this (hope u don't
mind, Dreamer!) "..... I'm realy interested in it Impact! Why do you want
to stop it Because of bad code, or what Well, there have been really bad coded
mags but with good texts and they were great! So if there are good texts
in your mag (and I think so), just don't quit it!" Well, I felt that Drea
mer spoke the truth, thus motivating me to code another discmag. Luckily I h
adn't erased the old work disc of Impact #6, and all I had to do was draw new
gfx and tweak the code a little. In fact, I was itching to do another discma
g - just like crackers who couldn't rest until they crack a game, I couldn't
rest until I cracked a discmag. I think. This discmag will probably ha
ve the same code in further issues, maybe ASCII files will be crunched in f
uture. CRTC offered to write a crunching routine for Impact #6..... The fil
e viewer can cope with gfx, but this causes complete chaos, when music is playe
d from extra memory and is interrupt, like it was before. I hope for some gfx
in maybe the next ish. Also, the routine to view text is bugged. Sometimes l
ines go missing when you scroll and at the moment, a solution has not been
found, sob. Oh, this discmag is 128Kb only, sorry! It has to be like this,
unless you want long(er!) loading times every time you select an article...
.. you will also notice a lack of music. I don't see how the code rejecte
d the music like a person rejects his new heart... ahh, it was either no mus
ic or a delay of many months - guess which option I chose. I'm sure you rea
lise that I cannot write loads of stuff for other discmags now though, sniff.
Some of these articles are really old, the reviews one is about 5 months old
! Message 2 Malfunction Sorry about not using your super-duper intro, bu
t it seems a bit silly having the Impact logo on the screen, eh At the time
of writing, I haven't wrote or updated articles for this mag. I did intend to
finish this mag before I go to sleep but this isn't possible 'coz a) I didn't
get enough sleep yesterday b) I started work on the new mag at around 9pm c)
Time flys when you draw gfx Now the time is 014139 and I don't think it's pos
sible!!! Very very very very very large huge gigantic enormous collosa
l greets to everyone involved in the production of this discmag..... So, th
at's it before I reformat this article. Next issue out some time. Bye for now,
and have fun reading Donut Mag (or else!). Bye, BSlice/Donut System 020840 3
1/5/1995N W----------------CREDITS----------------- Editor Slice/Donut Sys
tem Code MC coding by Malfunction/The Firm BASIC coding by Slice/Donut
System Gfx All gfx by Slice/Donut System, except the nice background in th
e writing, which comes from Paradise Demo and the intro font, which is by
Tom Et Jerry of GPA Writers Slice/Donut System Malfunction/Th
e Firm Palm Coding Various unknown guys Thanx to these gu
ys for sending me articles Hypnomega
Juggler/POW! Malfunction/The Fi
rm Thanx to CRTC/Discovery for the copy of RoutePlanner - it's twiffic! Mo
ral support No one Music support Sepultura, Pantera, Clawfinger, Megadeth, Te
rrorvision W---------------COPYRIGHT---------------- Copyright bit Okay, t
he code is copyright 1994/1995 Slice/Donut System and Malfunction/The Firm
. Don't rip it or die! (Though the BASIC is annotated and thus easy to rip).
The articles are copyright of the person who wrote them. The articles written
by Slice/Donut System, however, can be used in the following discmags -
DIGITAL PRESS - TRIBAL MAG - SEX - Whatever discmag project Hypnomega is curr
ently involved in and the fanzines - EUROSTRAD Erm, that's the only one
. Don't overuse 'em, though! Donut Mag is Public Domain. Donut Mag is ozon
e friendly and is not tested on animals, nuclear reactors or demon mutant saus
ages from the planet Boofrelck. --------- Press (H) for help. Hi everyb
ody! It's e articles written by Slice/Donut System, however, can be used in
the following discmags - DIGITAL PRESS - TRIBAL MAG NH The fantastic
and marvellous L The fantastic and marvellous H world of (drum roll
)... lard! L world of (drum roll)... lard! W -------------------------
---- By BSlice/DS WWhat is lard W------------- Lard is the most useful
substance known to man. Lard is everywhere. Lard holds the key to life. Lar
d is what we breathe. Take a deep breath. Coff! Splutter! No, fool - inside!
The outside world is polluted - the lard is being destroyed by a whole host o
f 'orrid thing. Breathe deep - inside! Feel the lovelyness of lard waft up yo
ur nose. Double up with nausea and vomit. Doesn't it feel great Lard is
a mixture of nitrogen, oxygen and other life giving substances such as plut
onium and Zyclon B gas (that's what dust really is fact freaks!). WStorage of
lard W--------------- Store lard anywhere you like. Around you would help.
WConversations with lard W----------------------- Always address lard as "yo
ur grand high exalted overlord" otherwise it will remove your spine with a
cheese grater, some cheese wire, and a 2 by 4 plank with a nail through it
. WWhat to do if lard tries to harm you W-----------------------------------
- Dial 999 and ask for the serious lard squad, who will join in the fun. Cut
off your air supply. *CAUTION* - this will result in death. WHow to eat lard
W--------------- 1) Open your mouth 2) Inhale 3) Close your mouth 4) Chew
the lard 5) Swallow 6) Wash down with either some meths or sulphuric acid W
What to do when stuck wit tings 2 say W------------------------------------- F
inish the article. Bye! W------------------------------------ Dial 999 and as
k for the serious lard squad, who will join in the fun. Cut off your air supp
ly. *CAUTION* - this will result in death. WHow to eat lard W---------------
1) Open your mouth 2) Inhale 3) ClosH MISCELLANEOUS L
MISCELLANEOUS W ---+++***+++--- "The s
ection filled with turd for your common or garden herd
" Quote from "The book of C.R.U.D. poems" by Jackass Muir. Out of print
..... (thank God) Silly large article by Slice/DS W-----------------JOKES
------------------ 100% crap jokes, guaranteed! I've added "Of course" an
d phrases like that because they are also crap. I made all these shit jokes
up myself (to my shame). What do you call a hacker named Jack Jack the Rip
per, of course! What d'ya get if you cross a hyena with an oxo cube A laughi
ng stock! I say I say I say, what d'ya call an insect in space A lunar-tick!
(hoe hoe (sic)) What did Michael Jacksons cocaine say to him Why you wanna
trip on me! (alledgedly) There's a cabbage walking down the street, a
nd *kliklik* *bang!* *argh!* (doctors note Slice cannot be with us for th
e rest of this part, due to a bullet in the head. Normal service will be res
umed shortly, but for now some musak and a picture of some sheep (picture n
ot available on less than 513Kb RAM).) W-------------THE RIGHT WAY!----
--------- Each issue, Dr. Ed Exampaper (doctored exam paper, geddit) tells yo
u the right way of how to do something. Part one is THE RIGHT WAY TO PLAY THE
SPORT KNOWN AS KABADDI. a) Split up into two teams of around five. b) Giv
e yourself silly names such as "Kashmir State Bulls" (cows) or "Punjab Ai
rways Attack Squadron". c) Hand someone the ball, and shove him is a corner of
the small playing field. d) Tell five people to stand round him chanting the wo
rd "kabaddi" over and over again. e) If anyone chants "kabaddi" less than 1
00 times per second go to step f, otherwise proceed as usual to step k
. f) Lead the offending player out into the "stadium" entrance, pour petrol o
ver him and set fire to his head. g) Wait for 5-10 minutes or until golden
brown. Take person out of the oven and leave to cool on a cooling rack for
half an hour. h) Ignore step g. i) Pour a ton of sand onto the players head to
douse the fire and tell him that he has to chant "kabaddi" over 200 times
per second to stay in the match. j) If the previous offending player does not c
hant "kabaddi" over 200 times per second then send him off and proceed as n
ormal to step k. k) Tell player with ball to run to other side of playing fie
ld without being tag Nged by an opponent. l) If your player is tagged, o
pponents get a point. If player survives, your team gets a point. If opp
onent gets point, go to step m. If your team scores a point, go to step n.
m) Get close to an opposing team member, say "you were just lucky, punk" an
d remove his brian with an axe and some cheese wire. Go to step o. n) Gloat
like mad. Phrases to use are "The best beat the rest" "It t
akes skill" "Look at tha-at!" "Don't mess with the best until
you've taken the test" "Only the best survive" "Get down you l
osers!" "It's a pity you're shit, eh" And so on. o) Lob the ba
ll to the other team (but coat it in acid first). Repeat from step c/d unti
l one team scores 10 points or no opponents are left. If opposing team w
in, go to step p else repeat from step c/d. p) Evacuate the stadium, lock the o
pposing team into a cage in the middle of the stadium and drop the H-bomb on
them. P.S. We have been asked by the Non-Existent Kabaddi Association to poi
nt out the fact that most of the steps in the above are not actually used
in the game Kabaddi. Well, not all the time at least. W-----------BROW
N BREAD - DEAD----------- This story is not made with the MMPF DAF system. T
his story does not use the Real World Musi-Load System. This story is not based
on the Elevision Scroll And Sprite Driver V2. This story IS made with the Slic
e Make It Up As You Go Along (SMIUAYGO) system. Brown Bread was found lying d
ead in a pool of butter. Detective Inspector Mediumsliced Whiteloaf was
on the case. He then gave up - not even his bulk could close the suitcase
he was taking on his holiday! He clambered down to the floor and decided t
hat he either had to buy a bigger suitcase or pack less things. He was consid
ering taking all his very large and totally useless objects out of the suitcase
when the 'phone rang. "You rang, m'lord" asked Mediumsliced. "Oh yes I di
d!" replied the telephone. Mediumsliced picked up the reciever. "Hello big bo
y, lookin' for a good time" the reciever asked. Mediumsliced ignored her and as
ked "hello" The voice of Chief Of Police Thicksliced Wholemealbread crackled
at the other end of the telephone line. "Yeah (crackle), Thicksliced Wholem
ealbread here, I've got (crackle) case for you. (crackle crackle) been found
outside 555 Sex drive. We've got a (crackle) case on our hands." What Thic
ksliced really said was "Yeah, Thicksliced Wholemealbread here, I've got a dif
ficult case for you. Brown Breads body has been found outside 555 Sex Drive.
We've got a murder case on our hands". Mediumsliced didn't hear this, of cours
e. Mediumsliced put the reciever down. "Great! A new suitcase waiting for me
at 555 Sex Drive!" he thought excitedly, as he jumped into his Robin Reliant.
He was pretty annoyed when he found Brown Bread dead on the pavement.
He jumped nimbly over the rotting corpse to enter the house, where he presumed
that the case had been taken. As he entered the house he heard a noise. A
clanging sound. This wouldn't usually bother him, but it was 3am in the morn
ing! Mediumsliced was beginning to wish he was a brown loaf after he shat himse
lf. He was frozen on the spot, scared stiff. This was good for the evi
l arch villain Butter "Knife" McHealy, so named because he wielded a swit
chblade like no other butter-like gangster could. It was said that his switc
hblade was like a hot knife through butter when it did some wastin'. "You
k-k-killed Brown Bread" Mediumsliced managed to say after cacking himself one
more time. "Yes." "Where's my suitcase" "Up my arse, where do you think
" And with that, Butter gave Mediumsliced a shiny new suitcase to take home
and everyone lived happily ever after. W-----------ONCE UPON A *LIE*--------
---- It's new! It's great! It can be yours for just #1.99 (*)! It is, of cour
se, the BOOK OF LIES 2 avaible now from all good record shops (**). A marvello
us volume that will prove invaluable in the years to come (**). Your children
will love the false facts 'n' figures inside, such as - the combined age
of all the US presidents is 6. - If you re-arrange the letters in the name JO
HN DOE you can make the sentence "PORKY PIE COME HOME TO DADDY." - No one e
ver dies - they just shoot people. - Clint Eastwood is not a film star. - Sata
nic black metal bands do not have cheesy, sad names such as "born w Nith no
skull" or "taste the blood of eternal doom". - The supermarket trolley was inv
ented by Harold Scooter in 2003AD. - UBER DIE KRUEGER was a hit for the satanic
beat-group "CONDEMNED TO SLAVERY". - The battle of Waterloo was fought in a pu
blic toilets. - The battle of Hastings was fought in 22000010BC. So get the
fantastic I REVEAL THE SUPERMODEL SEX SECRETS out now from SHUBTILL PRODUCTS
(***). * This is a lie. The real price will only be revealed when you have b
ought the product and signed the amazing "no money back" guarantee. ** Th
is was a lie, too. *** And this one. W---------------BULL DICK------------
---- Bulldish (adj) bullshit Bullanything listed here (adj) bullshit BULL
------ DICtionary BULL ramp jack chunk plank drone clit cup clap klunk
chop wrap crunch funk snack hack knit wish clamp mat mart junk
hoof mark drench lunch view lock harm piss wipe drunk pulse honk s
tamp plonk throne drip rip ring horn nose pad knack fail fizz ch
ick chimp sheath shop drive weave dish disc trump run shack wheel coa
ch jock freeze tip pimp plum meat brew den split mount swap cake
grump grease And many, many more - all ready for everyday usa
ge. W-----------------POEMS------------------ "More shit poems from 11 t
o 12 year olds to keep you warm from the colds These 'uns are about ol
d people facing lonely Chrimbles and more lots in store for the whole fa
mily as we sit under the tree waiting for Santa to bring pressies fit fo
r a king So please enjoy the crappy show I know I did So I hope you wi
ll If you don't It's your problem I'm off home." By Zaza Weee! (aged 5
and three quarters) Lonely Christmas section - The Old Lady by Johnathon Bou
rne The sad and frail old lady sat in her old arm chair, she was slowly
sinking in the cushions, she just wished her husband was there for Christm
as to help her put up the Christmas tree and do the jobs around the house.
What an anti-climax! Charming! Teachers Terrific of Terrifying sectio
n - Mrs Carr by Sophie Green WMNrs Carr WRNeady to start her science class
, WSNecond lesson after mass. I( - Slice) WCNhildren assemble behind th
eir benches, WANlight I(Alight - Tom)N their bunsen burners, WRNeady to expe
riment. WRNemember children please be safe. All I can say is What a cro
ck. W-------THE DONUT MAG CREDIT CARD-------- GM credit card Fool off. Di
ners club Go away, you snivelling little oik. Video club card Rot in hell you s
ad no hoper. Barclaycard Get outta here, man. DONUT MAG credit card Hurrah! We
lcome aboard..... Yes! *Free* to all our readers is the DONUT MAG credit card
. The ultimate credit card. The credit card that gives you all this - 0% di
scount on all items for sale (books, clothes, toys, etc.). - 10% discount on an
y chocolate bar titled "DONUT MAG bar". - A crash course in Assembler if you ar
e over 600 years old! - A free black biro if you are a member for over 200 year
s. - A free three (or should that be three free) inch disc, coated in sulphur
on the inside for that extra crunchy disc bomb flavour (after 200 million yea
rs of joining) So, how do you join this wonderful group exclusive to th
e only discmag that counts (Donut Mag) Simply cut out the two tokens below, fil
l 'em in (preferably with a pen) and glue them together (try to avoid using
the non-sticky sticky stuff which sticks badly - have you ever tried makin
g a cardboard model with Pritt Stick (TM) I have (we ran out of UHU!)).
Side A DONUT MAG DONUT MAG
DONUT C R E D I T
C A R D MAG DONUT MAG DONU
T MAG P
Name (fill in) H
O T Y
our personal number (fill in) O
Side B DONUT MAG CREDIT CARD ISSUED 31/5/1995
N SIGNATURE
VALID UNTIL 1/6/1995 If I lo
se my card then I won't get a replacement. W------LETS PLAY R O A D B I
T C H------ W AN AMAZINGLY COOL GAME FOR TWO PLAYERS RoadBitch is the future
of dangerous sports/games. Two players are needed. One male, one female. The
female is the RoadBitch and the male is Der KuhlGuy. But just to ad an eleme
nt of fairness (!) the Der KuhlGuy rolls a one sided dice. If it lands then he
is the Der KuhlGuy. Then the pair go outside to a busy road, and Der KuhlGuy
has to try to chuck RoadBitch into the road to be squished by a car. He has 2
0 minutes to do so, and the two must be on the pavement at all times, or f
ace disqualification. If Der KuhlGuy succeeds then he must call an ambulance
to take the RoadBitch to hospital. If not, the RoadBitch must cut of Der Kuh
lGuys penis and throw it in the road. Then Der KuhlGuy must get his knob witho
ut getting run over. If he doesn't succeed and gets run over, the RoadBitch mus
t throw a celebration party. W---HOW TO WIN AT NOUGHTS AND CROSSES---- Nou
ghts And Crosses Otherwise known as Tic-Tac-Toe. A method developed by Sl
ice. THE METHOD For this method, you must go first (you are X in this exampl
e) Your move Now, the opponents move O O must
not be on a diagonal, like this
X X
O O But in one of O Say y
our opponent moved here the positions
shown here O
X O O X
O Your next move
X If your opponent has a X would be brain, they will try to
block a possible win by O X
moving to O X
O Si
mply move here, X X - here the "here"'s indicate where your and n
o matter which next move to win should be, way your opponent
depending on where they make blocks a possible O
X -- their next move. Hurrah! win, you've still won
O - her
e ---+++***+++--- "The sectio Simply mov
e here, X X - here the "here"'s indicate where your and no matter
which H 30 SIGNS THAT TECHNOLOGY L 30 SIGNS THAT
TECHNOLOGY H HAS TAKEN OVER YOUR LIFE L HAS TAKEN OVER YOUR LIF
E W ------------------------ I'd just like to thank BJuggler/POW!N fo
r sending me this article..... 1) Your stationary is more cluttered than Wa
rren Beattys address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addres
s for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across
the bredth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you h
ave conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead. 2
) You can no longer sit through an entire movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz. 3) You need to fill out a form that must b
e typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house
-- only computers with laser printers. 4) You think of the gadgets in your o
ffice as friends, but you forget to send your father a birthday card. 5)
NYou disdain people who use low baud rates. 6) When you go into a computer
store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you but
t in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the custo
mers questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his hea
d. 7) You use the phrase 'digital compression' in a conversation without th
inking how strange your mouth feels when you say it. 8) You constantly find
yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase 'digital compression'
. Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disapp
ointed that you don't have to explain it. 9) You know Bill Gates e-mail addre
ss, but you have to look up your own social security number. 10) You stop
saying 'phone number' and replace it with 'voice number', since we all know th
e majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk
to other contraptions. 11) You sign Christmas cards by putting -) next to yo
ur signature. 12) Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystro
ke symbols that are far more clever than -) 13) You back up your data ever
y day. 14) Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store
and you return with a rest for your mouse. 15) You think jokes about bein
g unable to program a vcr are stupid. 16) On vacation, you are reading a comp
uter manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading Joh
n Grisham novels. 17) The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music
rarely enters your mind. 18) You are able to argue persuasively taht Ross
Perots phrase 'electronic town hall' makes more sense than the term 'informat
ion superhighway', but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand
drawn pie charts. 19) You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of
the exhibit hall in advance, but you cannot give someone directions to your h
ouse without looking up the street names. 20) You would rather get more dots
per inch than miles per gallon. 21) You get upset when a person calls you
on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to
call and demand that you start pushing buttons on yourtelephone to receive more
information about the product it is selling. 22) You know without a dou
bt that disks come in five and a quarter and three and a half inch sizes. 23
) Al Gore strikes you as an 'intriguing' fellow. 24) You own a set of itty-bi
tty screwdrives and you actually know where they are. 25) While contempo
raries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse in
duced index finger strain with a nine year old. 26) You are so knowledgeable
about technology that you feel secure enough to say 'I don't know' when someone
asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make somethi
ng up. 27) You rotate your screen savers more often than your car tires. 2
8) You have a functioning home copier machine, but evey toaster you own turns
bread into charcoal. 29) You have ended friendships because of irreconcila
bley different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track
pad. 30) You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, te
chnology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go l
ie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop. H MACBETH DA
ULTIMATE NINJA L MACBETH DA ULTIMATE NINJA W ---------------------
---- By Slice/DS MACBETH, MACBETH DA ULTIMATE NINJA, MACDUFF THE SAMURAI C
HEF AND DUNKAN DONUTS ARE REGISTERED TRADEMARKS OF FREAKIN' A LTD. ACTION
FIGURES AVAILABLE FROM BAN-DAI (TM) 1) Fight scene. Macbeth in battle with Bu
LLFrik. MACBETH You will die evil scum! BULLFRIK Oh no ya don't! (MACBETH
sweeps BULLFRIK and breaks his neck) MACBETH That's what you get for messin'
with m Ne. 2) After the fight. MACBETH and BANQUO meet three street-fightin
' witches. 1ST WITCH I prophecise to you Macbeth, that you will become a homo
sexual. 2ND WITCH I want your babies, Banquo. 3RD WITCH You prick, you think y
ou're hard but you're a wimp. 2ND WITCH Take ya now! (BANQUO slain by witche
s.) MACBETH You fucking bitches, he was my friend. Hi-ya! 1ST WITCH (bewilde
red) Erm, hello to you, too. (slow motion. MACBETH executes a flying kick to
the neck of the 1ST WITCH. She slumps to the ground, dead.) MACBETH Who's
next (the two remaining witches shoot MACBETH in the back with a Plasma Canno
n (also avaiable from BAN-DAI (TM)) MACBETH Get down whores, I am immortal!
! (Suddenly MACBETH (DA ULTIMATE NINJA) dissapears. He reappears with MACDUFF
(THE SAMURAI CHEF)) 2ND WITCH A fight to the death!! (MACBETH produces s
huriken. MACDUFF produces a sharp knife and a RAP TOU kitchen helper (remember
the adverts)) MACDUFF Come on you bastard. MACBETH I think I've shit meself.
(MACBETH fakes an orgasm. MACDUFF eats the remaining witches. Duncan and
the others appear and have an orgy, where MACBETH porks Siward. Everyo
ne is friends) MACBETH The prophecy came true, I AM a homo. ARGHH! EVERYBO
DY ELSE Hahahahaha! (Drop the curtains (and drawers) for the first and last t
ime). F produces a sharp knife and a RAP TOU kitchen helper (remember the adve
rts)) MACDUFF Come on you bastard. MACBETH I thH MIKE BEHEMOTH - TAXIDERMI
ST EATER L MIKE BEHEMOTH - TAXIDERMIST EATER W ---------------------------
------ By Slice/DS - what a silly story! The name's Behemoth. Mike Behemot
h. I'm a dick. No, not BTHATN kind of dick. I'm a private eye, who specialises
in eating taxidermists. Why I'll tell ya..... I used ta own a fluffy white bu
nny rabbit name Goerge. Yes, that's right, Goerge - NOT George! Then one day th
is guy came into my office. Yeargh I was a dick then, too. Anyway, this guy
s he comes into my office. Tall guy, wiry () and he was wearing a suit with fl
uff all over it. Any, this guy flops into the guest chair and pulls out a m
agnum. He levelled the gun at my rabbit cage and fired three shots in quick s
uccession at Goerge! Then he ran off. There were no bullet wounds on Goerge,
she died of shock. I was heartbroken. Yeargh, I'll get that crazy sonovabitc
h one day. The next day I held a funeral for Goerge, just a select few wer
e there. Me, Goerge's fiancee, the mother of Goerge and the insurance salesman,
who was gonna pay out a hefty sum - to me! Oh, there was a solicitor, too. I
was in Goerge's will and I got $200 from her bank account. One slight probl
em - that mother o' Goerge, she says that I killed Goerge for the money. I to
ld her "bullshit!" and she said "don't swear in the pet cemetary". "Ok
ay," I told her. Later, I thought about the case so far. I had to clear my
name. That bitch had another dick tailing me everywhere and I knew it. Who was
the airhead who killed Goerge As I left my office in some apartment block to
visit Goerge's grave, I shot the dick who was tailing me in the leg. That'll
stop that asshole tailin' me. I quickly ran off as the man attracted attention.
When I went to the grave I discovered to my horror that Goerge's body had
been dug up! But there was also a clue. Aha! The asshole left a card. I read i
t "M. Adbastard, taxidermist to the stars. Call 1-800-STUFF". I racewalked
to the office. In my office I picked up my telephone to find out that i
t had turned into an oversized newt in my fingers. I quickly lobbed it in th
e air and drew my gun. *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!*. Before that newt hit the gr
ound it was riddled with bullets. Then I went to use the public telephone ou
tside, but before I stepped into it, the bloody thing went and imploded on me.
*BWAP!* - just like that. I never saw that call box again. This absence of
telephones was strange, mighty strange. I decided to use the one at reception
of my apartment block. Unfortunately it was reserved for emergencies, b
ut I'd do my best. Anyway, I casually walked up to reception and picked u
p the telephone. The dumb broad behind the counter said "soooooorry. Emerg
encies only" in some wank yank voice. "This IS an emergency!" I cried.
"Bullshit," she replied as she annoyingly (is there such a word) chewed on h
er bloody stick of gum. "Listen lady," I told her through gritted t Neeth
. "All the other telephones either implode or turn into giant newts. Let me us
e your telephone or I blow you away.". To show that I was serious, I whipped ou
t my weapon and levelled it with both arms at her brain. Unfortunately, levelli
ng the gun at her ass didn't seem to faze her, so I levelled it at her skull i
nstead. Okay, if I shot her the only thing that'd pour out is sawdust but what
the heck! "Are you threatenin' me" she asked, as she delved under her desk an
d produced a, erm, rocket launcher (rocket luncher). Fear. I was afraid. A d
umb broad pulls a rocket launcher on me, and I gotta escape. Fast. Maybe she
's not as dumb as she looks (and sounds). "Sorry, it's time for my launch,
er, I mean lunch break. Got to dash," I exclaimed, and I rushed through the
swivel doors of my apartment block. "Come back!" I heard her voice say. "It'
s only 10am!" Who cares I broke into an old ladies house and used her
phone. Then I spotted all the stuffed animals lining the walls of the house, a
nd I slowly put the gun down. Goerge was on the wall. Next to the sperm
whale, and just under another rabbit. I turned on the ol' lady. "Hey, wher
e'd the stuffed animals come from" I asked her. I heard a voice from behind
a chair. "My husband, he's a taxidermist," she replied. Bitch! Filled wit
h hatred, I broke her neck with the butt of my gun. Then I put her in the ov
en for 45 minutes. Tasty! After finishing my meal, the husband came in. He
was the bastard who killed Goerge, and he knew who I was. He started to run,
but I tackled him. I ate that asshole alive. Just when he was clinging onto l
ife, I pulled out my piece and cocked the trigger. "This one's for Goerge,"
I told him, and then the bullet blasted through his skull, splattering blood
and brains all over the wall. Case closed. Goerge's mother eventually b
elieved me, and I got the money in Goerge's will. I was never caught for my he
inous-but-justified acts of murder, which was good, obviously. I now specialis
e in taxidermist eating, because I like it. The end. he was clinging onto lif
e, I pulled out my piece and cocked the trigger. "This one's for Goerge," I
told him, and then the bullet blasted through his skull, splattering blood a
nd brains all over the wall. Case closed. Goerge's mother eventually bel
ieved me, and I got the money in Goerge's will. I was never caught for my hein
ous-but-justified acts of murder, whiH THE B(ORE) TEAM L
THE B(ORE) TEAM W --------------- By BSlice/DSN with thanx to BD
ynamo(ng) Some time in the Vietnam war a group of four crack troops were arr
ested for a crime they did commit. They were put in a maximum security group
4 prison but they escaped. They now work as mercenaries fighting to bring "
justice" back to the good ol' US of A. If you are in trouble, and if you can f
ind them, to put you into even more trouble - call the b(ore) team. (ak
akakakak! dadadadaa! dernernernerna! etc.) THE TEAM BMURDEROCKN Fancie
s himself as a witty crazy guy, but isn't. AGE 34 MENTAL
AGE 6 BHANNIBAL "THE CANNIBAL" SMITHN Leader and part time gigolo/film star.
AGE 42 MENTAL A
GE 9 BBORIS ARTICHOKE ABACUSN Black hard guy, who wears gold (without gold, h
is total value would be 0p)
AGE 31 MENTAL AGE unborn baby BFAECE MANN Thinks he'
s a romeo lover, but isn't. Drives around in a "flash" car. (Robin
Reliant, when it's in garage, drives around in go kart which BA bu
ilt for him out of lego) AGE 27 MENTAL AGE -999999999 (t
o the power of 99999999999) BA B FAECE MAN F MURDEROCK M HANNIBAL H N
STORY - "BA GETS A NAPPY CHANGE" SCENE 1 "gang hut". BA has cacked himself.
Murderock is playing the harmonica with his buttocks, Hannibal has picked up
a stick of dynamite which he thinks is a cigar, Faece Man is looking in the mi
rror. B Murderock you fool, change my diaper! M Piss off Boris, I'm busy try
ing to be funny. B Change it or I crack your head, fool! M Okay. (MURDEROCK
changes BA's nappy) H I love it when a plan comes together. (HANNIBAL lig
hts "cigar". FAECE MAN suddenly screams) F Oh no, I've got a spot! My girlfri
end will hate me! B Two mistakes. One, you ain't got no girlfriend, fool. And t
wo, that "spot" is yo head! Fool. (FAECE MAN shoots himself. Suddenly HAN
NIBAL's cigar blows up) B You fool, Hannibal! I oughta crack your head! M Ha
nnibal, come here! (MURDEROCK whispers to HANNIBAL) M Lets kill BA. H No,
he's my friend! (suddenly BA cracks HANNIBAL's head) M Your friend eh, Ha
nnibal (MURDEROCK shoots BA with a water pistol, BA is shot and he clutches h
is chest) B You got me! (BA falls over and dies. MURDEROCK shoots himself)
STORY - "A MYSTERY TO SOLVE" SCENE 1 At Aunt Fannys house. HANNIBAL h
as shot Timmy the dog. FAECE MAN is playing snap with MURDEROCK. BA is gettin
g drunk on some ginger beer. (suddenly HANNIBAL hears a noise. He runs out
of the room and returns with a letter in his hand.) B Gimme that, fool. H
No. (HANNIBAL opens letter and reads it) H Oh goody guys! Mummy says that
our house has been blown up by accident. We have to live with Aunt Fanny fo
rever! B Ah'll drink t'that! (BA knocks back the ginger beer) B Hic! I'll
break ya fuggin' winduz! (BA staggers out of the room) B I need go toilet
, Ah'm foolin' pisht! F Now we stay at Fannys house, we need to solve a mystery
. M I'm ask Joanna the cook if she has a mystery to solve! SCENE 2 The kitch
en of Kirren cottage. Joanna is talking to MURDEROCK. HANNIBAL and FAECE MAN ar
e standing there like lemons. M You got a mystery for us to solve, Joanna JO
ANNA Yes, where is my pen (HANNIBAL leaves room and re-enters, pen in hand)
H It's here! JOANNA Hannibal, you're great! H I love it when a plan comes t
ogether. M Lashings and lashings of Ginger Beer all round! F Hurrah for Hannib
al and that annoying git Timmy the dog that he wasted! (BA enters) B Hey H
annibal, Timmy's my dog! Did ya shoot 'im, fool H Yes. B Argh! (BA pukes al
l over Hannibal) B It musht have been summit I ate, fool. Next issue a d
rug baron is taken care of (by Hannibal) (nudge nudge wink wink say no more mu
m's the word etc.) BSlice/DSNwith thanx to BDyashings of Ginger Beer all round!
F Hurrah for Hannibal and that annoying git Timmy the dog that he wasted! (
BA enters) HThe adventures of Boris in Boredom land LThe adventures of Boris
in Boredom land W---/----------/--/-----/--/-------/---- By BSlice/DSN (thi
s could also appear in BBadMagN) --------------------------------------------
------------------------------------ WPART ONE - THE EGGWHISK Boris was Bo
redom lands resident adventurer. Only two months ago did he find the sacred Wan
kara stone and now another mission. The eggwhisk. The sacred eggwhisk of Bore
o. It had gone missing. And so had Boris's pay packet (he's a part time gigo
lo). He needed money to satisfy his gambling addiction. The eggwhisk. The e
ggwhisk of Boreo. It was his only hope. Boreo was the name given to the jungl
e of Boredom land. Six million square miles of hell. Inhabited by four hund
red and seventy tribes. Hell. Tribes. Hell. Tribes. Oh hell, lets get on with
it. Boris entered the whorehouse, where he was to get his mission b
riefing. Professor Tokenguy was there. Avoiding pornographic scenes I N
'll move swiftly on to..... the professors office type place in the Boredo
m land national musuem (Boredom land is a BIG country). The professor kno
cked back the meths. "Yooou have to find..." he exclaimed, before vomiting a
ll over an ancient relic. The professor held out the bottle of meths to Boris.
"You wan shum, eh" "No, I don't drink," Boris replied. "Then you die! *hi
c!*" the professor said, as he swung around, smashing the meths bottle into
Boris's cheek. "Woah!" Boris exclaimed, as he lost his balance and fell flat on
his rear. "I'll break ya fuggin' winduz! Ar bloargh!". The professor vomi
ted again before taking another swig of the meths. "You don't wan some meths W
hy Ya me besht mate, I'm gonna fuggin brain ya.....". His voice trailed off
as Boris dug the samurai sword into the professors back, killing him instantly.
"Dickhead," Boris muttered to himself, as he walked out. "All I know is th
at the sacred eggwhisk is the star prize for the winning tribe in the annu
al tribal games. Apparently it was stolen from the Sremal tribe by this guy, wh
at was his name Erm.....". Boris has cornered a guy in the street and dem
anded information. "Hurry up you shit for brains!" Boris told him. "Ah yes
, it was... *ah!!!!!*" The man fell over. "A bad guy named Ah Never heard of
him!" Boris thought, as he turned around to leave. "You ain't going nowhere!"
said a voice. Boris swivelled around to find a short black man wearing sun
glasses. In his left hand was a tablespoon. "What the hell are you on" Boris
asked. "Ah killed you friend jus' now, and ahm gonna kill you!" "Oh. For a
start, this nonce on the floor isn't my friend." "And what else" "I want
my mummy!" "Ya mummy ain't gonna save ya when I scoop yer brains out wit dis
spoon!" The black man held the spoon at an angle so that it glinted in the sun
light. "Who... who sent you" Boris asked, holding back the tears. "The bad
guy who stole the eggwhisk of Boreo, now shut up!" The black dude advanced
towards Boris. Suddenly the black guy lifted up the spoon, and smashed it ont
o Boris's head. "You ain't Egghead!" the black guy cried. "This isn't Batman,
this is The adventures of Boris in Boredom land." "Whoops! Wrong script!"
The black guy produced a chainsaw, but Boris ran off just in time to stay
alive. Boris was all set and ready to go. Seaplane. Toothpaste. Insect
repellant. Adventurers equipment. Hat. (Kinky) whip. Blow up doll. He boarded
the seaplane and started the motor. Boreo was 200 miles due North. Boris
was back in business. ----- Part 2 (REACHING THE SREMAL TRIBE) will b
e in issue 2 of the unexcelled discmag, Donut Mag..... Now follows a list of t
hings that IMPACT doesn't stand for (this is a really old story/article)....
Did you know that IMPACT is NOT an acronym of BINndian BMNartyrs BPNrattle BAN
t BCNhicken BTNurd Or BINntrepid BMNark BPNreserved BANpricots BCNurtly BTNoday
Or BIN BMNade BPNizza BANnd BCNhicken BTNikka Or BINnk BMNarks BPNop BANround
BCNrap BTNrees Or BINndo-china BMNade BPNretzels BANt BCNhester BTNoday Or BI
Nntelligent BMNangoes BPNlace BANpple BCNores on BTNable (okay, not really an
acronym, but who carez) Or BINt BMNarked BPNeters BANmazing BCNhic BTNrauma
IMPACT is Impact, not an acronym! Erm..... ventures of Boris in Boredom land
W---/----------/--/-----/--/-------/---- H The Day Santa Claus Came To Visit..
... L The Day Santa Claus Came To Visit..... W -------------------------------
------- A short story with a chilling edge jus' for Christmas..... Well, i
t was Christmas when I wrote it. By Slice/DS THE TIME 809pm (EST) 24th Dece
mber THE PLACE A kitchen in a house in suburbia (owned by the Head-Lock fam
ily), somewhere in the USA..... "Mommy mommy, I'm an a Nnnoying
American brat!" screamed the six year old named Martin. "I know, dear," repl
ied his "mom", Doris, as she prepared the Christmas pud (I had some pud but it
taste of crud - a snippet of a crap poem someone who will stay un-named wrote
). At this point the daughter of the household, Maryanne, walked in. Well
, she waddled in 'cos she was quite tubby. She was clad in the latest fashion
gear - one of them massive pink pyjama things in the shape of a fluffy pig. T
his little piggy was eight. "Mom, will Santa bring me the all new Beach B
itch Barbie complete with accessories this year" she asked. "An' will Santa Cl
aus bring me the Waller MEGA Blaster console this Christmas" piped up Martin.
"How the hell should I know!" said Doris. "I don't deliver the bloody
things". And with that she sent them to bed. Two hours later Doris and he
r husband Dunder Head-Lock (to give his full name) were wrapping up the coal th
ey were gonna give to their kids when the doorbell rang. Dunder got up and op
ened the door - to be greeted by Father Christmas himself - and a group of
elves! He was carrying a big sack and was dressed in the usual attire. "
Er, hello," said Dunder. He was amazed. "What do you want" "We will sprinkle
you with magical fairy dust!" exclaimed Santa, and he opened his hand and flung
some powder at Dunder. Dunder inhaled it and began acting strangely. Then
Santa spied Doris and flung some at her too. He had really thrown angel d
ust at them, and they had got high (hmm.....). Just to make sure that he coul
d raid the house in peace, Santa coshed the twosome over the head with his s
ack and tied them together with the wires from the Christmas tree lights (
resourceful or what). Santa then raided the house. He stole all their mo
ney. He stole the kids toys. He stole all the food from the kitchen.
He ate the chocolates on the Christmas tree. He even stole the coal! He then
bundled the television, video recorder, stereo system, MMPF DAF system (),
etc. into his sack and left. But why How do you think Santa Claus gets all
his toys How do you think he funds his operation How do you think he keeps h
is fire going How do you think he gets so fat Because every year he picks a ri
ch household to raid at random! The annoying Head-Lock family were the latest
in a long line of victims..... remember - if you are rich, watch out for a
fat git knocking on your door at Christmas eve. And keep a flamethrower han
dy! me To Visit..... L The Day Santa Claus Came To Visit..... W -------------
------------------------- his toys How do you think he funds his operation Ho
w do you think he keeps his fire going How do you think he gets so fat Because
every year he picks a rich household to raid at random! The annoying Head-Loc
k family were the latest in a long line of victims..... remember - if you a
re rich, watch out for a fat git knocking on your door at Christmas eve. An
d keepH SPOT THE SPOONMAKER L SPOT THE SPOONMAKER W
------------------- I(Thanx to HYPNOMEGA for sending me this article - Slice
) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
----- Hi Dudes! Thiz story i've found some-where on the CD of Ultima VIII. It
's pretty cool.... AppendiX Spot the Spoonmak
er by R. Corell Once upon a time, there wa
s a family of penguins that lived inside a meatlocker just outside of a gas st
ation, just outside of Waxahachie, Texas. Upon birth, each child was assigne
d a name and an occupation. Now, by the time the twenty-seventh son
was born, all the good penguin names like Quetzalcoatl and Wogoshoonberry w
ere taken and there really weren't any more occupations left in the meatlocker
. So, the twenty-seventh son was arbitrarily declared Spot the Spoonmaker.
Spot didn't realize that all of this was arbitrary and he set out Nto be the
very best spoonmaker he could be. All of the day and all of the night, Spot
would fervently craft his spoons and contemplate his occupation. But Spot was
soon consumed with nagging doubts. Were his spoons the best they could be We
re there other spoons in the world Other spoonmakers Was there more to life, th
e universe, and everything than the clammy interior of a moldy meatlocker He b
egan to wonder if there were a world outside the meatlocker, a world full of
not only spoons, but flatware of all kinds. Spot went to his father and said
, "Father..." and his father said, "Who the hell are you" and Spot said, "I am
your twenty-seventh son, Spot." "Spot Oh...uh...yeah, sure. I can't tell any
of you apart." "Father, as the family Spoonmaker, I would..." "Spoonmaker
What are you talking about Eh" He then wandered away, as he had no attention sp
an. But Spot was undaunted. He was a Spoonmaker. He was the best Spoonmaker
in the world. As far as he knew. So he gathered the family together and made
a bold announcement. "My family," said he, "I plan to journey to the world o
utside the meatlocker." There was a general panic. "Its dangerous out t
here!" they said. "There's nothing out there!" they said. His father spoke,
"Chinchinchikika, I don't..." "Spot, Dad, Spot." "Whatever. You can't go o
ut there, you'll get eaten by a walrus, just like your Uncle Bob!" "But
Uncle Bob is right over there in the corner." "Oh. I can't tell any of you ap
art. Still, its too dangerous." The rest of the family concurred with his sagac
ious advice, urging Spot to give up his foolish dream. But Spot was a make
r of Spoons. He heroically strode to the door of the meatlocker and th
rew it open. The meatlocker, as has been explained, was just outside of a ga
s station, just outside of Waxahachie, Texas, where it was one-hundred a
nd six degrees in the shade. The meatlocker was not in the shade and all the
penguins died of heat prostration except for Uncle Bob, who was eaten by
a walrus. The End HYPNOMEGA for solish
dream. But Spot was a maker of Spoons. He heroically strode to the d
oor of the meatlocker and threw it open. The meatlocker, as has been explain
ed, was just outside of a gas station, just outside of Waxahachie, Texas,
where it was one-hundred and six degrees in the shade. The meatlocker was n
ot in the shade and all the penguins died of heat prostH DEMO
TEZT L DEMO TEZT W -/-/-/-/- Hallo! It's Demo "
Tezt" time again. In this issue many demos (6 in total) get reviewed, howeve
r I've tried to keep 'em short because of disc space..... Unfortunately
since IMPACT #6 took so long to come out, some demos got old, so I had to erase
some old reviews. Some reviews also got killed by the shit PROTEXT DEMO with
SAVE/LOAD patch v3... WSCHADEL DEMON (FRANCE) Code OffseT Graphics Zik,
OffseT Music Zik Quite a new demo, this one. At the start you get a cool p
icture drawn by and the demo loads. Like Mage's Landscape Demo, this demo take
s a while to start up. First you get a plain white ghost writer in mode 1, an
d then rasters appear in the window where the ghostie is, a mode 0 logo appea
rs right at the top of the screen. Later, a skull and a QUASAR CPC logo appear
s. A "schwabbler" appears so the skull wobbles and a load of rasters appear.
.... yes, well. While this is happening, a nice tune plays away in the backgro
und..... a nice part. 82% WWOMEN AND DRAGONS DEMON (GERMANY) Code Siggy, D
oc Bartoc Graphics Siggy Music Siggy W&D is a rather weird demo. Released
at the Megablasters party, for those who are interested (anyone). It basicall
y consists of gfx and animation. There are a number of p N arts, som
e are just pictures, there's a vector gfx part (zzz), the excellent Dance Of
Magic Woman, brilliant magnifying glass part and some animation, includi
ng the rather dubious picture of a, erm, shackled nun. At the end there is a s
crolling message part. There is some spooky music in some parts. The gfx are ve
ry nice. Perhaps the biggest problem is that once you select a part, to ret
urn to the menu you have to wait until the part ends. Don't get it if you are
offended by pictures of scntily clad women..... 87% WFUSION DEMON (GERMA
NY) Code Collapse, Dreamer, etc. Graphics Dreamer, etc. Music Pooh This is
a meeting demo, where the groups TGS and CREATORS merged to form the group
called, erm, TGS and CREATORS (imaginative name!). When you start the demo,
there is a nice part by Collapse which pretends to be a PC. Then you get a r
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally cool part where a penguin explodes!! After that i
s the main part - a logo, a star scroll background, a nice ghost writer and
a brilliant tune written by Pooh (). But what to give this demo A CD playe
r No, a rating instead. Hmm, 83%, I think. WCHILLN (ENGLAND) Code Sphere
Graphics Fonts from font packs and stuff. Music A new and small demo, which
is your average scroll, music and logo demo, except with a pre-calculated rot
ating AC (Atlantic Coding) logo. It's nice, basically. 62% is what I think it
should have..... WMAGE'S "BEST" DEMO (FRANCE) Code Mage Graphics Font sto
len from Unknown part of Nashua demo, the rest by Made Music Joy Hey! This d
emo is HAPPYWARE! If you like it and watch it, you have to send Mage a postcar
d! This demo was released on the Freedelire meeting. First the demo starts
with a MAGE intro screen, akin to the one seen in the BARTHY PARTY demo,
where you can tell the demo what CRTC you have so it works on your machine. The
n the show begins - the overscanned screen is split into two first, a large e
ffects windows and a smaller but still big window which contains the scroll.
At the start of the demo, the cool music kicks in, a plasma effect appears in
the effects window and the scroll appears. Then it turns into a sinus scroll an
d later a new effect on CPC appears - I won't say any more! Later in the effe
cts window, a colourful picture by Made appears and a great but indescribable r
aster effect, which is also new to the CPC, appears. In short this demo is one
of the best in 1995. 90% WFREEDELIRE MEETING DEMO (FRANCE) Code Chany, Ep
silon, One Graphics Rainbird, Chany, One Music Epsilon, Barthy Strnge for a
meeting demo - it's really good. The demo starts off with a screen telling yo
u who did what in the demo. Then a real funky pic appears, which says "Freedel
ire Meeting", which you get every time a part loads. First, Epsilon's part a
ppears. It contains many colour splits, and some weird effects. Secondly, the
Shade Bobs part appears - a mindbendingly cool effect, it's a pity that the th
ing erases itself..... next, the outstanding ZOOM part. The CPC zooms in and
out of a picture of a Japanese girl and the writing FREEDELIRE, while scrolling
about. Some cool music plays here. Next up, a part by Chany called FUCK EPSILO
N. This part contains some nice parallax effects, and two scroll texts. Overall
for the demo 92% T L DEMO TEZT W -/-/-/-/- H
allo! It's Demo "Tezt" time again. In thrt appears - a mindbendingly cool effe
ct, it's a pity that the thing erases itself..... next, the outstanding ZOOM
part. The CPC zooms in and out of a picture of a Japanese girl and the writing
FREEDELIRE, while scrolling about. Some cool music play NH A NEW
S LEVEL L A NEWS LEVEL W ---- In other words th
is is the news section, by Slice/DS W-------WHEN A GROUP IS BORN BALD--------
Sometime in March, a new group was born - DONUT SYSTEM, and now it's mem
bers are BoGGer! Swapper, graphist Maniac Coder, cracker, swapper, graphist
Rob Sparrow PD librarian, swapper Slice Discmag editor, leader (unless someo
ne wants to try to overthrow me), swapper, crap coder. Forthcomi
ng productions include THE ULTIMATE DIGI COLLECTION 3, CLASH WITH REALITY
, THE ESSENTIAL DIGITRAKKER SELECTION 2, the plus slideshow FLEA FART IN A HUR
RICANE and more! W------------THY DOOM IS NIGH------------ The end of an e
ra... after going from okay to good to excellent to shit, Amstrad Action is to
be disconnected from it's life support machine after issue 118... No long obi
tuary here, dudes. Seeya. W---------------MILK TRAY---------------- Jonty
(AKA The Ghoul!) of PD Encounters is starting up a fanzine titled After Dark
. It's priced at #1.50 for a 30-40 A4 size fanz with a fucking 3.5" cover di
sc. Ah. I wonder how many people own a 3.5" drive. I wonder how many people
own a side switch. The mag is supposed to fucking cater for all
computers/consoles, so a friggin' 3.5" Amstrad coverdisc isn't going to be ve
ry good, is it Think again, Jonty. Anyhow, it's out every 6 weeks, it's mo
stly a watchdog fanzine and for more information write to Jonty, 41 Westmor
land Avenue, Newbiggin By-The-Sea, Northumberland NE64 6RN or phone (0670) 85
5486. There could be a review in this very issue. Hey Jonty! I know you're
very touchy, the above comments are the raw arguments of the letter I wrote
you before..... W-------FOOL YOU, AMSTRAD ACTION!-------- Didja see AA109
Didja Didja I quote from the contents page "David Crookes gives you the firs
t review... I(of BTL - Slice)N". I recieved my copy of AA109 on 15/10/94. I re
viewed BTL #1 in IMPACT #5, released early September. I think I was first wi
th the review (out of me and AA, anyway). Hahahaha! Fuck you, Amstrad Ac
tion! F*CK YOU! W------------UNDERCOVER WORK------------- I know this info
is late (this issue took a lot of time to produce) but Joe Moulding of th
e acclaimed PD library Sleepwalker PDS has taken over the fanzine CPC UNDERCOV
ER from David Crookes (I'm sure I've heard that name before somewhere.
....) and issue 7 was produced using his PC (spit!) in October (review this iss
ue, I hope!) Because of this, Joe has been forced to quit Sleepwalker PDS, ap
parently. Yikes! Is this the reason that Palm Coding hasn't replied lately Ho h
um..... The whole Sleepwalker PDS range is currently residing at Penguin PD
, I'm told. So write to Penguin PD software, 62 Nursey Road, Knaphill, Wokin
g, Surrey GU21 2NW W---------------SZENE NEWS--------------- Fresh from EU
ROSTRAD #5 - thanx to TOM-POUCE of POW! for letting me rip some articles an
d stuff from this cool mag! - Some news about the world of demos Premier M
egademo will be finished quite soon. According to Choas I(the group producting
the megademo - Slice)N, it will be great! This team (Chaos) is working on a m
egademo which will contain the first vertical rasters running even on CRTC 2!
POW! (my team) is working too on a megademo (I will make a part, the worst of
all because I cannot code everything on CPC.....) - Micro Mag & Press Fire
I(discfanzine - Slice)N is dead! It is because Force One has left CPC scene to
join the Amiga world I(scum! More like Farce One - Slice)N. In fear of steal
ing too much from this cool mag, I'll finish here! The following scene news is
not taken from EUROSTRAD #5, but is by me. - Only For Your Eyes 2 megademo is
out! But I haven't seen it. - Power System megademo is out! It's on two disx
apparently. Eek. - Mage released his Best demo, and very good it is too.
- The fantastic Freedelire Meeting demo was released a short time ago, it
contains parts from One/Mortel, Epsilon/Power System and Chany/NPS, so read t
he demo tezt for a review...! - Hage of Wizcat (German CPC group) has
a new game in production, titled KARATIAN. It boasts a) Large sprites b)
4 player action c) Very fast d) Not much CRTC 1 compatability (on the preview
version) e) Sprites ripped from International Karate + f) A "logo" ripped from
BARBARIAN - Collapse/TGS and CRT just released his ART OF FANTASY 1 and Ni
t loox very good, reviewed in this issue, so read the review! News from HYPN
OMEGA (rephrased by me!)... - Some guys plugged a CD-ROM-drive into the CPC
and there wil be a CD with CPC- soft out soon (no joke). - Zilog released th
e follower of the Z80, the Z380, which is a 32-bit CPU that is downwardly com
patible to the Z80... Okay, the rest of the news comes from MALFUNCTION of
THE FIRM, but I rephrased it. - BadMag 3 will be coded by Malfunction of T
he Firm 'coz Crown's done a runner with his source-codes..... it should be
amazingly excellent. Most of the articles deal with sex, and there's not mu
ch CPC stuff to it. Ah. - TIC of insert group names here!, Pawn and Keith Woo
ds have left CPC..... - CPC FOREVER #2 will not be released. And that's ab
out it..... more, er, news when I get it..... W--------FRIGHT TIME - UFO SCAR
E--------- This is the true story of Gripin Lead, a man with bad eyesight.
He says "I was on the motorway at night - it was pitch black, right T
hen I saw these white lights in groups of two moving past me an' lines of ye
llow lights and I knew they were UFO's an' I was the only one on the motor
way an' I was shit- scared an'.....". Well, that's enough - don't wanna
frighten the junior readers of Donut Mag! LEVEL W ---- I
n other words this is the news section, b This is the true story of Gripin Lead
, a man with bad eyesight. He says "I was on the motorway at night - it wa
s pitcH DISCZINE SCENE L DISCZINE SCENE W
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/ Do you want your discmag reviewed Send me a copy and I
'll do the rest! #10 ensures that I give you 100%..... "Fuck you and your co
llege dream!" (erm, yes.) W-----------ART OF FANTASY #1------------ Editor
Collapse/TGS and CRT Language German Price PD Sides 2 Apparently, this di
scmag took over a year and a half to arrive on the scene. But is it any good
Erm, read the review..... When you run the discmag, you are greeted by a si
mple intro, made effective by its cool gfx. After that there's a mini menu, wh
ere you can either run the mag, watch the preview of Dreamer's new game, Myr
ia, or read some meeting reports from two TGS/CRT meetings (Meating meeting
and Missing Members meeting (next meeting title suggestion follows Maniacal
Mindwarping Mystery of Missing Myria meeting). The other two things don't real
ly concern us, the mag does. So, you load the mag... Another intro appears
, this intro is the only part of the mag that's written in MC. It's quite nice
, and has cool sound and gfx, with a little ghostwriter at the bottom of the
screen. You lightly tap the SPACE bar (do you) and the mag loads (properly, t
his time!). You get a menu with cool gfx. Selecting catagories from this menu s
ometimes lead to sub menus. Each catagory has different music, by the way.
Now, seeing as the articles are in a language called German, it's hard for a no
n German understanding person like myself to read the mag!! However, the mag d
oes seem to contain stuff about role-playing games, fantasy books, etc. There
also seems to be some stuff about ESCOM buying out Commodore and that kinda
stuff, but why in a CPC mag Probably because TGS members are coding versions o
f AoF on PC and Amiga... Well, the articles scroll quite fast for a BAS
IC text viewer, and so the presentation is pretty good, although rather "bar
e", but the articles make a mag what it is, not the code (though for some rea
son, people seem to write for the discmags with the best code, not the best
articles - strange, huh) and only people who understand German can read it, so
I cannot give it a mark. Hum. Write English articles for this mag! W-------
-----DIGITAL PRESS #1------------ Editors The Villian, The Dangerous Woodman
(both HJT!) Language German, English Price PD Sides 1 Not as new as AoF, t
his, but still pretty new (that's if you class late 94/early 95 as pretty new).
.... When you load this mag, no intro, just the menu. There are only two tune
s in the mag (whaddya mean, only two There's none in this mag - annoyed rea
der), the menu and the file viewer. Once you select an article, the articl
e is loaded (oooh!). The font is multi coloured, and you can change the colour
s. At the top of the screen is a small mode 1 window, a la X-Treme, wh
ere the text is displayed. Underneath that is a "DIGITAL PRESS" logo, with a
picture displayed Non both sides of this logo. Each article has a diff
erent picture (clowns, fractals, unicorns.....). Underneath that are some ho
rrible and large raster equalizors, reminding me of the old NWC demo Thanx
Dizzy (just think of the diagonal scroll). The small text window can be q
uite annoying at times how about a larger window with a mode split so the text
is in mode 2 I fucked your girlfriend last night, apparently (what the...).
As far as articles go, two are fully English. There are some English bits dotte
d around various articles. The English articles are one asking you to wr
ite English articles (I've wrote a bit) and the Cheese Shop sketch from Monty P
ython which is funny but quite long-winded. So, there you have it. Not much
English, but what is there is pretty good. Can I give it a mark No. Oh, I'm sor
ry okay The presentation is okay, better than AoF in some ways but not in othe
rs. It seems like the editors have cool tastes in music though!! ---------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
My soul for a g
oat..... Shouldn't zis be in the short stories section One night, Mr. Seep
in threw a massive party. EVERYBODY within a two mile radius was there,
with the exception of Derek Anorak and the beer drinkers down at the North At
lantic Drift bar. However, he overlooked the fact that he had a job interview
the next day (for the position of Head Watch Watcher at Lethargic Research, i
nc.) at 7am. Only at 3am did he realise, and by then he was too intoxicat
ed to notice..... Mr. Seepin awoke with a start and fumbled for his watch on
his bedside table. Only when he opened his eyes did he realise that he wasn
't in his bed, he was lying on top of his freezer. He heaved himself up and
staggered along to the toilet, trying his best to avoid the partygoers lyin
g on the floor, who were either asleep or in a drunken stupor. After missin
g the bowl and urinating down his trouser leg, he fell into the kitchen. Aft
er picking himself up with the aid of a kitchen unit, he opened a drawer and
bundled three co-codamol tablets (strong painkillers) into his mouth. After fo
aming at the mouth, he needed to find out what the time was precisely, using
his special watch, or risk being turned down for the job he wanted. He went r
ound the whole of the house, but 'twas to no avail. He saw someone who had f
allen asleep by the upstairs toilet - probably unconcious from the unflush
ed toilet fumes, choked and died on his own vomit, or fell asleep. The latte
r seemed more feasable. There was life in this creature, too. JaPi had had a
rough night at Mr. Seepin's place, eventually falling asleep after a loooo
ng vomiting session.He was awoke abruptly when Mr. Seepin kept on shaking him
in an attempt to wake him. I tell you now, this did his headache no good.
"Do you know where my watch is", Mr. Seepin asked. "'Ave ya checked thu bags
under ya eyes" replied JaPi. "I'm not in the mood for jokes". "I fink I mi
ght 'ave 'ate it," JaPi groaned. "'Tis prob'ly in thu bog". Mr. Seepin checke
d the toilet. Indeed, the watch was there (TM). It worked perfectly. Luckil
y the time was 060226193953, giving Mr. Seepin more than enough time to get r
eady for the interview ahead. Unfortunately, Mr. Seepin had only had about 2 a
nd a half hours of sleep. Because of this, he was very tired, and the spare so
fa bed looked very inviting, dispite the fact that that were three people o
n it already. When he awoke, the time was 114627535613. However, he had g
ot the dates mixed up, the interview was next week, and so he made a note of
it. He got the job. Slice listened to the Pantera cover version of Planet Car
avan. It was cool. The end. -/-/-/-/-/-/-/ Do you want your d
iscmag reviewedH PD SCENE L PD SCENE W
-------- Ah hell! Yup, tis PD SCENE time again, where PD software is
reviewed. So I'll dispense with the pleasantries and tumble into the reviews..
... W----------------REVIEWS----------------- Well, I haven't recieved muc
h new stuff that isn't discmags or demos so I'll really gonna have to dig i
nto my memory (scoop!) for softs to review..... ah! How about some utilities
WS-DAF EXPANDER By BAntoineN of B NPOW!N (1992-1994) This seems to be t
he latest incarnation of the MMPF DAF system. What the thing does is links
files together and crunches them, if you want them to be crunched. Say you had
two files, one at &1000 and one at &8000. The files could be liked with no me
mory space wasted (great!) and they can also be crunched using BCheese BCrunch
erN (another utility from Antoine of POW!) as well. There is oodles of opt
ions, but I wont go into detail. This great crunching system was used for c
runching programs such as Force Ones Amiga Pack demo and the crunched version
crack of OCP Advanced Art Studio (er, so I'm told). A nifty little tool, thoug
h hard to use for beginners.....! OVERALL 86% WGHOUL'S WRITER By BTom Et
JerryN of BGPAN (1994) Though you may not think it when you catalogue th
e disc, this tool is really easy to use. It creates letters on computer lik
e Ghost Writer, but this one gives you the opportunity to create or import gfx
and music into your intro. You can also choose a screen clearing effect and
a background animation. Once you find out what file to load at the start, it's
easy. OVERALL 92% WBATTLE OF ROME By BDreadnoughtN of BPOW!N (1995) T
his is a strategy game, which, although called Battle Of Rome, isn't set in
Rome. Hmm. It's for two players, who control a group of armies who have t
o battle in out - whoever gets all their armies wiped out first, loses. There
are 20 levels to choose from, although you need the password that's obtained
from the previous level (a bit of hacking can get around this, the prog's in
BASIC). You can also define your own levels..... at first the game loox s
hit - you start off with four armies each. But it gets better from then on, as
your amount of armies increases and the addictiveness is increased tenfold.
It's simple, but addictive..... OVERALL 91% W------------VITAL ADDRESSES
------------- BEPDC, LA HAMELINIERE, 50450 HAMBYE, FRANCE Check out the EPDC
article elsewhere is this mag. BKING ARTHURS DOMAIN PD, BRYPTON COTTAGE, BR
UNSWICK ROAD, WORTHING, WEST SUSSEX, BBN11 3NQ The latest incarnation of th
e Scull PD library. Because of this, a large majority of the software is o
ld, but worth checking out. BROBOT PD, 2 TRENT ROAD, OAKHAM, RUTLAND, LE15 6H
F Okay, so it only stocks it's own progs, but it's a real cool library. BR.S
.P.D., 40 DEE COURT, HOBBAYNE ROAD, HANWELL, LONDON, W7 3RQ A pretty good libra
ry - around 100 sides. 20p per side. Send SSAE for a stock list. W-------
-- (BOG) ROLL OF HONOUR --------- Megabig thanx to the following guys who sup
plied the PD reviewed above BAntoine of POW! BJuggler of POW! BTom Et Jerry
of GPA ENE time again, wbut worth checking out. BROBOT PD, 2 TRENT ROAD,
OAKHAM, RUTLAND, LE15 6HF Okay, so it only stocks it's own progs, but it's a re
al cool library. BR.S.P.D., 40 DEE COURT, HOBBAYNE ROAD, HANWELL, LONDON, W7
3RQ A pretty good library - around 100 siH ZINE SCENE L
ZINE SCENE W -/-/-/-/-/ Do you want your discmag reviewe
d Send me a copy and I'll do the rest! #10 ensures that I give you 100%...
.. Reviewed in zis ish B8BIT #6 W----------------8BIT #6---------------
-- EDITOR Brian Watson PRICE #1.25 (5 first class stamps) FROM Harrowden,
39 High Street, Sutton-in-the-isle, Ely, Cambs., CB6 2RA, England
WREVIEW W------ BACKGROUND A multi-format mag, catering for all 8 bit machin
es, though it has a slight leaning towards Amstrad machines. There isn't much f
or the C64 though. PRESENTATION Huey! Erm, yes. It seems that Brian has us
ed a refill cartridge for his ink-jet, because some of the text looks horri
ble. The majority looks nice, and the printed (as opposed to photocopied) pa
ges look really nice. The paper the mag is printed on is of excellent quality,
the supplement pages are of normal quality, however. There are 16 pages (4
A3 sheets) N of the actual mag, and 5 A4 supplement sheets. The mag is n
ot collated like in earlier issues, though. Advertisments litter the mag, af
ter all, the mag was originally called 8BIT MART, a mag with mostly advertism
ents in it..... PRESENTATION RATING 2% (only joking, 82% really) CONTENTS
Ignoring the actual mag itself, there is 5 supplement sheets - 2 pages are the
so called "comic supplement" which is faintly amusing, but it doesn't really
deserve 4 sides. Then there's a magazine page, telling you of all the fanz
ines/magazines available for various 8 bit machines, but no discmags for so
me reason (and hey, where's Eurostrad of the rest of the myriad of French
zines!). The magazine COMMODORE CRACKER sounds interesting! Then finally there
is 2 pages of small ads, which are continued in the mag itself. The mag itsel
f contains an editorial (I can't believe that people were so gullible to b
elieve the issue 5 April fool!), coverage of other computers, which doesn't con
cern us, a review of Amstrad User #7 (which I would have reviewed, but I kil
led it for much needed disc space), where, for about the 26th time in his lif
e, Malfunction's name is spelt wrong (hi Malclom!)... unfortunately Brian never
selected the print icon, which is just as well seeing as it isn't imp
lemented yet (AU #7 out since around Christmas, apparently - and they say t
hat this is a "preview version", when you've paid good money for it - gah!)...
a RoutePlanner review, an article on home publishing (which caters for al
l computers) and more. Around 2 pages of the 16 is devoted fully to the C
PC, excluding the adverts and small ads. Around 5 and a half pages concern no f
ormat in particular, which (excluding adverts) leaves 7 and a half pages con
cerning CPC users, combined with adverts for CPC gear that leaves about 10 a
nd a half pages, excluding supplements..... that's quite a lot of the mag! T
he articles are well written and more humourous than in previous issues - t
his can only be a good thing. CONTENTS RATING Oooh, 88% WOVERALL Hmmm, I t
hink 84% will do.the CPC, excluding the adverts and small ads. Around 5 and a h
alf pages concern no format in particular, which (excluding adverts) leaves 7
and a half pages concerning CPC users, combined with adverts for CPC gear t
hat leaves about 10 and a half pages, excluding supplements..... that's quite
a lot of the mag! The articles are well written and more humourous than i
nH REVIEWS L REVIEWS W -------
They're back. To haunt you forever. The invasion of the mega reviews. THRE
E games go under the spotlight today, and I'm your host, BSlice/DSN (plus sp
ecial guest appearance by BPalm CodingN). The plucky three are BMEGABLASTE
RS BFOOTBALL MANAGER WORLD CUP EDITIONN (review by BPalm CodingN) BPOPEYE
2 Actually, there were more, but disc space is decreasing... W------------
--MEGABLASTERS-------------- FROM Radical Software - GAME TYPE Lay bombs a
nd kill things - Disc only Address Brympton Cottage, Brunswick Road, Wo
rthing, Sussex BN11 3NQ Tel (0903) 206739 Cod
e Odiesoft/HJT Gfx Odiesoft/HJT and Rex/DENG! and SEX Music Kangaroo Musique/T
GS and CRT and Crittersoap/HJT It's out. It's pretty new. It's one of the
longest-awaited games it all time. It's WMEGABLASTERS!! Yes, well. I was ant
icipating it as well, I was sent a copy of the MEGABLASTERS DEMO (hi Antoine!)
which contained the first world, Rookie. It whetted my appetite for the
full version and I was very annoyed to find out that side 1 was corrupt. After
exploding I picked up the telephone and dialed the number of the old Radical
HQ. A fortnight passed. I went back to school after the Christmas holidaze.
I at least wanted to get some foolin' days of non-stop Megablastin' in, but
no. BIN had to wait until the first week of school was over to recieve Nmy b
lasted new copy of the game. I shoved side 1 into the drive and catalogued it.
It wasn't corrupt. Hurrah! Megablasters (I don't care if it's really ca
lled MegaBlasters, MegaBlasters looks shit) is a rather big game, so big that
it comes on 2 discs. That's four sides, numbered 0-3. I placed side 0 into the
drive and ran the damn thing. BIN THE BEGINNING..... I was suprised to find
out that there was no large intro, a la ZTB. Instead, an Odiesoft logo formed
on the screen while a famous tune by Strauss (not Bach (hi Juggler) and not L
evi either, in case there's any fashion victims out there...!) played away. Des
pite the simplicity, it was really stunning! After waiting for the tune to en
d, the menu was loaded..... The menu, which is in overscan, contains some n
ice gfx in the background, and you can do all sorts of things such as reset
high scores, define keys, enter passwords, etc. A bouncy tune blasts from yo
ur CPC speaker, and it sounds quite good. After setting anything up, you get to
view the story..... The story is good fun to read, and contains some nice
incidental pictures. The story runs like this (condensed version) Bart has t
o look after two twins in his family who have powers to rule the world, b'coz h
is mum and dad have gone to the village to buy some groceries. Then Bart's f
riend Bob enters and asks if Bart wants to go to the fair. They organise a nur
se to look after the baby twins while they are gone, but the nurse turns out to
be the evil sorceror Cobron, who kidnaps the babies!! Bob and Bart (or Bart in
a one player game) are going on a rescue mission..... After zis, the overs
canned map screen is displayed. The map is really great! It contains the stand
ard CPC colours but by some colour mixin', a nice effect is achieved. The pi
cture shows a forest, a volcano, a village, etc. and of course our heroes (or
hero in a one player game) hovering over the world they are about to enter...
BTHE GAME The game is split into 11 worlds, including the rookie and sec
ret worlds. Each of these worlds has it's own bad guys, own gfx style and own s
oundtrack. Each of these worlds is also split into 7 levels, including the
boss level and the secret level. Each level is a maze, to put it bluntly,
policed by various bad guys. The maze is made up of 3 things empty spaces, ind
estructable blocks and blocks that can be blown up. When these blocks blow up
, they leave behind various goodies for our heroes, such as extra bombs, longe
r bomb range, extra lives and letters of the word BONUS. If you collect all t
hese (one in each of the 5 "proper" levels) then before you fight the boss you
also go to a bonus level to collect various power ups to help you defeat the
forhcoming attraction, the boss of the world. The bad guys range from extrem
ely slow guys who take only one bomb blast to waste to extremely fast crocod
ile-types who take lotsa time to kill. One of the best worlds includes evil ey
es who have magnetic powers. The secret levels are really great, and most o
r all are based on classic CPC games - Pacman, Fruity Frank, etc. One proble
m of the game is that some later levels are really easy compared to earlier ha
rder levels. Well, once you finish the game, the ending is quite nice, Od
iesoft told me that he actually drew the pic himself, cool eh Well, the game
is really good, one of the best on the CPC..... BTHE FOUR-PLAYER MODE On th
e menu you can also select the 4 player mode, which was released ages ago int
o PD. Surely you've seen it before! Strangely enough, in this mode you can g
et really bad so-called "power ups" which are more of a hindrance than a help,
these "power ups" aren't implemented in the proper game. This is really goo
d fun, although if you have lotsa players (like in most 2 of more player game
s), you inevitably end up controlling the other player(s) for a few seconds.
WRATING - MEGABLASTERS GRAPHICS - 92% The gfx are very good..... SOUND -
91% .....and so is the sound fx PLAYABILITY - 92% As addictive as large doses
of heroin (er, so I'm told) LASTABILITY - 86% Quite easy on EASY mode, bloody
hard on DIFFICULT! O V E R A L L - 90% W--FOOTBALL MANAGER
(WORLD CUP EDITION)-- FROM Addictive - GAME TYPE I wonder
Let's get this straight - people manage to play this without smashing out
all the little plastic keys I mean, I'm all for management simulations (I
wrote Musicbiz, didn't I N) but for a commercial full-price game, it's a
rip-off. Right, now I've got that out of the way. I'd better justify m
y opinions, though (in case someone actually likes Football Manager, and for s
ome reason, a lot of people do). There's no actual management decisions to
be made. In fact, no money is involved! The only options are where to pl
ace each player, what passes he can make, and what type of action he should
do (thru-play, sweeper, wing, and find space). Oh, and you can try to
boost the morale of the team, by telling the commentator that your team
is gonna thrash the pants off the opposition (like when you're 10-0 down alre
ady). But the team are a right load of sissies... you tell them to do their be
st or something, and their morale goes down! The graphics are pretty bad,
and matches are completely boring. Watch for about 10 minutes while p
layers mill around the screen (their football skills make you cringe) and if
you're lucky you might score (but probably not). The two teams are the same
colours every match, thus eliminating any sense of individuality amongst diff
erent teams. Oh well. Good points a) There are lots of teams to choose from.
b) You can always make a cup of tea while the match is bein
g played. And if you're a bit slow to catch on, I don't pa
rticularly like this game. WRATING - FOOTBALL MANAGER W. C. EDITION GRAPH
ICS - 15% Dire SOUND - 00% Is there any PLAYABILITY - 15% Bulldish LASTABI
LITY - 16% Bullclamp O V E R A L L - 15% W----------------POP
EYE 2---------------- FROM Alternative - GAME TYPE Platfo
rm Popeye 2 is a platform game where you, playing Popeye, must waste your
arch- enemy Bluto (named Brutus in the inlay card for some reason) to save O
live Oyl (your babe (!)) from his evil clutches. Original, huh This game is
set over four levels, those levels being a) Building site b) Biff spinach
factory c) Jungle d) Shipyard This game is a flick screen jobby, where the
action starts at ze bottom of the screen, and Popeye has to get up to the top
in one piece. All you really have to do is avoid life-threatening objects, but
the playing field is very small so it gets pretty hard! You can collect spina
ch and have fun beat 'em up sections with the goons. There isn't really much t
o say but it's pretty well presented and worth erm, "obtaining" - if you can
handle the frustration! WRATING - POPEYE 2 GRAPHICS - 78% Not excellent,
but does the job. SOUND - 61% Fx and title tune (which buggers up at the end)
. PLAYABILITY 79% Frustrating, not for beginners..... LASTABILITY 83% But yo
u'll come back to it until it's completed, then you'll neve
r touch it again. O V E R A L L - 81% forever. The ioons. Th
ere isn't really much to say but it's pretty well presented and worth erm,
"obtaining" - if you can handle the frusH CHEATING SCUM! L
CHEATING SCUM! W -------------- All these cheats are origi
nals, no shit ripped from old computer mags/other 'zines here. This article
cannot be reprinted anywhere else! WASTRO MARINE CORPS by Slice/DS W--------
---------------------- The code for part 2 is DAGOBAH. WMEGABLASTERS DEMO by
Slice/DS W----------------------------- To find the secret level get to leve
l 5 and go to co-ordinates 16,13 (across, down). This will be part of the wall
. When you are in the secret level you have no bombs (!) and have to find the
key to escape. WMEGABLASTERS by Slice/DS W------------------------ All da
world codes..... World 1 Village people IUHIAVLX World 2 Great plains SYYMC
XLC World 3 Forest of delusion CHCMIILF World 4 Bog of eternal stench SKRJKQWJ
World 5 City lights DDWIEGGG World 6 Frosty feet JPXAKHXR World 7 Cavemania
MJTVNLWH World 8 Volcano of doom AMKVQRHP World 9 Dark castle FTSXEDTW Secr
et levels..... (some co-ordinates may be wrong) Rookie Level 5, co-ordinates
16,13 (across, down) World 1 Level 2, co-ordinates 19,8 World 2 Level 3, co-or
dinates 19,10 World 3 Level 2, co-ordinates 5,6 World 4 Level 3, co-ordinates
19,2 World 5 Level 1, co-ordinates 16,13 World 6 Level 4, co-ordinates 19,6 W
orld 7 Level 4, co-ordinates 19,6 World 8 Level 1, co-ordinates 19,2 World 9 L
evel 3, co-ordinates 6,13 Secret world (Castle In The Clouds) Level 5, co-ordin
ates 10,13 Oth Ner bits..... Access to the secret world World 6, BONUS le
vel, co-ordinates 19,7 For a secret music menu, type MUSIC on the menu screen
For infinite lives, type JENNY on the menu screen To get the secret weapon, go
up Cobron's cloak If any co-ordinates are wrong, sorry. WWORM SLICKERS by
Slice/DS W------------------------- Type MAIC on the title screen. The ot
her "codes" are FACEHUGGER, JOACHIM, BJOERN, STEFAN and ANDRE. What is the fa
bled seventh "code" If you know, please tell me! WVOYAGE 1993 by Slice/DS W
----------------------- To find the cheat screen of Face Huggers "Pixelised
Vectors" part, when the scroll-text appears, press the following of keys simu
ltaneously Cursor left SPACE ENTER SHIFT . / These keys are positioned
so the keypress is easy to execute (just flop your hand over the keys). So
me of these keys probably don't need to be pressed, by the way. Now sit back
and enjoy the wonderful Amiga converted picture..... WNWC INTRO by Slice/DS
W--------------------- A very old demo, but one I think is very good. Anyway
, I find that on CPC6128, when you run the file "NWCINTRO.128", the first part
of the demo is skipped (you see it for a split-second) and the second part is
shown. To see the first part, load (not run!) the file "NWCINTRO.128" and type
CALL &200 When you are prompted to smash a key, quickly press a key (I use
the space bar). Then, for some unexplainable reason, the first part will not b
e skipped. WPIPEMANIA by Slice/DS W--------------------- All the codes for
this frantic non-PD puzzler. Level 5 FINE Level 9 NEWS Level 13 FAIL Level
17 SAIL Level 21 ERIC Level 25 TAPE Level 29 SLOW Level 33 ACHE WCRAZY C
OWS by Slice/DS W---------------------- To access the cheat mode, type f6 f4 f
2 f0 then reduce the number of cows moving to none (by pressing the left curso
r). Then type f6 f4 f2 and f0 again to see and hear the cheat part! WLOOPZ
by Slice/DS W----------------- Yet another non-PD puzzler, and yet another ba
tch of codes (for game type C) Level 6 EASY Level 11 ARTY Level 16 FOXY Le
vel 21 CRAS Level 26 WHET Level 31 POLL Level 36 ZUIS Level 41 VEST Level 4
6 EMMA WMICRO DEMO by Slice/DS W---------------------- Nice demo, with a ch
eat message that can be activated by simultaneously pressing the following keys
TAB CAPS LOCK S WSPOTS 1994 by Slice/DS W---------------------- ARCADE
mode, all da codes..... Level 4 FLUTE Level 7 CLEAN Level 10 BETTY Level 1
3 TIRED Level 16 STATE Level 19 THEME Level 22 TOKYO Level 25 MARIO Level 2
8 AMREP Level 31 SOUND WFUSION DEMO by Slice/DS W----------------------- O
n the penguin part, type in IDDQD and the message DEGREELESS MODE ON will
appear. Then you can control the penguins movements using the left and righ
t cursor keys! WMAELSTROM DEMO by Slice/DS W-------------------------- Yes
, I know I wrote it. Type DISH on the intro part and wait. s,H ROUTEPLANNER
V1.0 - THE REVIEW L ROUTEPLANNER V1.0 - THE REVIEW W ----------------
-------------- By Slice/DS... can you believe it I originally intended this
to be a small mag a la CPC TELEGRAMM, but I found lots of articles... So now
I haven't finished all de articles (but zis iz da last article I start from s
cratch) and I've only 9Kb left to play around with, because I don't want the
disc to flow over onto side two, but maybe it will..... continuing... I reciev
ed a copy of RoutePlanner from Richard Fairhurst about 2 months ago, but
until now it hasn't been reviewed. So here comes the review RoutePlanner
is available from either Sentinel Software, 41 Enmore Gardens, East Sheen, Lo
ndon, SW14 8RF (price ) O.J. Software, 273 Mossy Lea Road, Wrightington, N
r. Wigan, Lancs, WN6 9RN (price #19.95) Radical Software, Brympton Frottag
e (erm, I mean cottage (as in cottaging)), Brunwick Road, Wothing, West Suss
ex, BN11 3NQ (price #19.95) ... N .. . Ahem, RoutePlanner is a program th
at calculates the fastest/shortest route from anywhere in Great Britain to any
where in Great Britain, basically. When you load the prog, a little menu appe
ars. Now, because of the sheer size of the program, one area of Great Britain
has to be missed out - either Wales, South West England or the Scottish
Highlands. This won't really affect the program much. After all, if you we
nt on a trip from Wales to the Scottish Highlands you wouldn't end up in S
outh West England, unless Stevie Wonder was at the wheel, and then you'd crash
after about 10 metres..... Erm, yes. Once the data is loaded, there are oodle
s of things that you can do. You can select places to avoid, calculate fastest
or shortest routes, print out an itinerary, zoom in on sections of the map, ch
ange driving speeds on different roads, etc. But now here's some statistix T
ravelling at FAST speed (that's 60MPH on an A road)..... STOKE-ON-TRENT to NE
WCASTLE-UNDER-LYME (2 miles, according to RoutePlanner) 000200 (hhmmss) STOKE
-ON-TRENT to CAISTER-ON-SEA (191M) 030845 Travelling at STANDARD speed (that'
s 50MPH on an A road)..... S-O-T to N-U-L (2M) 000215 S-O-T to C-O-N (191M)
034415 Finally, at SLOW speed (that's 45MPH on an A road)..... S-O-T to N-
U-L (2M) 000230 S-O-T to C-O-N (191M) 040800 You can change the speed settin
gs to suit you, and save out this kind of stuff to disc. There's a nice fe
ature called DISPLAY, which shows an itinerery, like this S-O-T
A50 002915 A516 JUNCTION A516 000830 A38 JUNCTION A38
000300 etc. You can set this up so it will display ALL data, i
ncluding miles and accumulative time. This can be printed, so you can get a p
rintout to refer to on your journey to seek the holy grail. I did test Lands
End to John O'Groats (and before anybody suggests that I've ripped off 8BI
T, I haven't, I did the test a few weeks before I reviewed 8BIT #6), and, to
the nearest minute, it took 28 minutes. The fastest time was 14 hours and
37 minutes, a journey of 833 miles. Aggh! Well, it's make your mind up time.
.... there are a few nice touches, and an outline of Great Britain on the
map would be handy, but it'll do the job. A rating It's a very good progra
m for what it actually does and could prove invaluable for some people. I'
ll give it, oooh..... 91%. REVIEW W ------------------------------ By
Slice/H WRITE AN ARTICLE NOW L WRITE AN ARTICLE NOW W
-------------------- There is something wrong with me There is something
wrong with you There is nothing left of us There is one thing YOU can do Wr
ite an article or three for DONUT MAG. If you don't then who will I need h
elp in producing this mag, otherwise it will die... just like IMPACT... sob.
The articles can be about anything you like, there are no rules and n
o censorship!! You can also send me articles from Internet newsgroups and t
hat kind of stuff..... You can send articles on either Paper (please no!)
3" disc (DATA format) 3.5" disc (single-sided, either DATA, ROMDOS or MS-DOS
(DOS-Copy) format) They have to be pure ASCII or Protext DOCuments, sorry.
.... all disx will be returned (honest guv). Send articles to DONUT MAG,
53 HIGH LANE, BURSLEM, S-O-T, STAFFS, ST6 7DF, ENGLAND H DONUT M
AG CHARTS L DONUT MAG CHARTS W ---------------- It'
s those charts again! The voting form will go first, followed by the results o
f last issues charts. But how many people wrote in and expressed their
opinions Wait and see..... to vote, just send me your nominations! Also
nominations for other catagories to the usual address..... You do not have
to answer all the questions. Voting is anonymous. You can print this out i
f you wa Nnt to..... Megabig thanx to the guys who actually bothered to vote
. You CAN vote for yourself or your own productions, and some people did.
These charts are not fixed, in case anybody wants to know. The voting system
works like so..... the number to the left of the name/text, etc. is the amou
nt of people who voted that in. The charts are in alphabetical order. ----
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
W BEST Best game programmer Best demo programmer B
est utility programmer Best sound guy (or muzik guy, or musaxx guy, or mews
axkz guy, etc) Best mode 1 graphist Best mode 0 graphist Best PD
library Fastest swapper Best swapper Coolest guy Best group
Best discmag Best fanzine Best commercial game Best PD game
Best commercial utility Best PD utility Best commercial adventure
Best PD adventure Best mini software house (ie STS, Sentinel Software
) Industry guru () (ie guy who's contributed most to ze scene) Best ex
ternal item of hardware (ie nothing built-in!) Most comprehensive chart in
a fanzine/discmag W WORST Lamest PD library Lamest
group Worst discmag Lamest fanzine Lamest guy Worst utility
Worst game Worst demo Most childish scener Lamest external i
tem of hardware Lamest commercial adventure Lamest PD adventure -
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE RESULTS Best game programmer
Best demo programmer 4) EGS/GCS 6) Face
Hugger/MOPS 3) Odiesoft/HJT 1 N) Gozeur/Contrast 2) R
ob Buckley/Radical Software 1) Longshot/Logon System
1) Overflow/Logon System Best utility programmer
Best sound guy 4) Crown/BENG! 3) Kangaroo Musiqu
e/TGS 3) Antoine/POW! 3) Weee!/Cadjo Clan 1) The Execut
ioner/STS 1) Fefesse/Malibu Crackers
1) San Sebastian/Impulz Best mode 1 graphist B
est mode 0 graphist 2) Rex/BENG! 3) Made/SymbiosiS an
d Rebels 1) Made/SymbiosiS and Rebels 2) Rex/BENG! 1) Pixel/Conspira
cy 1) Marco Vieth () 1) Whoever did Picture Gallery slides
1) Steve/Wizcat 1) Wild Thang/Discovery and STS 1) Wulf/STS Best PD l
ibrary Fastest swapper 2) Eurostrad Public Domain Catalo
gue 3) Jonty/AD 1) Demon PD 3) Slice/DS 1) Disk P
D 2) Hypnomega 1) King Arthurs Domain PD
1) KOD/POW! 1) Robot PD 1) Maniac/DS 1) RSPD 1)
Sheepsoft Coolest guy Best group 1) BoGGer!/DS
2) Logon System 1) Hypnomega
1) BENG! 1) Jonty/AD 1) Bugs 1) Keanu Reeves (hmm..
...) 1) HJT 1) Longshot/Logon System 1) POW! 1) News
wave 1) Rebels 1) Simon Walker
1) SymbiosiS 1) Thriller/Cadjo Clan Best discmag
Best fanzine 3) SEX 3) Eurostrad 2) Badmag
2) Artificial Intelligence 2) Better Than Life
1) After Dark 1) CPC Challenge 1) CPC Forev
er 1) Rundschlag/Overkill Best commer
cial game Best PD game 5) Prehistorik 2
2) Crazy Snake 3) Fluff 2) Croco Magneto 2) Meg
ablasters 2) Jumpmania 1) Bards Tale
1) Crystal Mission 1) BAT 1) Power Tetris
1) Zap 'T' Balls 1) Spots '94 Best commercial utility
Best PD utility 2) Maxam 5) Disc
'O' Magic 2) Nirvana 1) Crown Cruncher 2) Protext
1) DOS-Copy 1) DES
1) Fanfold FX 1) Master Save 1) Soundhakker Pro 1) Ro
utePlanner 1) Xexor Best commercial adventure Best PD adventure
2) Lurking Horror 3) Eve Of Shadows 1) BAT
1) Hitchhikers Guide To London 1) Colour Of Magic
1) Rouge Midget 1) Ingrid's Back 1) Tir Na Nog Best mini software
house Industry guru 6) Radical Software 3) CR
TC/Discovery 1) Sentinel Software 2) Hangman/STS 1) STS
1) EGS/GCS Best external item of hardware
Most comprehensive chart in a 'zine 3) Multiface 2 2)
Impact (well, DM now) 2) 3.5" drive 1) SEX (coming soo
n) 1) 5.25" drive 1) Printer 1) Simon Matthews Deluxe Turbo Special ROM B
oard Lamest PD library Lamest group 3) Power PD
2) Chaos 2) K-OS PD 1) BENG! 1
) Amsof PD 1) Denis PD 1) Robot PD 1) The Vault Worst discmag
Lamest fanzine 1) Another World 2) Lamers In
ternational 1) Badmag 1) CPC Now! 1) Joke Mag
1) Kraft 1) MEGA 1) Rund
Schlag 1) SEX Lamest guy Worst utility 2) Richa
rd Wild/Power PD 1) Amiga disc copier 1) James Hockney
1) Any Amstrad Action type-in 1) JFMC/Chaos
1) Disc 1) Knutschfleck/HJT 1) Discophotorythmics 1) Nige
l/Eastenders () 1) JL-Copy 1) TIC/BENG!
1) Multiscreener 1) Printer utilities
Worst game Worst demo 1) Any Amsoft games
1) All of them 1) Any Text Adventure 1) Crappy de
mo 1) Into Oblivion N 1) Hi-Tech 1st Preview 1) Jim Pow
er 1) Krakin' Karen demo 1) Las Vegas Video Poker
1) Paradise demo 1) Pit Fighter 1) Space Gli
der 1) Roland games 1) The Ultra Crap BASIC demo 1) Str
eet Rally 1) Voyage 1993 1) The Galactic Plague
1) Worldwide Crap Most childish scener Lamest exter
nal item of hardware 2) CRTC/Discovery 1) Amdrum 2) JFMC/
Chaos 1) Digiblaster 1) James Hockney
1) DMP2160 printer 1) Hackit
1) Real Time Clock
1) Widget Lamest commercial adventure Lamest PD adve
nture 1) Anna (I think) 1) 12 Lost Souls 1) Nythyhell
1) Conch 1) The Mystery Of Indus Valley 1) Eve O
f Shadows 1) I've Been There And Back
1) Lorvals Quest
1) Spiro Legacy 1) Widget Lamest commerci
al adventure Lamest PD adventure 1) Anna (I think)
1) 12 Lost Souls 1) Nythyhell 1) Conch 1) The My
stery Of Indus Valley 1) Eve Of Shadows H FIREARMS L
FIREARMS W -------- By Frances M. Lussier, stol
en by Slice/DS from INFORMATION FINDER, a CD-ROM encyclopaedia on my school'
s network. BFIREARMN is any weapon that uses gunpowder to fire a bullet or sh
ell. Generally, the term is used for light firearms, such as rifles, shotguns,
and pistols. They are often called small arms. Heavier firearms are general
ly referred to as artillery. BMECHANISMN Any firearm, large or small, has
four essential parts (1) barrel, (2) chamber, (3) breech mechanism, and (4)
firing mechanism. The barrel is a long tube. It may be smooth, as in a sho
tgun, or with spiral grooves on the inner surface, as in a rifle. The cham
ber is a widened hole at the breech (rear) end of the barrel. It holds the
cartridge (explosive charge). The breech mechanism closes the rear end of
the barrel, holding the cartridge in the chamber. Every up-to-date firear
m has some way by which the breech can be opened for loading and locked for saf
ety in firing. Artillery uses screw plugs or breechblocks. Machine guns,
rifles, and other small arms usually have a metal cylinder, or bolt, that is
locked when the gun is fired, and drawn back to eject (force out) the empty ca
rtridge case and to reload. The firing mechanism may be electric, as in some
large artillery pieces. In small arms, a spring drives a pointed firing pi
n through the breech bolt against a sensitive primer in the cartridge. The fir
ing pin is cocked (drawn back) against a hook called the sear. When the tr
igger is pulled, the sear releases the firing pin, which in turn leaps forwa
rd to strike the primer. A jet of flame from the primer ignites the rest of the
powder, forming a gas. This explosive gas propels the bullet from the barre
l. BHISTORYN Europeans first learned of gunpowder in the 1200's. By the 1300'
s, they discovered that it could be used to propel an object with great force.
Firearms as we know them were then developed. The first firearms were cannons,
but people soon developed firearms that they could carry. The invention of
firearms led to great changes in warfare. Bullets could penetrate armor
. Castles were very difficult to capture before people learned to make powerful
, accurate cannons that could destroy castle walls. Soldiers used pistols, bl
underbusses, and muskets. They had to load their hand-held firearms from the
muzzle, and found these weapons heavy and clumsy. But, clumsy as they were, t
hey revolutionized warfare. The rifle, invented about 1500, had spiral groove
s in the barrel that made it more accurate than any previous firearm. Smokel
ess powder was developed in the 1800's. Breechloading systems replaced d
angerous muzzle loading. Many improvements since have resulted in high-po
wered firearms. pistols, blunderbusses, and muskets. They had to load their h
and-held firearms from the muzzle, and found these weapons heav NH SLAN
DER, DEATH AND MAYHEM L SLANDER, DEATH AND MAYHEM W --------------
----------- This was originally in Zine Scene. It is also very old, but con
tains some nice arguments. It's an attack on AMSTRAD TRACTION, which will app
arently die after issue 118. REVIEW Amstrad Action #110 (November 1994- but
it seems to be fortnightly now) EDITOR Tim Norris SIZE A4 magazine (or should
that read meargezine) PRICE #2.95 FROM Your local newsagent WREVIEW W-----
- BAKGROWND This iz the leeding (and now only) Amstrad newsstand magazeen.
It has been going for ova 9 yeerz (I think) and haz had many editorz. Why the
bad speelin in thiz reveiw Becoz the latest AA haz real bad spelin (perhaps
they canot aford a speelcheker n-e-mor!) LAYOWT There is 24 fuckin pages wh
ich are flimseyer than a fanzine payge becoz the mag only haz 15,168 reederz (
Jul '93 - Jan '94 figuz - perhaps they canot aford to be a member of the Or
dit Buuro ov Circulashuns (ABC) now too!). While the mag iz a tad more colorfu
l than a fanzine, most fanzines ar lade owt beter. Okay, so perhapz the print
kwolitee iz beter, but look at CPC Forever (lade owt on PC!) and other fanzi
nes an yoo will orlso see xcelent print kwality! Altogether some payges
look gud, otherz look shit. LAYOWT RAYTIN 59% (wiv there profeshunal equp
munt it shood look much beter) KONTENT There are letuz at the start ov the
issue, which hav been cut down so much it is unbeleiveabel. Did yoo see BLOOD B
OYL in IMAPCT #5 Where I sed their wood be a kut-down vershun of the article
in AA soon Yeh Wel, the leter I sent them wozz'nt az kut down az thiz. The
way they frazed it (and spelt many things wrong in thier anser az wel az my
leter) mayd me look like a compleet an uter idee-ot. Thoiz reely pised me of, a
nd motivated me 2 write thiz reveiw. The amseen direktory is a large pile of
excrement (Tim Noriz in ova words). The reeder ads ar a crok ov shit and onl
ee inklude "for sayl" an "wonted". The tekky forum an' the examineer (advench
ore kolum) ar the bezt articuls, ritten by freelancers (Richard Fairhurst a
nd Debby Howard rezpeckivly). KONTENT RAYTIN 56% (for yoor muney its a bl
udee rip-ov) KUVERTAYP Yez yez yez..... AA ackchurly haz a kuvertayp! It cont
ayns Crazy Cars 3 (67% - AA69), a ChaRleyTraCker player an a crap "STSREMI
X" tune (tho kool musak kan be mayd with ChaRleyTraCker) and a lump ov shit ka
led "Amstard Aciton Daylee dyry" (wel, not speelt rong but yoo get wot eye me
en). The kuvertayp is shit - perhaps they kud improov the mag by scrappin thiz
junk. KUVERTAYP RAYIN 32% (duzn't hold yoor intrest) O V E R A L L R
A Y T I N 42% Wot wunce woz a grate mag iz now a heep ov shit (ay rip-ov
!). Yoo ar beter of getin ay fanzeen (a PD discmag iz best coz you pay noth
ing and get moor text (ushally) - theer iz no such thing az a fully PD fanzeen
(except Eurostrad where yoo don't evun pay for fotocopying (from Thomas Fourn
erie anyway))). The upsyd abowt thiz issue of AA is that the Furtha Reeding f
anzeen section wozn't there (which my leter to AA woz writen, becoz of a totaly
unfare an uterly wank reveiw of IMAPCT). STOP PRESS Amstard Action #111
(666) is out, containing the following stupidity - In Further Reading, the Ge
rman discmag Tribal Mag (from the POW! group) was reviewed. 50% is what it
got. He said "non-German speakers will find the value for money aspect a bit
low.". I don't think so Dave, considering the fact that Tribal Mag is Public
Domain (and very good to boot). Anyway, Juggler of POW! is the editor of T
M&MM, not Batman of POW! - On the PD section, screenshots are taken from Str
ing Viewer, including two occurences of the word "fucked" in rather large l
etters. Will anyone notice - PD on the covertape, something they said they wo
uld not do. 90% shit PD on da covertape, for me and you. - A review of Megab
lasters which is a page long (with loads of screenshots which are about as go
od as CPC Attack! shots). - Other stuff zat I cannot be bothered to list. Th
e article by Simon Forrester about what people want for Christmas is pretty
good, however. But it wastes LOADS of space and has been described by one person
as "pathetic." Xtra bit -------- Apparently the AU posse sent IMPACT #
4 in for reviewing. Mega thanx guys, for giving me another means to ridicule
Davy Boy Crook, like this The strange thing is, when IMPACT #3 was reviewed in
AA, the Ncontent was 40% and the presentation 65%. When issue #4 was review
ed, the content was 60% and the presentation 47%. Why did the presentation r
ating alter so much when the IMPACT #3 and #4 presentation is virtually
the same, eh And why are the short stories a hindrance Just never go
to the Short Story menu of IMPACT. And why wasn't the PD On The Other Side men
tioned Gah! Oh, I hate Stephen Fry. Thanx to Richard Fairhurst for the posit
ion 37 in top 50 PD progs. Normal service resumed ----------------------
Just recieved AA113..... this article concerns "Public Image". Hi Keith Woods!
Your Public Image section of Amstrad Action probably rivals "Further Readi
ng for it's lameness. This part concerns his amateur-ish review of the G
reek discmag SEX, reviewed in this issue of Donut Mag. Eh, what's this "Present
ation is the worst we've I(read "I've" - Slice)N ever seen from a continental d
isczine." I beg to differ there. Keith. "...the border graphics look like
a child's playschool scribblings." Oh yeah, I'm sure you could do better, Ke
ith. You also go on to say that there is only one tune to listen to. Try sel
ecting the help file, it will tell you the key to press to hear more tunes.
Gah! Okay, so the digitised pictures are crap and the porno articles are too, b
ut that's no reason to give a mag 2% you fuckwit. Presentation doesn't make a d
iscmag or fanzine you know (after all, CPC Forever #1 had great presentation b
ut the contents weren't totally excellent (though still pretty good)). Also, wh
at's this crap about "The CPC gallery" Why the hell do you write an articl
e like that and the only pictures you show are the ones from Made's Rebels
Corp Show Oh, by the way, Marco Vieth is German - not French. Also, in the
mag in general, page 11 is a cop-out space filler and Public Image mostly con
sists of badly converted pictures (a la CPC Attack). Ho hum, life goes on.....
------------------------- This was originallH (Pretty) Advanced BA
SIC L (Pretty) Advanced BASIC W ----------------------- By BM
alfunctionN of BThe Firm - it's rather old...! ------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------- Hello! I'm here today m
aking a cool little article for IMPACT issue something (because Tom kept on na
gging me into it only joking Tom, I was going to write one anyway!) to t
ell you about all the cool tricks of the trade when it comes to BASIC progra
mming. So sit down, shut up and listen (read) hard! W LOGICAL OPERA
TIONS Have you ever seen these type of statements in a BASIC line IF a T
HEN 100 ba OR c WHILE NOT cWEND cb XOR a MOD d IF b AND d THEN 20 OK, her
e is an explanation of how they work. The first line is simply a short
ened form of "IF a0 THEN 100" and the third line could be "WHILE c0WEN
D" - so that is an explanation of how they work. But now we come to the harde
r parts, so I'll explain XOR, AND and OR in turn. WX O R W------ Say we a
re XORing 50 with 180, what happens 00110010 Binary for 50 10110100 Binary
for 180 In XOR all the bits that are set in one number, are reversed in the
other so bits 1,4 and 5 will be reversed in the second number. 10110100
--XX--X- -- these bits are reversed 10000110 -- so this is the end
result (NB. XORing a number with 255 will reverse all the bits) WA N D W
------ OK, we'll try ANDing 240 with 100 11110000 Binary for 240 01100100
Binary for 100 When ANDing, only the bits set to 1 in the second number wil
l be saved in the first number (the rest will be put to 0). 11110000 -XX
--X-- -- bits to be saved 01100000 -- end result WO R W---- Ri
ght, lets OR 30 with 80 00011110 Binary of 30 01100100 Binary of 80 When
ORing, The two bytes will be merged on top of each other, combining all bits
set to 1 00011110 01100100 01111110 -- any N bits set to 1 in eithe
r numbers are set in the result Oops! Nearly forgot the MOD command. All this
does is check if the first number is bigger than the second and if so, subtra
cts the second from it. ie. if you have a statement "aa+1aa MOD 32" then whe
n a is increased to 32, it will change to 0. Also if it was "aa+2" or "aa+
3" or "aa+2873.5" it would still work. W READING CERTAIN KEYS
OK, you are writing a prog where (in the main menu) you can either the keys A
, R, P, W, X, E, D or Y. What do you do Testing every single key in an
IF statement is a very long way about it. However, try this 10 WHILE 1 20 a
$INKEY$if a$"" then 20 30 ON INSTR("ARPWXEDY",UPPER$(a$)) GOSUB 100,400,20,1000
,30,400,3,20 40 WEND All this does, is check if a key has been pressed (and
a$ holds it) and then checks at what point in the string "ARPWXEDY" the key
is, and gosub to the line number. If the key isn't in the string, it doesn't
do anything. W PIE AND MASH addy addy. blip! yum yum... W
THE WAIT COMMAND You see, whenever Roland Perry (or some other fuc
king spastic...) made BASIC, he suddenly had an inspiration - Hey, lets make a
completly useless command that (1) is not really necessary and (2) is very b
ugged. So he made the WAIT command. Simply what it does is wait until the value
from a certain input port XORed with the third parameter and ANDed with the se
cond parameter is not equal to 0. This can be done easily in BASIC with the li
ne WHILE NOT (INP(num1) XOR num3) AND num2WEND But of course the above is
slower so the command would be better. This is grand, but now for the problem -
The Bug. Due to exceedingly bad testing, if you put in a third parameter the c
omputer crashes. However you can still do a few things with it. Here are a c
ouple WAIT &F500,1 Waits for a frame flyback (same as FRAME or CALL &BD19)
WAIT &F500,64 Waits for the printer to be turned OFF. W BACKSL
ASHES In BASIC, never bother to do something like "PRINT FIX(10/3)" (FIX
takes a number and cuts off everything to the right of the decimal point) b
ecause you can simply do "PRINT 103". Changing normal division signs to backs
lashes does the division but (like FIX) slices I(! - Slice)N off the decimal p
oint and all to the right of it. W NUMBER SWAPPING Don't do s
illy things like if a20 then a45 else a20 (ie. swapping a from 20 t
o 45 and back) Simply "PRINT 20 XOR 45" and take down the number, which in th
is case is 57. Now you can rewrite your line like this aa XOR 57 It works
perfick. W DESTROYING GOSUBS This tip is used a lot in machine
code, but I have seen it very little in BASIC, probably because it doesn't real
ly save a lot of time, but here goes anyway. Don't type this GOSUB 1000R
ETURN Type zis! GOTO 1000 It works the exact same (Think about it!) - T
he gosub and the return cancel each other out! W BANANA SPLIT
cheechee hahaha! drool drool *barp* W CONTROL CODES I think
Tom should know more about these than anybody with all his terrible yellow
, red and mauve coloured writing, I(fuck you, airhead! Actually, the Iwr
iting that I previously had did not use control codes due to bad programming
Iby me so haha! - Slice)N but where possible use the small codes that you get wh
en you press CTRL and a letter. The famous one is printing CONTROL + O and
the number of the pen, and the pen will change - or CTRL + D and the number o
f the mode to change to. Use control codes when necessary but don't use them t
oo much as they confuse a program. There are a whole pile more of them too
(which you can look up in your manual you lazy sod). I(I've lost my manual,
but the control codes were also in a Techy IForum in Amstrad Action once, issu
e 77, well, some were anyway. - Slice) W BIN-MEN If you hav
e a 6128 (or 664) and you are writing a large program with lots of variable
s, you should take the precaution of forcing a garbage collection here and th
ere, because it mightn't have enough memory if run on a 464 (on 6128s or 664s
garbage collections happen automatically). This is the way you do a garbage co
llection aFRE(0) or PRINT FRE(0) W STRING LOCATIONS
Now here's something very useful - How to alter the String Descriptor Bloc
k (SDB) I(SBD! - Slice)N of a string. Create a string N, say a$. Now typ
e "PRINT HEX$(a$)" and your CPC will cough up a hexidecimal number. This is th
e address of the SDB - a three byte description of a string which is explained
below. The first byte of the SDB stores the length in characters of the stri
ng and the other two store the address of the string itself (backwards). Here'
s an example of a string Byte 1 &0A (a length of 10) Byte 2 &0C Byte 3 &1
B (so the string is at &1B0C) This means you can do skillful things with it.
If there is a string at an area of memory you want to print, don't read in ea
ch letter at a time, store a$ in variable 'a' for example and POKE a,length a
nd if the string was at &BE80, POKE a+1,&80 and POKE a+2,&BE. Now print a$
and the string will appear. Also if you want a quick alternative to the comma
nd LEFT$, just poke a$ (or any string) to the length of the string you want.
W FUNCTIONS I'm probably being an incredible hypocrite here sh
outing at everybody to use user-defined functions because I always forget t
o, but they are very useful especially if you seem to be using the same ma
thematical calculations over and over again (and they tidy up programs a lot)
. If you are doing something like this a20+5*1b20+5*3c20+5*10d20+5*6 d
on't, because the only difference between the four calcultions is one number.
Instead, try this DEF FNfun(no)20+5*no aFNfun(1)bFNfun(3)cFNfun(10)dFNfun(6
) W VARIABLE TYPES You can have three different types of varia
bles in Amstrad BASIC - Integer, Real and String. For a variable, lets say "a"
(it's original, I know!), you can make it a real number by calling it a!, make
it an integer by calling it a% and make it a string by making it a$. Here are
the differences Real - a number from 170141 (with 33 0s on the end!) to the
negative of it. Integer - a number from -32768 to 32767 String - a collection
of characters (of up to 255 chars on length) As you can see, the main differe
nces you would want to use integers instead of the usual real numbers is to s
ave on memory. But you may be asking what happens if a variable is just "a".
Well y'see, BASIC simply says that all variables without a !, a % or a $ are a
normal real number. However, what happens if you want a variable without
a specified type is a string, or an integer I(That makes no sense - Slice)N Us
e these commands DEFREAL a-z - to make all real numbers DEFSTR a-z -
to make all strings DEFINT a-z - to make all integers Finally, if you wa
nt the variables from "a" to "f" to be real, "g" to "t" to be real and the res
t ("u" to "z") to be strings, just do this DEFREAL a-f (not really necessary
though) DEFINT g-t DEFSTR u-z W AND FINALLY And finally, t
he main trick is if you find yourself constantly repeating the same command
s in programs, or all your lines seem to be written to a certain pattern, y
ou should be able to find a way around it. If you are doing mounds of PRINT co
mmands, put the info into a DATA statement and make a subroutine to print
them. Also, where possible don't use GOTO statements and make good use of WHIL
E/WEND, FOR/NEXT and GOSUB/RETURN. Before I go, here is part of a listing I r
ipped out of the depressingly sad book, How to Write Amstrad CPC464 Games
Programs. See how much you can speed up the listing IF e$"A" THEN e4 IF e$
"B" THEN e6 IF e$"C" THEN e8 IF e$"D" THEN e10 IF e$"E" THEN e12 IF e$"F" TH
EN e14 IF e$"G" THEN e16 IF e$"H" THEN e18 Right, I'm off now. Try to find
the PD game Battle-Spheres somewhere - It's very good! Ciao,
BMALFUNCTIONN of BTHE FIRM Oh yes, all people looking for contacts, wr
ite to me! (Malcolm Dowse, 15 Tivoli Tce. East, Dunlaoghaire, Co. Dublin, REP.
OF IRELAND) ----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------- MESSAGE 2 MALFUNCTION Write more articles for Donut Mag or d
ie.....! nctionN of NH EUROSTRAD PUBLIC DOMAIN CATALOGUE L EUROSTRAD PUBL
IC DOMAIN CATALOGUE W --------------------------------- By BTom-PouceN of
BPOW! The EUROSTRAD PUBLIC DOMAIN CATALOGUE (EPDC) is the only "FREE" PD libr
aries in Europe. We have no copyrights and we have no copied games..... A t
itle (like FG002 or UT011) takes one side of a disc or, if you prefer each s
ide takes 178 Kbytes (1 selection). A lot of the adventure games are written
in French, but the goal of the game is never difficult..... (else if you are v
ery, very, very.....) The price 2 titles (2 sides) per disc. You can send me
all the disx you want but you must pay the stamps (I accept English, French
and German stamps, but we prefer IRCS). But if you fill your discs with a lot
of very good progs (games, disczines, demos or utilities I don't have of cour
se) the filled sides are free for you (just send ONE IRC for the letter back..
...). The blank sides aren't free! But Don't send me shitty stuff and wrong
discs please! 1 disc 2 IRCS (or 4.40 Frs if you are French, if you have Fren
ch stamps!) 2 discs 3 IRCS (or 7.20 Frs for the same things) 5 discs 5 IRCS (o
r 12.00 Frs) 10 discs 8 IRCS (or 20.00 Frs) More than 10 discs 8 IRCS + 1 IRC
by disc or 20.00 Frs + 2.80 Frs per disc!! You must only pay the stamps, and
nothing else. Each selection runs on all the CPCs (464, 664, 6128, 464+ and 6
128+). The EUROSTRAD PD accepts 3 inch and 5.25 inch discs (40 tracks only)
. If you have no disc drive and only a tape-recorder, there are no problems
because we can use a CPC 464. But the quality of the tape-recorders on CPC is
horrible so we prefer disc drives. WSELECTIONS W---------- UT000 Util
ities (to copy, transferts, coding, and many others) MU000 Music programs (musi
x from games I(isn't that illegal - Slice)N, demos, BASIC, or Digitrac
ker) PI000 Screens, pictures, animation and clip-art (Oxford PAO and AMX.....)
DE000 Demos FG000 Public Domain games (shoot 'em ups, adventures, reflex games
, fun.....) FZF00 French discmags FZG00 Germag discmags FZO00 British and Spa
nish discmags I(includes Impact! - Slice) FSL00 Slideshows I(Sliceshows! - Slic
e)N and picture shows AD000 For adults only it deals with sex! * TOTAL OVER
350 SELECTIONS, WITH ONLY PD STUFF AND SHAREWARE ... * WTO JOIN US W--------
-- If you want more information about this UFREEN club, write to us asking w
hat you want. The catalogue (EUROSTRADISC) can be printed (total cost is 2
IRCS) and EUROSTRADISC exists in a French version..... You will automatical
ly be an EPDC member when you write to us, else if you only ask for informa
tion. WRITE TO
EUROSTRAD PUBLIC DOMAIN THOMAS FOURNERIE
LA HAMELINIERE
F-50450 HAMBYE FRANCE H The defi
nitive guide to L The definitive guide to H *killing* and
*harming* a CPC! L *killing* and *harming* a CPC! W ------------------
------------ By BSlice/DSN and his lovely assistant, Debbie McGee. Erm, I mea
n BLorna Dean You've all seen articles on how to kill CPCs in mags. Donut Ma
g goes one better with B*THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO KILLING AND HARMING A CPC*
N (and peripherals, discs, etc.). Send all letters of thanks to Slice c/o usu
al Donut Mag address. WAa W-- ACID see LIQUID WBb W-- BEAT UP Waste
your computer and make a packet in the process! Simply tie your CPC
to a basketball hoop (make sure that it dangles well) and charge yo
ur friends 10p a go to use it as a punchbag (protecting gloves also
available at 10, otherwise your friends will kill you after they come
out of intensive care). *amazing!* BEES see HONEY BUNGEE JUMPING Take you
r CPC bungee jumping, but pay the person in charge £100 to arr
ange for a deadly "accident" with no bungee cord. WCc W-- CHAINSAW CPC Chai
nsaw Massacre! Yes, power up that chainsaw and let rip on your defenc
eless CPC. *Thrill* to the sound of the disc drive being sawn in half
! *Laugh* when you see the CPC cut in two! *Read* DONUT MAG every da
y! CIRCUITRY see WIRING WDd W-- DISC BOMB Pain Nt a quarter of the disc
inside the actual disc with glue and sprinkle sulphur from mat
ches that light on anything onto the painted quarter. Then ram the d
isc into the drive, switch the machine on, type a disc command s
uch as CAT and then the CPC (or just the drive) blows up! DISCON
NECT Open up your CPC. You will find a wide, thin, stripy wire thing
connecting your keyboard to the computer. Cut this wire in half and
voila! Pressing the keys on the keyboard will not do anything
(result - a useless CPC). DISMANTLE This beats lego (TM) any day!
Simply take your CPC apart (every little bit of it) and try to
put it back together again. Will you succeed (answer no - Mysti
c Mug) Oh well, she's been proved wrong before! DROWN see SCUBA
DIVING WEe W-- EAT see MR MANGETOUT ELLA FITZGERALD Kidnap Ella Fitzger
ald and bring her home. Command her to sing in the same room
where your CPC resides. When she hits a high note, watch the
glass of your monitor shatter! (and then brainwash her
to kill every CPC in the world with this method) WFf W-- FIVE YEAR OLD Set
any five year old (or thereabouts) who always "won' play M
ahreeo bros" on your Amstrad and they're bound to type in some
unknown built-in self destruct code. FLAMETHROWER (also see GAS) Get a flame
thrower from somewhere, stand well back from your CPC and let ri
p! Result A lump of molten CPC. Drench CPC in petrol for more
*power*! WGg W-- GAS (also see FLAMETHROWER) Obtain a cannister of gas and
let it off in the same room where your CPC is kept. Once the cannister
is empty, strike a match and watch the CPC (and you if you're not car
eful!) go up in flames. For extra effect, douse CPC in petrol. WHh W
-- HAMMER see SLEDGEHAMMER HONEY Cover your CPC in honey, and leave it by a
bee farm on a sunny day (for best result, open up CPC and uncover the
monitor too!). When there are lots of bees in the CPC, quickly screw
it back together again, take it home, set it up and switch the machin
e on! (Also good for making Mushy Bees (hoe hoe (sic))). WIi W--
IMPLODE Making your CPC implode will make it totally disappear. But how to do
this I'm not telling! The secret is known only to a select fe
w (including me) and if I give the secrets of imploding away, I will
be lynched. (This paragraph copyright 1994 "I'm Lying" corporatio
n in association with "Total Bulldish Ltd." all rights reserved
. (for executives only.)) WJj W-- JAZZ see ELLA FITZGERALD WL
l W-- LIQUID Pour liquids all over your CPC (monitor, edge connectors, etc.).
If you pour liquid between the keys, pour a lot to get a good result
because the keys have a metal covering seperating it from the circu
itry. Then switch the CPC on and enjoy the fireworks! WMm W-- MAG
NET placing a magnet on a disc drive will bugger it up, rendering the disc
drive useless until it's repaired. MALLET see SLEDGEHAMMER METAL CON
CERT see STAGE DIVE MR MANGETOUT Knock him out and bring the fellow home. T
hen command him to eat the CPC byte by byte (hoho). WPp W--
PETROL see GAS and FLAMETHROWER PLANE Throw CPC out of a plane (with no parac
hute). POST Posting a CPC will definately kill it. For best results wrap i
t up in flimsy wrapping paper and send it to Outer Mongolia. POWER S
UPPLY Get your 3.5" drive (best results Siren Software drive) and
change the power supply from 9V to 12V, switch the drive and CPC
on and wait. Watch in awe as smoke billows from the power supply.
Pouring water into the power supply now would be good as well.
Keep waiting. Wait. Wait..... *suddenly* the power supply will
blow up, so you cannot use your drive until you get a new powe
r supply. PRIZE, THE Playing this game on CPC will cause CPC t
o commit suicide and go into "self-destruct" mode. WRr W--
RADIATION Expose your CPC to high levels of radiation so that it mutates into
a hideous monster (an Amiga owner) and kill N s everyone
in the world! "But how will this kill the CPC", I hear you ask.
Well, it also eats the power lines too! (ho hum!) (sorry to CPC an
d Amiga owners) WSs W-- SCUBA DIVING Take your CPC scuba diving and either
a) fiddle with its oxygen supply so it drowns, or
b) fill it with fish (fillet o fish hoho), take it home, and
switch it on! Watch the sparks fly and the fish fry (especially
the electric eels (double hoho)). SLEDGEHAMMER Stand in front of you
r CPC, sledgehammer in your hands. Lift the sledgehammer over y
our head, and bring it down with tremendous force on your CPC
. Crunch! AhHAHAHAHA! STAGE DIVE Take your CPC to a metal concert. When the
crowd is in a frenzy, jump onto the stage with CPC in hand and
take a mighty *leap*! The crowd will gaze in awe as some poor guy
gets his head smashed in and bits of computer go flying. Make a sw
ift exit before crowd lynches you. WTt W-- TRAIN SURFING Enc
ourage your CPC to take up a new hobby. Why not give it l
essons in train surfing Watch your beloved 'puta bounce in
glee as it hurtles towards the power cables! *DON'T TRY THIS
YOURSELF, PEOPLE! LEAVE IT TO THE HARDWARE!* WUu W-- UNDERWATER see SCUB
A DIVING WVv W-- VENTILATION Cover the ventilation holes on your CPC, 3.
5" drive, etc. and switch the machine on. Then go off somewhe
re (pref. to buy or steal a new CPC) and when you come back.
.... a lump of molten plastic on your desk! What *fun*! WWw
W-- WIRING Open up your CPC. Unscrew all the wires that have been tied dow
n and swap them with other wires. Screw them in place (maybe also c
ut some wires while you're at it) and switch the machine on. Haha! G
uess what happens Your CPC is doomed! WXx W-- X-RAY X-Raying disc
s will corrupt them (why d'ya think people write "please don't X-Ray
" on packages) L The definitive guide to H *killing* and *har
ming* a CPC! L *kilW-- WIRING Open up your CPC. Unscrew all the wires tha
t have been tied down and swap them with other wires. Screw them in
place (maybe also cut some wires while you're at it) and switch the
machine on. Haha! Guess what LARGER FNTLARGER $$$888888llllllll0f8l8
vv800000ff08p8x8888n08p8p88p88v888888xflxlfv8888fl88l0fppppp$p8vvvpppx888x88888l
vppppv8ll8l8r0vffv888888xflxlfW /------------- H THE HELP
PAGE L THE HELP PAGE W -------------/ BCursor downN
- scroll text forwards BCursor upN - scroll text backwards BCursor rightN - ne
xt article BCursor leftN - previous article BThe keys on the function block
(f0 - f9)N - select article (min 01, max 25) BIN - select index page BHN - s
elect help page (thiz page) BPN - print current article Secret message tim
e. Hahaha!! BZN - change !N!!!!!!!!!paper colour (0-26) BXN - change pen col
our (0-26) BSPACEN - exits help/index page and returns you to the current art
icle AG$$$------------ H THE HELP PAGE L THE HELP PAGE
W -------------/ Bprevious article BThe keys on the function b
lock (f0 - f9)N - select article (min 01, max 25) BIN - select index page BH
N - select help page (thiz page) BPN - print current article Secret messag
e time. Hahaha!! BZN - change W /-------------- H THE MA
IN INDEX L THE MAIN INDEX W --------------/ BIMPACT #
6N started proper production on 3/9/1994. BDONUT MAG #1N started proper pro
duction on 30/5/1995. It was finished on 6/6/1995. "Gee whiz mom, it's the ma
in index page(s)!" ----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------- BIN - Calls up this page BHN - Calls up the help page
WEditorial W--------- 01 Editorial 02 A news level 03 Write an article
now 04 Donut Mag charts WArticles (mostly silly things) W-----------------
------------- 05 Firearms 06 Slander, death and mayhem! 07 (Pretty) advanced
BASIC 08 The Eurostrad Public Domain Catalogue 09 The definative guide to kill
ing and harming a CPC! 10 The fantastic and marvellous world of lard 11 Misc.
12 30 signs that technology has taken over your life WShort Stories W------
------- 13 Macbeth da ultimate ninja 14 Mike Behemoth - taxidermist eater 15
The B(ore) team 16 The adventures of Boris in Boredom Land 17 The day Santa Cl
aus came to visit 18 Spot the spoonmaker WScene stuff W----------- 19 Demo
tezt 20 Disczine scene 21 PD scene 22 Zine scene WBits W---- 23 Commerc
ial reviews 24 Cheating scum! 25 Routeplanner v1.0 review L THE M
AIN INDEX W --------------/ hnology has taken over your life WSh
ort Stories W------------- 13 Macbeth da ultimate ninja 14 Mike Behemoth - ta
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